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How do I stop being a crappy person?

(37 Posts)
PinkSquash Sat 12-Jul-14 21:32:53

I seemingly can't make or keep friends, after a while I end up getting inoree and it sucks.

A mum I was friendly with in the playground now ignores me and I don't know why. Do I give off horrible vibes or say things wrong? I try to be nice, friendly and upbeat but the end is still the same.

I worry for my DSs, I'm their role model. If I can't talk to others, how the Jeff can they learn?

I really hate being me at these times, I've tried so so hard bur in the end I'm always left feeling awful.

I just want some friends, other adults to talk to, who may even like me for who I am.

Sorry for the self obsessed post, there's no one I can share this with here.

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 21:34:21

pinky i like you grin

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 21:34:37

talk to me

MiniTheMinx Sat 12-Jul-14 21:39:08

Children, schools, playground, drop offs, cliques of harridans...it's quite shit.

I really to sympathise, as I really hated the isolation I felt when I had younger children and had to endure the school run. Mine are 9 and 13 and I seldom set foot in the playground now, what I relief. I have though made the effort to get in touch with old school friends, people i had lost touch with and made some friends as a mature student.

Don't judge yourself so harshly, not based upon this particular point in time. Or maybe find a hobby where you might meet people with that same interest, or a book club, something where you will have something to contribute and you will feel valued.

StandsOnGoldenSands Sat 12-Jul-14 21:41:53

I feel like this.
No advice I'm afraid but just to let you know it's not just you.

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 21:43:52

it's not just you, there are those of us who are made to walk our own pathy!! grin---away from the cliques... just think fuck them and smile i do at the gates if someone speaks to you all and good if not, fuck em!! grin

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 21:44:05

path not pathy!!

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 21:44:46

op come back and talk to us

Lioninthesun Sat 12-Jul-14 21:47:42

I find nursery drop off a bit like this - often there are cliques, but mainly I am just so keen to drop off and have some peace and quiet I'm not in the mood to chat. I don't feel great at small talk and often wonder how I come across which makes me anxious.
I seem to have a glut of friends one week and then nothing the next. I've had a week of people being too busy to call me back and have felt a bit like you because of it. DD is nearly 3 and I really miss being able to just go out and let your hair down with people who make you laugh. Now I seem to be sitting at home wondering who to call and whether the timing is right for them to have put their DC in bed or whether they are just settling with their OH in front of the TV and hoping the phone won't go....
So, again, another one who gets where you are coming from. I just want to drink wine on the phone to someone and have a really good laugh - but like you am wondering if I lost that fun person somewhere along the way.
Been a lonely week here!

fragglefok Sat 12-Jul-14 21:52:46

I could have wrote this post..its shit isn't it?? I think because I'm not a 'social butterfly' I come across stand-offish but I'm really not. I just wanted you to know your not the only one who feels like you do.

skillsandtea Sat 12-Jul-14 21:54:35

There have been so many posts like this recently and I do sympathise as I have been there. In fact, I'm just coming out of it! The whole school-gate mum friend thing is overrated IMO. When my DSs started school I thought it would be a huge opportunity to make loads of like-minded friends. 5 years later and I've realised that all I have in common with them is that we live in the same village and have kids at the same school. I have made just 2 very good friends in all that time and the rest I don't bother about. Once my DSs finish primary school I'll hardly see them again. Give it time and you will find the people who you are meant to be friends with.

VerityWaves Sat 12-Jul-14 21:57:04

You are not a crappy person! You sound v sweet to me.

Owllady Sat 12-Jul-14 22:03:37

The playground thing is hard
Are you sure she is ignoring you on purpose?
Can you not talk to someone else?
I often stand on my own, though I have a decade of experience of it and it doesn't bother me BUT if another mum approached e to talk, I would happily talk to them

Owllady Sat 12-Jul-14 22:05:18

Skills is right though 're kids same age in common, that's it
It's like living in the same street as people, it's just that, they are not likely to be like you iykwim

Hassled Sat 12-Jul-14 22:07:46

How do you interact with people? Are you a listener? Do you ask them questions, are you interested (or able to fake interest) in their reply?

You mention the playground woman but otherwise what are things like - did you have friends at school/work etc?

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 22:11:01

why has op not come back?

BBQSteak Sat 12-Jul-14 22:17:00

You sound great t me

What sort of things are you into?

PinkSquash Sat 12-Jul-14 22:31:18

Thank you for all the responses, I wanted to reply earlier but writing this opened the floodgates and I was mess. I've tried to compose myself now.

I've never really had good long term friends, I wasn't unpopular at school, I would have people talk to me and whatnot but when I left school/college it kind of fizzled. I never felt that I fit in.

I try to ask questions and not let the conversation become awkward or about me but I must be doing something wrong, surely? All these people can't be wrong?

My hobbies are Mning at the minute, I'm a SAHM so everything is a little stale. Am trying to get out more to have more to talk about
I've been trying really hard to fight my anxieties. Up until now I've come so far, I thought I'd managed to change things but it doesn't seem to happen.

Fwiw I know school mum is ignoring me as I waved at her as she crossed the road at the crossing- she looked the other way. It's a shame as she was lovely and her DC is friendly with mine.

VerityWaves Sat 12-Jul-14 22:34:03

She does not sound lovely - a lovely person would not do that honey.

You are far too hard on yourself sad

I may be clutching at straws op but are you sure she saw you?

I have offended more than one person whilst not wearing my contact lenses.....

MiniTheMinx Sat 12-Jul-14 22:44:49

She was at the crossing, maybe she was distractedly looking to cross road! Do you know, I can walk by people I know quite well because I'm busy thinking about something. Maybe just go over, or pass by where she is and say a friendly hello, nice to see you, keep walking, look friendly but not desperate. Judge from her reaction, if she is friendly back next time go over and stop and talk. You have nothing to loose.

PinkSquash Sat 12-Jul-14 22:46:07

It wasn't the first time that she'd just ignored me, at first I thought nothing of it, but it's been over a week.

I feel like I'm a child again complaining that the other children won't let me play nicely and it does feel pathetic, but it still really hurts.

PinkSquash Sat 12-Jul-14 22:48:12

I understand about not seeing someone sometimes, when I had my eye problems I could barely focus on walking let alone anyone else, she did say hello to my son though, but not to me.

Gosh, this is utterly pathetic isn't it?

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 22:53:00

pin ky you came back¬!! we luff you on ere!! grin

Aliceinvodkaland Sat 12-Jul-14 22:53:26

wish you were at my school gates i'd talk to you!! grin

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