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Wedding night sex......and the Duggars.

(107 Posts)
HowsTheSerenity Fri 18-Jul-14 08:33:45

So I'm watching trashy TV and the Duggars come on and I start to wonder if Josh and Anna or Jill and Derek actually condummated their relationship on their wedding night. I mean they hadn't held hands kissed even. Going from a 'side hug' to a shag in 5 hours is a huge step considering their upbringing.

SuffolkNWhat Fri 18-Jul-14 09:02:58

Are you on Free Jinger? That site has loads of info from former fundies and yes they really do!

chanie44 Fri 18-Jul-14 09:11:20

Well, judging by the number of children they have, they more than make up for it once they have got married.

BridgettRousselot Fri 18-Jul-14 09:54:59

I think they are just restrained until marriage, then go for it like the clappers.

Stratter5 Fri 18-Jul-14 10:08:35

I love Free Jinger grin

SuffolkNWhat Fri 18-Jul-14 10:24:29

Are you on there stratters? I only joined last month but am addicted!

NatashaBee Fri 18-Jul-14 10:25:39

I wondered this too sad. With their sheltered upbringing I'm surprised they even know what goes where.

picnicbasketcase Fri 18-Jul-14 10:34:26

I think the groom is given a little talk before the wedding but I wouldn't be at all surprised if the bride didn't have much of an idea what to expect.

They seem to be raised with the belief that a wife is there to do whatever her husband says and wants so she doesn't have any choice but to sleep with him whenever he feels like it. And of course have as many children as possible.

ROARmeow Fri 18-Jul-14 10:54:58

One of my best friends was raised in a similar way.

At her hen party some of her friends brought penis shaped chocolate lollies and other penis shaped things.

I was horrified that she had no idea what shape they were. She was pregnant 2 months after her wedding and basically had little clue how it happened.

sad

JellySnakesLadderedTights Fri 18-Jul-14 14:20:08

I have wondered this too.

Not sure if they do anything major on the actual wedding night. As you say it's a big jump to go from side-hug to full on sex in a matter of hours.

I always feel a bit sorry for Anna, as she promised in her wedding vows to have as many children as God would allow. I always wonder if she feels differently now she's experienced the pain of labour, but is still bound by the vow...I'm probably over-thinking it.

Josh was given a video, explaining sex, when he married Anna. I'm not sure how prepared the females are in those situations though. Anna was pregnant after 4 months.

I think it's good that 2 of the older daughters have gone into midwifery, and couching women in labour. Presumably they'll be a little bit more clued up about sex than they would have been otherwise.

I'm fascinated by their show. The new series is already partway thorough. It's on Home&Health, tonight, at 10pm.

The thing I always wonder is, everything is geared towards the man and his needs - But do you think that it would be viewed as acceptable for the woman to actually initiate sex?

JellySnakesLadderedTights Fri 18-Jul-14 14:24:39

* Coaching women in labour, obviously.

Stratter5 Fri 18-Jul-14 15:11:53

I find it fascinating too, even though I disagree with their lifestyle choices. There's something compelling about them. I just read Free Jinger, haven't signed up yet.

It's Priscilla I feel sorry for, I have severe doubts as to David's sexuality.

JellySnakesLadderedTights Fri 18-Jul-14 15:49:30

I know what you mean, Stratters.

It must be a horrible situation for David to be in too, if he is gay. Can you imagine going your whole life hiding your sexuality? Poor sod.

Odds are, someone, somewhere along the line is going to be in that position. Would be quite scary too, to be gay, if you'd spent your whole life, with everyone around you believing it was wrong and sinful.

mathanxiety Fri 18-Jul-14 15:54:39

Speaking from experience here -- it's pretty bad being married to the miserable sod who is secretly gay.

heymammy Fri 18-Jul-14 16:03:01

Now, I'm sure I read somewhere, while randomly googling the Duggars one evening, that they follow quite a strict sex-schedule shock in that they abstain for 7 nights each month (obv during Michelle's period) and for 40 days after a birth. It basically implied that the woman is there to 'take care of the husband's needs' and they have sex every night apart from during an abstinence.

BridgettRousselot Fri 18-Jul-14 16:33:58

Are they only allowed sex at night?

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 18-Jul-14 16:38:48

I always wondered this too blush

I feel quite sad for the women who have no idea if they are compatible sexually and as they have nothing to compare it to they may hae no idea it's meant to be pleasurable and the men could get away with not trying to please their wives.

Plus yeah, statistically one of them is likely to be gay and the idea that they will be alone or forced to marry someone they will never love is heart breaking.

TheSpottedZebra Fri 18-Jul-14 16:41:04

heymammy - I don't know about the Duggars/fundies, but the book of Leviticus is pretty clear on how long a married couple need to abstain for during/after periods, as well as after birth.

You will no doubt be astounded to hear that one must abstain for longer after giving birth to a girl. Dirtier than boys, obvs.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 18-Jul-14 16:43:13

What happens when they can't though?

I mean like when someone has spd or a traumatic birth and isn't healed after the 40 days?

Do they go ahead anyway

Greyhound Fri 18-Jul-14 16:49:57

I remember Mr Duggar giving poor Josh a book on sex on the day of his wedding.

It must be weird to know that everyone at your wedding is secretly thinking of you losing your virginity in a few hours time!

ContinentalKat Fri 18-Jul-14 16:51:56

Shamelessly marking my place. The Duggars are my guilty pleasure! Dh and the kids take the piss quite mercilessly, but I don't watch soaps. And sometimes I wish my brood and I could be just a little bit as wholesome and good as they are...

All I need to do is somehow forget that I am an atheist and feminist. I can't forget their shock faces when they were in Scotland and a street artist told them that he didn't believe in anything. They looked at him with great pity and prayed for him.

SoonToBeSix Fri 18-Jul-14 16:56:52

Am shocked at the ignorance on this thread. Plenty of Christians wait until their wedding nights until they have sex and until recently so did the majority of people.
Of course the women know " what to do" seriously. I don't believe a woman or a man should withhold sex just because they don't feel like it but there are many valid reasons to say no ie tiredness , illness , just had a baby, upset about something etc etc etc and neither the man or woman should ever pressure the other party for sex.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Fri 18-Jul-14 17:08:33

i don't believe a woman or a man should withhold sex just because they don't feel like it

Erm... Surely that's the most basic reason anyone should withhold sex ever?

So you are saying people should have sex even if they don't feel like it?

heymammy Fri 18-Jul-14 17:11:23

But surely not feeling like having sex is a perfectly valid reason not to do it sometimes and shouldn't be seen as 'withholding'?

NatashaBee Fri 18-Jul-14 17:15:23

i don't believe a woman or a man should withhold sex just because they don't feel like it

Surely that's a perfectly valid reason? (obviously if that is every night then it does become a compatibility issue that needs discussion and maybe compromises made, in a healthy, non-abusive relationship).

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