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Apparently I've been reported to SS!

(154 Posts)
DoYouThinkSheSawUs Sat 12-Jul-14 10:33:07

I actually can't believe this - she said she wAs going to a few weeks ago but I thought it was some sort of joke - now I've just seen her and she said she rung them yesterday, all sneering sad

Anyway - do I expect a visit Monday? Do I need to do anything to prepare?

The reasons she gave is because my DD1s bedroom is bare with no bedding, no toys etc (she saw it when on a play date and went upstairs to change her boys nappy).

The reason it is bare is

1. I don't believe in toys in a bedroom for under 5s. She plays downstairs, supervised, where all her toys are in boxes on shelves at her height to she can get them when she wants.

And 2. We cosleep. Putting her in her room meant much less sleep for everyone so I I have her little sister in a cosleeper cot, and dd1 and I share a kingsize with a bed bumper to stop her rolling out. There are her bedtime books in my bedroom. We bed share safely - no duvets, just blankets and I have a foam pillow, baby has her own sleeping bag away from blankets and pillows, and I breastfeed / don't drink / don't do drugs.

So I think this "friend" is nuts - but I've also heard that SS doubt approve of bed sharing so should I change it around in anticipation of a visit?

AnyaKnowIt Sat 12-Jul-14 10:35:29

Doesn't sound much of a friend

I would put some clean bedding on the bed and try and forget all about it

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 12-Jul-14 10:36:36

I would put bedding on DD1s bed so she can use it if she wants to and then ignore.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 12-Jul-14 10:37:05

just stick some bedding on your dd's bed so she has one when she wants.

I co slept at the time of a caff...they were a bit twitchy about it. thing is ds would not have it anyotherway at the time. did they really think I wnated to be used as a mattress and hear butted in the night? ds needed it.

I think it has to be really bad for ss to be involved.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sat 12-Jul-14 10:37:15

I agree definitely not a friend! Ditch her.

PedlarsSpanner Sat 12-Jul-14 10:37:58

No bedding on the bed in DD1s room

No toys in DD1s room

Why not call it the Playroom and put toys in it, you must sometimes have to be upstairs with baby with DD1 downstairs playing?

AlpacaLypse Sat 12-Jul-14 10:38:21

flowers Don't panic.

Do you have much involvement with GP, HV, nursery? Is there any professional who you've talked to about dd1's sleeping and the method you've chosen to get peace and quiet for you and dd2?

Do you have a partner to share this stress with?

PicandMinx Sat 12-Jul-14 10:39:54

Do you believe her?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sat 12-Jul-14 10:40:44

Put some bedding and books in her room and try not to worry.

gamerchick Sat 12-Jul-14 10:41:38

Just put some bedding on the bed and forget about it. They'll think she's a loon if those are the reasons she has given hmm

As long as your kids are fed, clean and you don't live in an utter shithole then I doubt you'll get more than a cursory visit if that.

As for your friend tell her if she harasses you again you'll be asking the police to have a word and dump her arse.

DoYouThinkSheSawUs Sat 12-Jul-14 10:41:41

I did see the HV several times about her poor sleeping - and got cc, bed guard or lock on door etc type of advice - which I ignored and brought her back into my bed. She is 3 btw.

She doesn't go to nursery, and yes I have a DP but he's out at the moment, and I just couldn't believe it! I am shocked. Agreed no friend. I seriously thought she was joking. I know she thinks I'm weird anyway as I'm tandem breastfeeding them both, and don't use a buggy, just slings.....

There is no such thing as "SS doesn't approve of co sleeping".

I'm a SW, I co-slept with all of my three.

You get individual SW's with their opinion, what they pick up on is supposed to be evidence based.

So you will have the recommendation of getting your five year old into her own bed.

This may come from the HV, because there isn't enough reported to generate a SW visit, straight away.

Tbh, you will be given the advice that your DD needs to make her bedroom, "hers", so being able to play in her room with her toys is part of that.

Does your DD have SN?

starlight1234 Sat 12-Jul-14 10:42:50

Did this women discuss it with you ? Bizarre.

Firstly can I say I don't think this is a SS issue and shouldn't be worried far less be expecting a visit Monday.

Don't know how old your oldest is but I do think it gets harder. I would consider going out and buying duvet cover and a few bits in her theme to make the room more inviting when you are ready to do it not because your" friend " thinks you should.

X Post, what you have is a neighbour who doesn't agree with your choices.

I would distance myself from her.

Whilewildeisonmine Sat 12-Jul-14 10:43:29

Is this something SS would be concerned about?

DoYouThinkSheSawUs Sat 12-Jul-14 10:43:53

I think she also thinks it's abusive to be breastfeeding a 3 yo...

gamerchick Sat 12-Jul-14 10:44:53

I still Co sleep with my 7 yr old.. He gets terror stricken if he wakes up alone in the night. My SIL slept with her mother until she was 16 and then she had a job getting her in her own bed.

littlewhitebag Sat 12-Jul-14 10:45:26

They may not even visit. They will do an initial screening of the call check if you are known to SS, talk to your HV etc. If they are satisfied there are no concerns they may just write to you and say they received a referral regarding you but are taking no further action. I am a SW and if I came to your house and you explained things as you have here then I would leave satisfied that all was fine. Please don't worry about it.

TeenAndTween Sat 12-Jul-14 10:47:32

Considering the conditions my ADD lived in for her first 5 years with SS involvement, I don't think they will have any issues at all with what you describe.

(Though maybe a more welcoming bedroom might encourage your DC to want to be in there more, and eventually sleep there too?)

DoYouThinkSheSawUs Sat 12-Jul-14 10:48:08

I don't want dd playing upstairs in her room unsupervised at 3 but yes I will put some toys and bedding in just in case.

Wrt SN - there is some suspicion of high functioning autism, (but no speech delay) as she really struggles socially and with getting overstimulated - haven't spoken to any professional formally about this, just friends who are "in the business" - a SEN teacher, and a child psychologist.

Thanks for the reassurances smile

I agree this will possibly prompt a visit from your HV.

She possibly will ask probing questions about the age appropriate care given to your three year old.

Reasons around why she isn't attending Nursery etc.

There is nothing wrong with the choices you are making but it's up to the HV to make sure those choices are for the right reasons, now a report has gone in.

AnAirOfHope82 Sat 12-Jul-14 10:49:25

Make sure your home is clean and safe for children and that the children have a room if they want it and it will be fine.

Food in the fridge and age approate toys and somewhere safe to play and clean clothes that fit.

Its ok to cosleep but you must show that the older child can not get to or hurt/roll on the younger child at night

Iownafourinchporsche Sat 12-Jul-14 10:52:20

Lots of other patents cosleep and do extended breastfeeding. I rely would carry on as normal and let SS find you as you are. You are doing nothing wrong. The other mum is a plonker

Oldraver Sat 12-Jul-14 10:52:28

Do you get on with your HV ? Is she on board with co-sleeping and ebf ?.

I would think of given her a headsup that a 'friend' has said she has reported you to SS as she doesn't agree with your parenting methods

Littleturkish Sat 12-Jul-14 10:52:56

You 'think' she thinks it is abusive? What makes you say that? Not just that it is wrong, but abusive??

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