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Best lies you have told children?

(105 Posts)
EatShitDerek Sat 19-Jul-14 16:12:18

I told my son to go play out in the garden so I can tidy up.

I am so not tidying up, I'm eating crisps and MNetting grin

I just needed a break from the constant talking and running commentary.

No guilt either! He tells me when he is coming in so will look busy til he buggers off back out

Hassled Sat 19-Jul-14 16:15:16

Probably not what you're looking for, but I lied to DD when she was a teenager about the ending to Sophie's Choice (I can't tell you what I said without spoilers). She recently watched it (she's an adult) and rang me up to berate me for being a Big Fat Liar and a Bad Mother.

bluntasabullet Sat 19-Jul-14 16:18:40

I told my DSD I get emailed all the Netflix films that are watched so that she only watches appropriate ones (and doesn't put inappropriate films on when friends are over) wink

flagnogbagnog Sat 19-Jul-14 16:20:12

My children think pop tarts are horrible 'grown up food'. They are mine and DH's guilty pleasure from time to time. Kids have no idea how nice they taste :-)

EatShitDerek Sat 19-Jul-14 16:20:18

Hassled I've seen it so no spoilers for me.

I tell him all sorts. He thinks a queen lives on the local farm and that the orange drink I have is medicine (Irn Bru)

D0oinMeCleanin Sat 19-Jul-14 16:22:18

bluntas, we log into Netflix via FB so I can see all the films that are watched, as they are being watched.

Poor dd1 got into so much trouble for watching The Walking Dead. She flat out denied it and got into trouble for lying too. I could see on FB that she had been watching it.

Three days later my sister texted me "Pay your Netflix bill, you've been cut off, you cheapo. I need to finish watching The Walking Dead. FYI your password is obvious ;D" blush

ooerrmissus Sat 19-Jul-14 16:28:12

This will totally out me but hey ho...

DS2 has the most incredible sweet tooth and one day he'd got into something and had been scoffing sweets like there was no tomorrow. God knows what it was but his tongue had gone blue. So I told him it was sugar poisoning, took his temperature, told him I was going to ring the doctor. Then I said he would probably be alright if he only drank water and ate vegetables for the rest of the day. He totally bought it. Now if he's been eating something sweet he comes and sticks his tongue out at me to check what colour it is. I do that whole breathing through your teeth thing and tell him it's looking a bit purple and probably best not to have any more haribos or whatever. Brilliant. He's going to kill me when he finds out isn't he? grin

CarbeDiem Sat 19-Jul-14 16:29:05

When the ice cream van plays his music it means he's got none left <evil> smile
Also that the birds outside seen/heard everything and would come and tell me.
Both worked for a few years until the eldest cottoned on I was lying.

CarbeDiem Sat 19-Jul-14 16:30:24

ooerrmissus - Genius!

steppemum Sat 19-Jul-14 16:32:51

ooermissus - that is priceless!

WestEast Sat 19-Jul-14 16:33:28

Those rides in the shopping venters that cost £2 to sit on for a minute while they spin round? They're only there because they're broken and the staff are waiting for the repair person to come and fix it.
We never go on rides.

LotsaTuddles Sat 19-Jul-14 16:36:31

ooerrmissus, that's genius. I would use it but my DS has 2 older cousins and I doubt it'd work because they'll tell him the truth

ICanSeeTheSun Sat 19-Jul-14 16:37:05

Love the sugar poisioning one.

If I fancy a quiet evening I have changed to clock to bedtime

ooerrmissus Sat 19-Jul-14 16:40:01

Yes you'd think DS1 might have tipped him off but he seems convinced too. Mind you, he still believes the little white boxes in the corners of the rooms, the ones up near the ceiling, are Santa monitors. They flash red when Santa is watching you to check you're behaving yourself.

When they figure out my web of lies I'm going to have to emigrate, aren't I?

OorWullie Sat 19-Jul-14 16:41:02

ooer that is genius!

There are a couple of horrid kids that come to my door for DS, when I look through the peephole and see it's them I tell him it's the toy collector blush

ooerrmissus Sat 19-Jul-14 16:43:46

Wullie I might have to use that one! I bet he looks like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

EmilyAlice Sat 19-Jul-14 16:45:29

Our children are in their forties now, but they have never forgiven us for persuading them (for a very long time), that the caves above the autoroute near Montelimar, are where they quarry the nougat.

GinIceAndASlice Sat 19-Jul-14 16:47:31

I have recorded In the Night Garden and the story that follows on Cbebbies. If I want Dd who is 3, to go up a bit earlier I just play it as she knows when it's finished it's bedtime!

She hasn't clicked on its the same episode yet so I should really record some more!

insanityscratching Sat 19-Jul-14 16:51:11

Not a lie as such but when dd was on a school trip in Paris I replied to her texts in French, She text l e a v e a s p a c e b e t w e e n l e t t e r s y o u r t e x t s a r e i n f r e n c h. Poor girl had already checked with her friends and teachers to see if they were having the same problem grin
When she came in drunk one night and fell asleep in the bathroom and woke me up I gathered up her clothes that she had left on the bathroom floor and put them in the washing machine. When she eventually surfaced and went looking for her clothes I denied all knowledge and she burst into tears thinking she had come home naked hmm

TuckingFablet Sat 19-Jul-14 17:02:27

grin grin grin

wubwubwub Sat 19-Jul-14 17:04:40

waits patiently for the sanctimonious parent who never lies to their children under any circumstances and will call you all terrible parents for doing such damage to the trust relationship between you and your children

back to reality - i told my nephew I could speak every language in the world :D

MagpieMama Sat 19-Jul-14 17:07:10

My DS is only a baby so no lies to him yet, but my Dad used to lie to me all the time!
The nicest one was when I was quite poorly and scared that I'd throw up again. He told me that humans could only be sick 3 times in one night and I'd just been sick a 3rd time so I wasn't going to throw up again. I went to bed happy and wasn't sick again that night.
Believed that one for years!

GinIceAndASlice Sat 19-Jul-14 17:08:49

Yup wubwubwub... my friend won't indulge in Christmas on 2 fronts. Father Christmas is a lie and so is Christianity. ...she argues that how will kids know when they can trust you if you lie to them.

Meanwhile back in the real world. ...

steppemum Sat 19-Jul-14 17:09:02

insanity grin your poor dd

BookWorm37 Sat 19-Jul-14 17:11:26

I told my children that their eyes temporarily change colour when they're telling me a lie shock .......it works wink

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