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Struggling at work.

(44 Posts)
ICanHearYou Mon 28-Jul-14 22:09:15


I don't know what I keep doing so wrong, now they are saying that I 'never listen' to anyone and I am impossible to work with, but I seem to get on fine with the team it just feels like when my back is turned it becomes something else.

If people feel I don't listen I wish they would tell me at the time to I could change it.

I need to work, I am just so miserable, I wish I had a profession that I could feel good about doing and just give it my all. It feels like I am constantly battling with people and I hate it, it is not what I want or need.

I am supposed to be being trained up on the next level of my job but it seems that is too difficult for people, I left last night because I threw up (and ended up throwing up all night) and I find out today that my colleague has said she 'asked me to leave because I wasn't listening' that just isn't true but how can I possibly prove that?

I wish they'd tell me at the time so I could change it but I can't. I am back looking for more jobs but I hate job hunting it is so hard and because I've had long breaks to have children I find it tough to find jobs.

I am feeling really low, marriage ended in May, now my job is on the rocks (again) I go into work and I am treated terribly, I am shouted at and insulted, I have to deal with someone shouting at me (they call it training) and being sexual and racial discriminatory to other members of the team.

I just wish I could walk away, not have to think about it. I've signed up to volunteer with the probation service in September because I would love to do a career in probation but I don't know if I will be able to do that now because I might need to find a job in those hours

I am lonely, I miss my friend (my ex) though he was not right as a partner for me.

All I want to do is to work hard and not be misunderstood by people. I wish I was one of those folks who finds working with others easy but I always seem to find it so hard, I know it is my problem because it has happened so many times but I don't know how to change myself.

So down.

Blondie1984 Mon 28-Jul-14 22:15:13

Have you asked people for examples of when you have done these things?
Is there someone there that you could ask to be your mentor? They might be able to help you with this ...does sound horrid

KiaOraOAotearoa Mon 28-Jul-14 22:16:19

Time to get your ducks in a row, maybe?
Do you have performance reviews?

leadrightfoot Mon 28-Jul-14 22:20:36

Do you have an hr dept? Or can you speak to senior management
Make a note of all this every time
Ask to discuss with hr or manager
Get another job though life is too short

vicmackie Mon 28-Jul-14 22:28:27

It sounds absolutely fucking horrible. The only thing I can say that's even remotely "comforting" is that it's not you, it's them; and - sadly - I don't think it's all that unusual. Obviously that DOESN'T make it okay. But a lot of people are just arseholes, plain and simple. I'm working alongside my father at the moment, on a house that his sister is renovating, and the way my dad speaks to her and to other members of the team on site is extraordinary. Sneering, hectoring, dismissive, and aggressive. He's a bully. It sounds like you're working with bullies too. I don't know what the solution is - I think I'm going to opt for a screaming row if he carries on the way he's going wink I'll let you know how it pans out!

KissItBetter Mon 28-Jul-14 22:32:54

I absolutely agree - life is too short for that shit. But as a single parent (I assume) you need to feel secure and anxiety at work never helped anyone feel comfortable and confident.

But if you think this has happened before and part of this is down to you, can you get help with that perhaps? Some coaching? Outside of work I mean. Is there a uni near you that does a counselling or coaching course, HR or careers related perhaps? Students need people to try stuff out on and you might be able to get to the bottom of whatever it is. Do you know what they mean by 'not listening'?

ICanHearYou Mon 28-Jul-14 22:34:29

Not had a performance review, the first I knew about it was Saturday when I went in and had my supervisor absolutely scowling at me, shouting at me about a job I had messed up and three she thought I had messed up but weren't actually me. When I questioned why the need for such a level of animosity she told me that there was no point saying anything to me because 'everybody knows' that I never listen and so there is no point.

When I got upset (was around 2 hours of solid abuse) she told me that until I held my dead child I had no right to complain about my life.

I actually had a stillborn daughter so that was really hard for me but I just shut up because I just don't think it is professional.

I was trained in a different area on the Friday and my manager (the rude shouty sexist one) told me that I should have a go on the Sunday night, now he is saying he didn't say that at all and the girl I worked with on the Sunday said I was not listening to her and she told me to go home because of it.

The thing is I need this job. Its horrendous, the conditions are awful, barely any training, the team all hate each other. I am denied lunch breaks and tea breaks, told that 'nobody takes a fucking break what makes you so special' if I ask for one and I have ended up just taking a protein shake into work with me so as to have some nourishment in my 9 hour shifts as there is no time to have a break.

Yet if I make a mistake I am penalised for it. They said I don't listen but in the next breath he said I learn the job really quickly and well, that is the first compliment he has ever given me (the manager who trained me) in the 2 months I have been there.

Its been horrific and now it seems everyone is 'against' me and is making things up to make me look even worse.

ICanHearYou Mon 28-Jul-14 22:37:54

Good idea about the students thing. I am very happy to consider that it is 'my' issue because I seem to struggle to work with people, mostly because I think I have a very black and white view of people, in that if I have an issue I will simply mention it to the person rather than treat them any differently.

If I have an issue with someone ongoing, I will tend to speak to a manager about it, I don't see the point in bitchy behaviour and all that.

TheHouseatWhoCorner Mon 28-Jul-14 22:38:45

God, that is awful. You shouldn't be spoken to like that. Have you made notes of all these instances?
Is there an HR department you could talk to?

ICanHearYou Mon 28-Jul-14 22:40:26

No HR department and they are all 'friends' from years back. Thats why I've not reported it before because its pretty clear to me that it will not be changing

littledrummergirl Mon 28-Jul-14 23:21:00

Ok. Deep breaths.

How long have you worked there?
Keep a note of every incident however small- dates, times what was said, who by and how it made you feel. Include a description of body language, tone of voice etc.
If you have to, write them on a scrap of paper and transfer to a diary thats kept off site.

If they are behaving in a sexist or racist manner then be sure to include it.

Join a union if you are not already a member, if your workplace has an agreement then join that one, if not then pick one that is recognised by your industry. You can pay by direct debit if needed.

You will need the evidence when you are ready to make a formal complaint. You need to follow your employers grievance procedure. If they dont have one the ACAS guide is the minimum they should follow. Google it to find the leaflet.

Find small things outside of work to cheer you up and keep you going. Remember your motivation for going to work.

You can look for another job with suitable hours while you are keeping your evidence. Its really hard but you need to keep your chin up. Lift your shoulders and walk tall. You are better than them.

ICanHearYou Mon 28-Jul-14 23:26:29

I think that is exactly what I am going to do, make notes of everything from now that is an issue.

I will speak to my boss on Wednesday about things up to how and ask for a way to be in contact with him to discuss issues.

I am going to suggest I receive no more training from anyone, just work as a telephonisr and nothing more. Eventually I will be able to move into a better role elsewhere

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 06:48:09

Well, another sleepless night.

I didn't get to sleep til gone one and woke at five and haven't been able to drop back off.

I am worried that I will lose my job, it would seriously impact negatively on our lives if that happened.

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 15:41:44

A list of points I have made, ahead of my meeting with the boss tomorrow

-Would not have asked for more training unless I thought G was leaving
-G rude and offensive in the office towards the drivers/customers/other members of the team ‘fucking foreigners’ ‘stupid little bitch/slag’ etc
-Never offers any positive reinforcement for work done, only speaks to me/acknowledges me if he feels I am doing/have done something wrong, often these things are things he has not shown me yet (jobs being on hold in dispatch screen)
-Shouts at me while on the phone to customers, on three occasions I have been asked by customers if I am okay due to the level and aggression of his shouts (S? Shuttle cabs weekend before last)

Feel team is very focussed on the negative, positive attributes of the team are not spoken about, there is only ill-feeling.

Have been ‘warned’ against speak to BOSS about G’s sexism/racism due to ‘friendships’ and ‘they know what he is like’
Unable to take short breaks during shifts ‘nobody takes a fucking break here what makes you so special?’ to quote G.

S on Saturday;
Came in early to support staff after being asked
Was treated badly by S, she had printed 4 jobs she felt I had messed up, only one of these was me so she ripped up the other three and left one on BOSS'S desk. Shouted at me about the job, I asked her why the need for so much animosity and she went absolutely beserk at me. Telling me ‘everyone knows you never listen to anything’ ‘why don’t you run the show yourself if you fucking know everything ICan’ etc etc. I asked her where all this was coming from and she told me I was accusing everyone in the office of being a liar.

When I began to get upset she told me that ‘Until you’ve held your dead child you don’t know what a shit life is, don’t talk to me about it’

This was very upsetting because my second child was still born and I did hold her. I ended up in tears in the toilet.

Attempted to speak to G and S together about the situation who both told me ‘everyone you’ve worked with agrees you are a nightmare and impossible’

I would very much like to continue to work for COMPANY at the weekends on alternate Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, I would like to be a telephonist and that is all. I do not wish to receive any further training as this has been incredibly difficult for me, it is only negative and I wish to distance myself from it as much as possible.

I believe that there is no reason for the office to be such a negative environment, things go wrong and things happen but there is no reason for us all to hate each other, there are lots of very positive attributes to the team that could be focussed on, I have pointed out G’s amazing knowledge of the area and how it will be missed, I have also pointed out S’s ability to organise anything and how vital this is. I have never once received a tiny bit of positive praise from anyone at the company which is such a shame.
I do not wish to get anymore involved with the negative dog-eat-dog aspects of the job, I would like to come into work, not be subjected to racial and sexual hatred and carry on answering the phones and taking bookings. That is all I want to do.

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 15:42:17

Please can people tell me if they think that is reasonable. I don't want to get fired sad

SolomanDaisy Tue 29-Jul-14 15:47:36

What do you want your boss to do with that list? It basically says everything here is rubbish, which is going to annoy him and is unlikely to change the office culture. Pick one or two key things which are the most serious issues for you and focus on those.

ginslinger Tue 29-Jul-14 15:49:59

Honestly, I would look for another job.
What you've written above is a bit too long I think - I would do 2 lots of notes - the longer one for you to keep to jog your memory. I think if you hand stuff over that's not concise there's a chance of it being ignored or the important stuff being overlooked. For instance, I would describe Saturday as 3 separate instances of bullying behaviour by S and that you can provide further details if necessary.

Good luck

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 16:27:39

I suppose all I really want out of it is just to be allowed to go in and answer the phones and not have to worry about the rest of it.

Viviennemary Tue 29-Jul-14 16:36:34

Sorry you are experiencing this OP. Work can be absolutely awful at times and there seems to be no way out. I agree with at least thinking about finding another job. Your colleague who shouts is playing the make everyone else feel awful and I'll be great game. It's a well known tactic in office politics. There are nice people out there in offices but you seem to be working with some horrible ones. I agree with going to your boss with two or three major issues.

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 16:37:52

Fine, I think I will just go in, say its been really tough but I would like to stay on as a telephonist and ignore the rest of it.

What does it matter anyway?

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 16:39:05

No sod it, I won't go with any issues. I'll just try and keep my job.

Its going to be miserable there whatever i do, so might as well just deal with it myself.

HaroldLloyd Tue 29-Jul-14 16:40:30

What you should do straight away is keep a diary, names times what's happened and note every single thing in there. It strangely makes you feel a bit better.

Poor you, it's just shitty when this happens.

Sounds like it's just too toxic there to improve much to be honest.

Have you tried getting advice? ACAS are petty good.

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 16:41:31

No point, only been there two months.

Ah well, if he fires me I never have to go back and if he doesn't I am just going to ignore the fucking lot of them.

HaroldLloyd Tue 29-Jul-14 16:50:13

Keep the dairy whatever else you do.

It's easy to forget things and if things get hairy you have a clear picture of what's been happening and said to you.

Comments like the baby one are disgusting frankly. They sound awfully unprofessional to me.

ICanHearYou Tue 29-Jul-14 17:08:53

They are dreadful. I think I am going to go in and just say I would like to do the phones on the weekends and nothing else. Hopefully that will just allow me to take a step back from it all.

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