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How do you enjoy being a SAHM?

(26 Posts)
ShineSmile Fri 11-Jul-14 18:40:57

I have a 13 month old DD. We do an activity in the morning (usually something at playgroup) and usually go out for shopping/park in the afternoon. Other than that, when we are home, she constantly constantly wants my attention. I have to either play with her or read to her ALL the time.

She is also a terrible sleeper (up every 2 hours), and with multiple allergies and medication etc, it is quite full on for me (well I find it full on).

How do I enjoy it? People think it's a dream job being a SAHM. Why is not for me? (I don't have the option to work ATM - not financially feasible with the extortionate childcare cost here)

thebigfoo Fri 11-Jul-14 18:42:56

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone, and that's OK smile

Philoslothy Fri 11-Jul-14 18:44:01

It is my dream "job" it is not for everyone.

Koothrapanties Fri 11-Jul-14 18:44:50

I agree, it's either something you enjoy and get a lot of satisfaction from, or its not and you look elsewhere for that sense of satisfaction. There's nothing wrong with either of those things.

Pagwatch Fri 11-Jul-14 18:45:06

I started enjoying it as soon as the children went to school

ShineSmile Fri 11-Jul-14 18:46:40

I don't have the option to not be a SAHM and I desperately want hi enjoy it smile, and that's what I need help with ...

ShineSmile Fri 11-Jul-14 18:46:58

Pagwatch gringrin

HaroldLloyd Fri 11-Jul-14 18:47:41

Have you got much of a network? do you meet up with other people much?

I was really down in the dumps in January, same position, can't really afford to work but haveone day when I do freelance work.

StandardHeight Fri 11-Jul-14 18:50:40

I don't enjoy being a sahm, I'm looking to get back to,work now that my ds in at school. I used to meet regularly with friends with kids and I went to a lot of playgroups. In fact playgroups were my saviour, do you have one near you?

ShineSmile Fri 11-Jul-14 18:50:45

Harold, tbh not really. We just relocated and it's only the mums I meet at play groups, haven't socialised much at all.

Does it get easier as my DD will get older? I just find she gets bored a lot. I read to her, play with her, but the constant wanting attention just sometimes feels overwhelming.

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure Fri 11-Jul-14 18:53:19

Definitely think it's just a personality thing - I've always worked with children and love being at home with my DD, but I also have a child who will play on her own for 15 minutes or so at a time (she's 20 months), so i think that makes a difference. At 13 months she is still quite little to be able to play on her own for very long
One way to encourage a little more playing on her own would be to sit with her for 10 -15 minutes reading a bunch of books or playing with a favourite toy or anything else she really likes to do, then get up and say you're going to get a drink and stay within sight and just let her play on her own for as long as she will. It won't be for very long to start with, but as she gets older she will be happier to entertain herself for periods of time.

HaroldLloyd Fri 11-Jul-14 18:54:50

Oh it totally gets easier, I promise.

That's all I'd suggest really is to get out and about meeting people, a fee classes and groups etc.

Sounds like a lot of the reason it's so hard for you is the relentlessness of entertaining her?

That will get easier

Philoslothy Fri 11-Jul-14 18:55:13

I think that having lot of friends or a network around you helps. I love it, but most days I meet someone for lunch or coffee. It is one long holiday really. Without lots of people around I might not enjoy it as much.

Pagwatch Fri 11-Jul-14 18:59:58


I think trying to get out of the house as much as possible helps.
And anything where they can 'help' is good too - you get something done while they get knackered doing dusting or tidying the toys.

I hated being the entertainment manager.
I walked DD everywhere . My friends would put their child in a buggy all the time. i let her wslk. It took hours and she'd be knackered. She loved it - finding leaves or little steps to step up along the route

Pagwatch Fri 11-Jul-14 19:04:35

So yes, it gets easier grin

ShineSmile Fri 11-Jul-14 19:06:06

Thanks! When will it get easier?

Pagwatch Fri 11-Jul-14 19:08:21

God - I'm old !
I think she was really fun at 2 . She would disappear into the garden with a spoon or make tea parties under her bed.
And the walking everywhere so sleeping thing...

Retropear Fri 11-Jul-14 19:33:29

Activities that amuse for a long time without you help at that age eg a baby bath outside the back door with a toy tea set,sand pit,posting toys,pegs clipped onto a tin,baskets of books everywhere,play dough on a booster seat at the kitchen table,cosy coupe in the back garden,dolly buggy in garden,saucepans with dried pasta and wooden spoons......

Imagination Tree has good activities.

A routine helps.I used to go out am,back for lunch,nap,activities such as the above,tea,CBeebies and bed.

Having a play kitchen in the corner of the kitchen helps too when you're cooking.

Heartsandspades Fri 11-Jul-14 20:11:32

It does get easier. When my DS was 13 months he was exactly the same. Now he is 2.5 he can amuse himself for quite a while and also 'help' me get jobs done

GrouchyKiwi Fri 11-Jul-14 20:44:22

I started taking my DD out for "coffee" every couple of weeks when she was about 18 months. We'd go shopping in the local shopping centre and then I'd get a hot chocolate and a cake to share with her, she'd sit in a high chair and we'd "chat". It's great fun, really.

They definitely get easier as they get older. When they play by themselves more and can focus more on a task then you are less "needed", in a way. And getting your child involved in things your doing can be fun too. My DD loves washing up the dishes. I give her a bowl of bubbly water and some plastic things and she'll wash them for as long as it takes me to get the actual washing up done.

Mintyy Fri 11-Jul-14 21:01:52

I was a sahm for a long time. I quite enjoyed it but then

1. I hated my job and didn't want to go back to it
2. I had tons of local friends with similar aged children, who I met at NCT classes.
3. When both of my dc turned 2 years old, I sent them off to a local playgroup (where parents didn't stay) for two mornings a week.
4. When they turned 3 and a half they went to school nursery 5 mornings a week.

I agree with Pag, go out every single day. I am very lucky as I live in London and there are hundreds of free things to do. I couldn't have done it in a small village where I knew no one.

MrsMarigold Fri 11-Jul-14 21:09:39

I quite like it but I find getting out the door in the morning takes a lot of energy - possibly because they are close in age and I've tried to encourage independence - so they choose their breakfast and clothes and try to dress themselves which can be painfully slow. (DS just three and DD nearly two).

Sometimes it is a bit lonely but now they talk it's much better and I get a real kick out of seeing how their vocabularies and communication skills are improving.

I see local friends. Some days we don't go out but we are lucky enough to have a spacious house.

rollmeover Fri 11-Jul-14 21:13:01

My dd is 3 and 1/2 and its only been in the last 4 months or so that the need for constant attention has reduced. I think it is very much down to the individual childs nature. Friends children seem to occupy themselves
for ages and dd would want constant supervision/interaction.

I did the same as you, an activity every morning home for lunch and nap and then playdate/out to park etc in the afternoon. It is draining though and i think feeds the cycle - we didnt have time in the house so she never learnt to play by herself; and because she didnt play by herself so we went out to keep busy. aaaarrrgggggh

How did it improve? A sibling has helped, its simply not possible to give her my attention, and I think just growing up too, so time is what you might have to give it.

Sorry, no real advice there on how to improve the situation, but I know how hard it can be.

Rivercam Fri 11-Jul-14 21:21:43

It sounds like you are having a tough time, and also sleep deprived. That can't help.

Can you implement a sleep programme to help her sleep? I found controlled crying worked for me, but there are options if you don't want to go down that route. I think if you all get better quality sleep, you'll feel a lot better.

It's good you are meeting people.

Are you allowing some 'me' time for yourself? It can be anything - reading, a bath, a hobby. You need time to relax also.

Are you getting support from you dh? Sometimes they assume that if you are at home all the time, you don't need a break, but you do. Make sure he does some of the childcare, even if it's just at the weekend.

Sillylass79 Fri 11-Jul-14 21:23:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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