Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

Daft question but sitting on memorial benches?

(50 Posts)
SiennaBlake Sun 27-Jul-14 21:27:40

Is it okay to sit on benches that have little memorial plaques (sp?) on them for people who have died? Part of me feels like it's disrespectful but them the other half knows that that's the whole point of a bench.

So can I check, do we sit on them or not?!

aoife24 Sun 27-Jul-14 21:29:06

yes of course you can, that's what they're there for, to enjoy a spot that a loved on used to.

Yes, that's what they're there for.

RumAppleGinger Sun 27-Jul-14 21:29:27

Sit of course!

I think it is fine - they are put there so people can enjoy a beautiful view or whatever, and maybe spare a thought for the person on the plaque.

Of course! That's the whole point. Otherwise they'd have got a tree or something

Ratbagcatbag Sun 27-Jul-14 21:29:59

Sit on them. The family that placed them there put them there as their relative loved that area/ spot, so by placing a bench there you can also enjoy the same things rear said relative did. smile

Meglet Sun 27-Jul-14 21:30:18

Yes. They'd want everyone to sit and pass the time smile.

AtYourCervix Sun 27-Jul-14 21:30:21

Yes. Sit.

Say hello and thank you when leaving.

MeMyselfAnd1 Sun 27-Jul-14 21:31:14

Yes sure you can sit, I always make a point to try to figure out why Gladys, Jim or Tom loved the spot so much.

CaptChaos Sun 27-Jul-14 21:33:53

Yes, sit, and thank whoever the bench is in memory of when you leave. I know exactly where I would want a bench, and it's nice to think that someone would be able to have a rest and 5 minutes out of their lives to enjoy something that I have enjoyed.

phantomnamechanger Sun 27-Jul-14 21:35:37

I always read the plaques, and note whether it was for an elderly person, who loved that spot, or for a young person who died too soon sad

One bench in a seaside town near us always has fresh flowers on it too, so a loved one frequently visits that spot to remember.

DH friend has one in his memory at a family centred tourist venue we go to often - always very poignant when we go and sit there and remember the friend who would approve of the general chatter and excitement of children sharing his love of the place

SiennaBlake Sun 27-Jul-14 21:36:10

Thanks everyone smile I never thought about the reason for the bench's location or it being a place that the person will have loved before. I did google the man when I came home because it said on the plaque that he was killed rather than he died and I felt sad for him and his family and friends. It's a popular place for a particular hobby and he did that hobby so I guess that's why the place was chosen for his memory bench. I'll think of him everytime I go there now.

MrsKoala Sun 27-Jul-14 21:40:36

I always sit on them and eat on them. But this thread has reminded me of a thing i read a while back, which is it's disrespectful to eat at a memorial/grave site - but a bench is different i think.

But i always used to love a picnic in an old cemetery and it never occurred to me it would be considered bad. I'd love it if when i'm dead someone would come and read my gravestone/memorial and enjoy a sandwich with me.

Iirc there was a thing in the paper saying tourists visiting old sites of death and destruction and happily munching on their lunches were contravening some rules in some way. I'll do some google searching and see if i can find it or whether i'm just making it all up! grin

SiennaBlake Sun 27-Jul-14 21:42:48

Oh, I hope a bench is different because we sat and had ice cream on it! Come back and update about it!

GothMummy Sun 27-Jul-14 21:45:31

Oh yes, Im sure its fine to eat your lunch sitting on a memorial bench.

Though lots of them make me cry and so I have to avoid certain ones. A bench at Youlgreave says "together in electric dreams". I thought that was beautiful.

HoneyNectar Sun 27-Jul-14 21:51:13

In my hometown, every bench has got a plaque on it, so would be an awful lot of empty benches around if we weren't supposed to sit on them!

mygrandchildrenrock Sun 27-Jul-14 21:51:19

I live at the seaside and there are about 10 such benches along the prom. I always think which bench I shall stop at today, 'Beryl's or Fred and Junes'. I would love a memorial bench dedicated to me when I am no longer around.
I would be very happy for someone to have a picnic or ice-cream on it!

MrsKoala Sun 27-Jul-14 21:54:14

Well i have just had a quick look and it seems there are no 'laws' i can find but each cemetery website i looked at had a list of rules and regs which all included absolutely no food or drink to be consumed there. Iirc the article i read a while back had people campaigning for similar rules at sites of battles/mass graves from yonks ago, which in their mind should be given the same respect as a cemetery. Benches of course are different tho.

But it does make me a bit sad, as i love a good picnic with the graves. I can't see anything disrespectful about eating.

CheeryName Sun 27-Jul-14 21:57:30

We sat on a bench for a teenage soldier once, poor young kid. We looked him up on line later and added to his book of condolences. Always remember him when we look back on that holiday.

weegiemum Sun 27-Jul-14 21:59:11

A few years ago we went to Juno beach in Normandy.

It was full of families eating, swimming, digging etc etc etc

Initially I wondered if it was a bit disrespectful, but then realised that was why people fought there - to allow us those kind of freedoms!

CeliaBowen Sun 27-Jul-14 22:03:18

There's one outside a Waitrose I know of that says "for Jean who loved this place" Now that is a diehard John Lewis shopper!

(I think it was actually there before Waitrose was built but now it's in the carpark hmm)

phantomnamechanger Sun 27-Jul-14 22:09:53

celia if waitrose was built on Jeans favourite park/scenery, I hope she haunts the place!

timetosmile Sun 27-Jul-14 22:13:02

DD was very twitched about sitting on them for years. We latterly discovered she thought the dead were buried beneath them, or had "their ashes mixed into the concrete" base confused

GothMummy Sun 27-Jul-14 22:18:10

Slightly OT but this thread (and Mrs Koala's comments) remind me of the book Lizzie Dripping by Helen Cresswell, she sits in the graveyard and picnics there and knows the names of the dead buried in graves. I love that book.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now