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So what would you make of this text exchange?

(119 Posts)
ChaChaChaChanges Sat 12-Jul-14 11:03:13

Name changed for this.

Her: I desperately wanted to kiss you just now
Her: Sorry, that was really unprofessional. I won't do that again.
Him: Text, or want to?
Her: Text. I'll still want to... What do you want?
Him: Not to hurt anyone, mostly.
Her: And if we were both single? What would you want then?
Him: Good thought. But we're not so it's best we leave it there for now.
Her: Sure. Forget I spoke.

lucidlady Sat 12-Jul-14 11:04:12

I think he's letting her down gently.

Nancy66 Sat 12-Jul-14 11:05:01

Pushy woman gagging for bit on side with man who seems to have more morals than her....thankfully

KaFayOLay Sat 12-Jul-14 11:06:58

He sounds like a nice guy who doesn't want to shit on his partner, she sounds the polar opposite.

Hope 'he' is yours, he sounds loyal.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 12-Jul-14 11:07:07

There is some attraction between them.

She is out of order.

He is doing the 'right' thing, but slightly reluctantly. It's a 'no I can't' not a 'no I don't want to'.

MildDrPepperAddiction Sat 12-Jul-14 11:07:08

She's throwing herself at him and he doesn't seem interested. Are you one of the texters op?

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 12-Jul-14 11:11:57

He's married and not interested so being nice about letting her down

She's a desperate slut

Be pleased if that's your man OP he's done the right thing

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 12-Jul-14 11:12:50

Actually re reading that he could have been firmer and his main concern is not to hurt anyone and not stopping a potential fling

Backinthering Sat 12-Jul-14 11:14:06

I think he sounds like he also quite wants to, but feels he can't.

Guitargirl Sat 12-Jul-14 11:14:30

Not sure about the 'for now' bit. That's a bit ambiguous.

Nancy66 Sat 12-Jul-14 11:16:42

he's not totally disinterested because he wanted to confirm that she still wanted to kiss him when there was confusion over what 'I won't do that again' meant.

AnyFucker Sat 12-Jul-14 11:16:45

she's a "desperate slut" ? hmm

I think there are very few women who would have a text exchange like this without at least some encouragement from the other party.

Backinthering Sat 12-Jul-14 11:17:49

Also them both being single is apparently a 'good thought'.

Bluestocking Sat 12-Jul-14 11:18:32

He knows he's been leading her on in a workplace flirtation, but doesn't (at the moment) want to take the next step into a physical relationship. This could be for many reasons; at best, he's an essentially decent man who's got carried away and is now regretting it, at worst he's a habitual player who is lining her up for later.

Never mind what we think, OP, what do you think?

Morethanalittlebitconfused Sat 12-Jul-14 11:18:34

Ok the wording is harsh but to come onto a man she knows is attached isn't on

He may have inadvertently encouraged her by being friendly and nice and she misread the signals, he could have fully come onto her, we don't know but he's attached and going by that exchange she knows it.

Catsmamma Sat 12-Jul-14 11:18:58

ongoing flirting that has escalated into an almost kiss, HE remembers he is married, SHE is being provocative, HE is considering his position.

on the whole I'd say this is not good for you if you are his wife/partner

LEMmingaround Sat 12-Jul-14 11:19:58

I think they have been flirting and or something has already happened. I don't think it us one sided im afraid. He has just realised he is playing with fire and/or just wanted a one night stand.

AnyFucker Sat 12-Jul-14 11:20:12

What is your position here, OP ?

iklboo Sat 12-Jul-14 11:24:00

The 'good thought' suggests mutual attraction / flirting - something almost happening. The 'not wanting to hurt anyone, mostly' and 'for now' aren't exactly firm 'I'm not interested, please leave me alone'.

AnyFucker Sat 12-Jul-14 11:27:55

They mean "I will continue to have an emotional affair with you and if you push just a teeny bit harder I might be persuaded to take it further"

ChaChaChaChanges Sat 12-Jul-14 11:33:51

I'm her in this conversation. I'm married with children. I've had a massive attraction to this colleague for a very long time but have (believe it or not) worked incredibly hard on both not letting him know and on my marriage.

I went to a conference yesterday, had to give a presentation to several hundred people, and got absolutely plastered afterwards celebrating how well it went. I don't actually remember sending the texts, or how I got home last night.

Christ, what have I done? Poor, poor DH - he doesn't deserve this. And how am I supposed to work with this man again?

coffeeinbed Sat 12-Jul-14 11:35:12

That's what I would have thought.

If he wanted to brush her off he had perfect opportunity after her first text

Guitargirl Sat 12-Jul-14 11:38:18

Oh dear.

I would try and speak to him as soon as you can next week, explain that you were very very drunk and ask if you can both forget about it. If you remain professional around him for a few weeks then hopefully it will blow over. And make sure you delete that conversation. And yes, your poor DH.

CanaryYellow Sat 12-Jul-14 11:40:08

She offered herself on a plate and he refused.

Humiliating really.

AnyFucker Sat 12-Jul-14 11:40:51

Not a "desperate slut" then ? smile

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