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If a friend of yours said this about a group of 13 year old girls, what would your reaction be?

(182 Posts)
MyballsareSandy Tue 22-Jul-14 09:32:44

Just bumped into a friend who had dropped her son off at school - mufti day as they are going on a trip. She said she couldn't believe what some of them were wearing and "they'll get themselves into trouble when they're older".

LeBearPolar Tue 22-Jul-14 09:34:55

I would ask her what she meant by that, followed by 'because if you mean that you think they are going to get raped because of what they are wearing, are you saying that rape is the fault of the victim and not the rapist?' (hard stare)

HecatePropylaea Tue 22-Jul-14 09:38:04


Depends on my mood. I'd either go wide eyed and ask her what she meant, in that horrible PA way I sometimes get about me when I'm pissed off but too chicken shit for a confrontation. blush

Or I'd see red and lose a friend by very angrily pointing out that women have the right to wear whatever they want to wear and if she is talking about assault, as I assume she is, the only one to blame for that is the person carrying it out.

comfycushion Tue 22-Jul-14 09:38:52

I would probably agree with her.............. what you said is right but expect to be treated by the way you are dressed...............

This is not right but sadly a fact........

SquattingNeville Tue 22-Jul-14 09:39:00

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" would be my default response I think, with accompanying hmm face.

TobyLerone Tue 22-Jul-14 09:39:37

Bollocks, comfycushion. Utter bollocks.

I have a 12yo and though I am very careful what she wears (she chooses but I have overall authority ) she's more a leggings and TShirt type.

In my day (I'm 48) there WAS the definate view that if you wore that you only had yourself to blame. (This was the 80s)

She needs to have some Mother/Son chats doesn't she?

comfycushion Tue 22-Jul-14 09:41:09

Dress like a tart you will be treated like one [by some people]

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 22-Jul-14 09:43:19

I would probably say something cowardly like 'they do seem to go in for the flesh on show, don't they' and then speak of other things.

I think in most cases if I harrumphed and started talking about rape blame, the person would be both astonished and offended, so I just probably wouldn't bother.

I do more nodding and smiling than I'd like..,

topbanana1 Tue 22-Jul-14 09:44:48

Did she mean that though? I'd actually ask her what she meant, if it bothers you that much.

I'd have assumed she meant the old-fashioned sense of getting in trouble ie get unintentionally pregnant at a young age, as she thinks they look a bit over-sexualised for their age.

TBH, I used to look at some girls at dd's primary when she was younger in slight horror at what some of the girls were wearing, which seemed somewhat age-inappropriate and over-sexualised. I wouldn't dress my dd in stuff like that. I always felt uncomfortable with the 8 or 9 year olds in very short skirts and over-the-knee socks on school days, or on mufti days dressed like very small hookers.

So whilst it would never cross my mind that that made it OK for anyone to attack them, I do think it's an odd choice of clothes for little girls. I'm not a fan of bras for little girls, t-shirts saying things like 'So many boys so little time', etc etc. I can't help wondering who wants little girls to dress like this and why.

sanfairyanne Tue 22-Jul-14 09:45:33

i thought she meant pregnant - teen pregnancy kind of thing ?

TobyLerone Tue 22-Jul-14 09:50:33

Dress like a tart you will be treated like one [by some people]

People like you?

theuncivilservant79 Tue 22-Jul-14 09:51:32

I went to chaperone a social event with a clutch of 13 year olds lately all of whom I know. One has blossomed in to a clone of Megan fox she is utterly gorgeous and very tall. My friend who is the parent of another teen there said almost the same as in the op 'x will get men in trouble' I was really shocked too as my friend is quite liberal and feminist. I wonder if I misinterpreted the meaning thinking maybe it means 'she will have blokes doing daft things it get he attention?'

MyballsareSandy Tue 22-Jul-14 09:53:35

It's all such a depressing attitude that I thought had died out fecking years ago. As the mum of two teen girls it really depresses me and what sort of message is she giving her son.

I heard him a few weeks ago referring to girls on MTV as whores and it wasn't picked up on by his parents. I know a lot of those videos are quite graphic and sexual, but to sit there calling them whores sad.

MyballsareSandy Tue 22-Jul-14 09:56:16

uncivilservant - I've heard comments like that about one of my DDs sadly. She's 13 FFS. She can't help being 5ft 11 and size 8, she's gorgeous. Why not say how gorgeous she has become, what a lovely young lady she is turning into, rather than 'getting men into trouble'.

I would have assumed by 'getting themselves into trouble' she meant they would be 'getting themselves pregnant'. However that's meant to work hmm

I don't know what I'd do. Probably just stare glassily through her and move away.

If I heard my (now only 5yo) DS use the word 'whore' I would probably cry. That's such a depressing scenario sad

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 22-Jul-14 10:01:29

Yes because only attractive scantily dressed women are raped hmm

SquattingNeville Tue 22-Jul-14 10:02:20

It is a depressing attitude. What, exactly, is a tart meant to look like? Why does no one ever talk about boys being tarts/whores/slags or boys getting "into trouble" (apart from when they've been led astray by those nasty jezebels, naturally)?

It makes me sad. It really does.

Surely the men get themselves into trouble?

But society has made stereotypes out of people and part of that is the way they dress. Although it shouldn't be that way, women are still judged on what they wear. I would extend that to everyone though. I can't help myself but if I see a man in a suit I am much more likely to think he will be selfish and a bit of an arsehole. Partly because of having commuted alongside many men in suits.

AnAirOfHope82 Tue 22-Jul-14 10:02:52

I would of said "its a shame people are more concerned with the clothes than the criminal behind the crime".

pointythings Tue 22-Jul-14 10:03:36

I'd have pointed out very coolly that victim blaming is not appropriate - but then I too have a tall 13-yo with a lovely figure. She doesn't run around in tiny minis because that isn't her style, but she has a halterneck maxi that fits her like a glove and definitely shows off her figure - she looks beautiful in it.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 22-Jul-14 10:12:04

I'd take it that they were dressing like that to try & attract the boys so would be the type to want to have underage sex & possibly get pregnant.

MyballsareSandy Tue 22-Jul-14 10:17:19

Really pictures!!! At 13, you think that, rather than they want to look fashionable and be cool in this hot weather.

'the type to want to have underage sex and possibly get pregnant'

do you have any girls out of interest?

usualsuspectt Tue 22-Jul-14 10:20:10

fucking hell at some of the attitudes on this thread.

I would have told her to stop being a twat.

Shia Tue 22-Jul-14 10:20:21

I think you are over thinking it.

It's a figure of speech. I wouldn't read anything in to it other than it's an innocuous remark said with humour about teenagers.

Looking back, my grandparents generation would have said it about my parents generation in the 1950's/1960's and then my parents said it about me and my peers in the 1970's and 1980's.

It's just a generalisation about teenage girls who since after the Second World War do tend to dress older than their years and have more flesh on show than the older generation.

I work with older teenagers and on their Facebook pages their selfies make them look half naked to me! However, my parents used to say, "you're not going out dressed like that!", so I think each generation sometimes forgets what it's like to be young!

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