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How would you deal with this kind of behaviour?

(28 Posts)
BrazilNil Sat 19-Jul-14 13:16:17

DD (age 9) has always been generally well behaved but just getting in bad moods from time to time if she is tired or doesn't want to do something. In the past few months she has been getting moodier and moodier on both these occasions, which I've been putting down to her age and hormones.

We have just been on holiday for 10 days and DD was horrendously behaved for the entire time. We went to a lovely hotel and resort, which was very child friendly, and if DD wasn't doing what she wanted 100% of the time she'd throw an almighty tantrum. For example if DH and I wanted to have a walk into the town, and the kids club wasn't open, DD would scream, cry and tantrum for the entire time that we were on the walk. She also screamed and tantrummed each time she was told to have a bath or shower. One afternoon her tantrum went on for 3 hours! All because she didn't want to have a shower! But it was 30 degree heat and she had to have one!

I grounded her for a week when we got home but it didn't seem to bother her particularly.

We are going on another holiday later on in the year, and I am already getting anxious in case she behaves like that again. It's a holiday for a special occasion to a very nice place we all want to go to, but in all honesty she ruined the holiday we had last month, and I don't know if I can put up with 2 weeks of her behaving that way again.

I have said to DH that if she has a day of misbehaving then I will stay in the apartment with her for the entire day and she can sit in her room, but DH isn't keen on this, so I just don't know what to do?

Sorry this seems like a first world problem.

Preciousbane Sat 19-Jul-14 13:20:25

Have you sat down and talked to her at a time when she isn't having a tantrum?

Does she have nice grandparents or someone you could leave her with? Because I would be tempted to not take her.

I think you need to find root cause, could be something or could just be being brattish. For me the reasons would change the way I dealt with it.

BrazilNil Sat 19-Jul-14 13:22:19

In all honesty Precious I think she is just being brattish. She's really happy at school, with loads of friends and had an excellent school report. I think DH and I have just let her get away with too much tbh.

BlinkingHeck Sat 19-Jul-14 13:28:21

You've probably hit the nail on the head! Letting her get away with too much. I let mine get away with much more than I ever did. I sometimes look at my two and think god I would never have done that to my parents. But then they'd have given me a crack, so that's probably why. hmm

Lioninthesun Sat 19-Jul-14 13:34:11

I think you need to explain to her how it ruined the holiday and that it has made you reconsider taking her on the next one as you can't waste money on holidays for her to be so selfish. Maybe go over why a holiday is for everyone in the family and not just her; why you and your partner need it too. I'd expect a full apology and promise that she will act more maturely on the next holiday. If she seems indifferent or huffs about it find somewhere else for her to be that week and don't take her.

Preciousbane Sat 19-Jul-14 13:40:44

I would do something to punish her for the behaviour.

Remove something she likes and make her earn it back, for me it is easy just the threat of Xbox removal means DS will do his chores. I did remove it for five days once. It sort of made a rod for my own back because he really skulked about for first couple, of days, but it worked and he knows I mean it. He was about 11 when I did this.

wubwubwub Sat 19-Jul-14 13:45:00

does she tantrum at home (not just on holiday)

MTWTFSS Sat 19-Jul-14 13:48:17

Watch her behaviour over the next few months, and if it doesn't improve leave her with a relative when you go on the second holiday smile

bigTillyMint Sat 19-Jul-14 14:00:36

Work on her behaviour between now and the holiday. Talk to her about why she was/is behaving like this. A mixture of rewards and punishments may work best.

Maybe you are over-stressing about things that aren't that important? So what if she doesn't have a shower (obviously not on a regular basis)? Going for a walk is boring to most children, sadly! If she has lots of friends at school, do you think she was missing friends her age?

Pancakeflipper Sat 19-Jul-14 14:03:50

Speak to her. Sit her down and inform her what behaviour you are expecting whilst on holiday. That there will fun for her but only if she behaves, that it is a 2 way thing.

Tell her that her behaviour was a disgrace and not acceptable.. Don't be shouting, encourage her to explain why she behaved like that, any reasons, what are her expectations of a holiday. Make it clear it's your holiday too and although compromises are made, silky tantrums are not the way to go.

Does she see her behaviour as not being acceptable?

Pancakeflipper Sat 19-Jul-14 14:04:25

Sulky tantrums, not silky.....

HairOnMyChinnyChinChin Sat 19-Jul-14 14:26:07

Dd spent her first day at disney land in the hotel room, after almost an hour of frankly disgusting behaviour I put my hand on her shoulder and frogmarched her bacl to the hotel.

When she calmed down she fully expected to go back out, didnt happen and she was much better behaved as a result

bughunt Sat 19-Jul-14 14:30:23

Video her tantrums and play them back for her to see.

BrazilNil Sat 19-Jul-14 21:28:27

Unfortunately we don't have anyone that could have DD for two weeks whilst we go away.

I think the tantrums are/were mainly about her not getting her own way. She had plenty of children to play with and made loads of friends in the kids club. I know walks etc are boring for kids but I'd say 90% of the time we did what she wanted anyway. She had tantrums for things like not wanting us to go and get any lunch as she wanted to swim. It was literally about everything.

If I try to talk to her calmly about her behaviour now we're back at home she just launches into more tantrums....

MamaPain Sat 19-Jul-14 21:33:17

So was the holiday the start of the tantrums or were they happening at home previously? Is the level of bad behaviour continuing now?

Just wondering if it was something on holiday which sets her off.

Also how did you react to her tantrumming at the time?

Ziggyzoom Sat 19-Jul-14 21:34:18

Do you generally let her get her own way at home?

PoshPenny Sat 19-Jul-14 21:51:26

OP If this was my daughter I would be nipping this behaviour in the bud RIGHT NOW. otherwise you could really end up with the child from hell by the time she's 13 or 14. she needs to learn that no means no, selfish behaviour will not be tolerated, and by being so vile she ruins it for all of you, which is not fair. that means you and her dad having to harden your hearts to her and getting a bit firmer with her,nn
I suggest you clamp right down on any bad behaviour however minor, insist on apology where required and if you make threats be prepared to carry them out, you will probably only have to do it a few times. You will have to be absolutely consistent and completely united or she will try and play you off against each other. eg no kids club if she doesn't snap out of the tantrum. are you sure you can't persuade a fellow mum to have her to stay for a fortnight for the next holiday? you could either pay board and lodging or reciprocate for them if there is no family relation she could go and stay with. I think going without her on the next holiday might bring the consequences of brat behaviour home to her.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 19-Jul-14 21:59:03

If I try to talk to her calmly about her behaviour now we're back at home she just launches into more tantrums....

Which will result in you saying 'if you can't speak to me calmly about your tantrums and just launch into another tantrum, then you won't be coming on holiday again.'

Cluelessat30 Sat 19-Jul-14 22:00:26

You could try and emphasise your point about holidays being for everyone by discussing your holiday plans together a bit more. Lay out all the activities available and make a point of saying 'this morning we are doing (x activity) for you DD, and this afternoon DP/I want to do whatever). And I second Hairs point about making her holiday boring for bad behaviour, we did this with DD1 in spring. Absolute fits because DH and I wanted to do something that wasn't a kid activity. Tough! She was a dream after that.

WyrdByrd Fri 25-Jul-14 06:59:08

Have you noticed any other signs of hormones kicking in?

My DD is 10 in a few weeks and for the last year or more has been having more and more puberty symptoms - spots, greasy hair, BO, quite a lot of new hair and we think even some 'spotting' confused shock .

She is not overly prone to tantrums, but does have some very grumpy/lippy phases that last for a few days at a time.

I cut her a certain amount of slack as it must be tough for your body to be changing so much when your brain/maturity levels haven't quite caught up, but I have also made it clear that life goes on and she can't constantly use that as an excuse.

Is she asked to explain to you when calm why she behaves the way she does? If not then perhaps it is a just a case of being a bit tougher on her.

WyrdByrd Fri 25-Jul-14 07:00:17

able to explain...

Ponkernonsir Fri 25-Jul-14 07:05:25

Following. This is just like my neice!

KnackeredMuchly Fri 25-Jul-14 07:09:29

I think you need to deal with her brattishness now so that you have effective management of it when you get on your holiday.

If you still struggle, you can all take earphones so when you go on your walk you can't hear her wink

noblegiraffe Fri 25-Jul-14 07:14:27

Anything she tantrums about is immediately off the cards and not happening. Do not talk to her when she tantrums, walk away and say you'll talk to her when she has calmed down.

She needs to learn that tantrumming will not get her own way and in fact the opposite. It might take a while to sink in.

But yes, lay the day out in front of her in the morning so she knows when an activity she wants to do is coming up.

Preciousbane Fri 25-Jul-14 07:51:24

I think the 90% of the time we do what she wants speaks volumes. You want her to love you and also be your friend. So you give in. My DS has turned around and told me he hates me as I have thwarted him over the years, he doesn't tantrum about it.

I agree with Noblegiraffe on how to tackle. You need to or I see the most horrendous teen situation brewing.

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