Please note that threads in this topic are removed from the archive 90 days after the thread was started. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it.

I don't know what's wrong with me

(25 Posts)
shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 18:19:15

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I recently started work as an HCA, I thought I'd love it. I do like the work but it's exhausting and I am falling into thinking , oh no, I have work again. I never thought that would happen. I'm scheduled for roughly 3-5 12.25 hour shifts a week, spilt into blocks of 3 at maximum. This week I'm written down to work Sat, Sun, Mon and then Fri, Sat, Sun.

I recently graduated uni (actually had my ceremony on Monday). Due to family circumstances it wasn't what I had wanted at all, and I haven't had a chance to celebrate at all unfortunately - y gran took me to get my photo taken but I hate people looking at me and just felt a bit of an idiot having it done.

I've moved into a new flat, only two streets from my old one. I'm finding it very hard to mix with fm flatmates at all - there's a language barrier, both are older and don't seem interested. I'm not socially great myself (probably have aspergers apparently) but do my best, although I Hardly see them. One leaves notes all the time asking me to do things for her (e.g. 'When were you planning on taking the bin out?' or 'When are you cleaning the flat?' (Has asked me to sign a rota stating I will clean entire flat every third week) but doesn't talk to me otherwise.

The flat's old (70s decor) and it's dirty - not awful dirty but it's not clean either, the kitchen cupboards aren't nice apart from mine (sorry, but true). It's like sleeping in a cheap caravan to be honest.

I don't even have a bed at present, using a sofa bed - am waiting til family can help me sort the double bed I've been given (it's half put together). I'm dyspraxic so DM not happy with me having a go myself. Has removed tools/screws so I can't lol.

The girls at work are very nice, really friendly and funny and I like their company. A couple I don't think like me much - look at me as if I'm stupid, but everyone else is lovely. They've invited me out in a couple of weeks. They're wanting to go to pubs/nightclubs and I'm teetotal, and haven't really been to clubs before. I'm trying to persuade myself to go but am sort of dreading it.

I'm physically exhausted, wanting to sleep all day and have even had to nap a few times. I have to get up between 430 and 5 for work, and get home at 830ish at night. I've never worked so hard before which might explain the tiredness.

I also haven't had my work training yet so am guessing/copying others 99% of the time, which worries me in case I'm making mistakes.

I've also had vaginal bleeding for I think 6 weeks, which is worrying me. It's not heavy but it's enough to be exhausting. GP said to ignore it - it'll be the mirena coil causing it, and it will stop eventually, but I'm struggling to do that when every time I go for a wee it's full of blood clots (sorry).

Have had a nasty uti for seven weeks as well that I can't clear, because I can't get into the habit of taking the meds I was prescribed during work (breaks aren't always at the same time and I can't always go to the loo).

The thing is, I think with a new job, new house, graduation, I should be really happy and excited but I'm not. I'm exhausted, fed up and all I can see is that I'm working through tiredness, during lovely hot weekends, missing out and for what. The wage I get only just covers basic living expenses, if I want clothes and that I'll have to save up for them..

The work's so hard as well - dealing with seriously ill or disabled adults, some of who will die very soon. it's difficult to know how to help them although I do my best just to make everyone as comfortable and happy as can be. I go home and can't stop thinking of them, worrying etc.

I don't know what to do to make myself a bit more comfortable though! My work offers counselling but I don't want to approach them in case they tell my boss. My GP knows I'm struggling - I phoned her sobbing last week - and admitted when she first started work she spent half her time crying in the cupboard. She said it would get better over time. She's on holiday otherwise I'd ring her again.

I suppose I feel better for having written all that down but I wish I could sort things, and feel a bit better/more positive and I don't know how.

shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 18:24:44

I sound bloody ungrateful r.e. the photographs, there's a back story there and I didn't explain it well, sorry.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 11-Jul-14 18:26:24

Oh, chuck sad thanks <for you.

First of all, go back to your GP and ask for a sick note so that you can have some time to rest! Also ask for her/him to check your bloods for iron to make sure you're not anaemic. You've been bleeding for so long it's likely, and this will also make you feel run down and exhausted.

The job sounds like a stepping stone to something else, so keep at it. Likewise with your flat. It's not a permanent thing and once you've had a proper rest and some iron you'll be feeling loads better and ready to face all of this.

Huge hugs.

minifingers Fri 11-Jul-14 18:32:34

Hi shouldnthavesaid
First off - congratulations on graduating and on your new job! :-)

I think it would be weird if you didn't feel very tired and a bit low - you are not 100% well, you have a very exhausting job, and you can't relax at home because your flatmates are not welcoming and kind.

I think you need to get your health sorted ASAP, accept that it will take you about 3 to 6 months to get acclimatised to work, and start looking for a nicer flat share quite soon.

Can I just point out - the work you do is so, so important and I'm sure you are very much appreciated by the patients and their families. I bet every day you do something that brings light into the life of someone who's very ill. Please try to feel some satisfaction in that - the good you do is very real, and makes the world a better place for all of us. thanks

minifingers Fri 11-Jul-14 18:34:08

Absolutely agree re: the bleeding and anaemia by the way. It could be the reason you feel so low and exhausted.

Optimist1 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:38:51

Don't want to read and run, OP. Your post reminded me that when I first started work I was so tired that I had to go to bed every day as soon as I got home (and that was just regular 9-5.30 + commute)! But then I read on and I really think your gynae issues could be contributing to your malaise, so please go back to the GP and see if there's anything that can be done.

Another thing I remember from my youth about a hundred years ago was that I mentally divided my life into three parts - home, work and lovelife. If any one of these was less than happy I could cope. If two were unhappy then I was struggling. Luckily for me I never experienced problems in all three simultaneously. I'm not sure which area of your life you feel most able to tackle first?

Your colleagues sound mostly friendly, and at least they understand the struggles you're going through. They might be more committed party animals than you, by the sound of it, but don't rule them out - you might have more fun that you think.

The flatmates don't sound very sociable, but I'm wondering whether this is your first experience of sharing with strangers? Might it be worth seeing if you can sit down together for coffee and cake (everyone loves cake, surely?) and get to know each others' expectations better?

Not a lot of help, but just a few random thoughts from me. I think if you get the gynae stuff sorted and get more used to those punishing shifts you'll feel stronger and more able to face the world. And by the way, you're doing a fantastic job - there are few of us who could genuinely care for very sick people.

TheFirmament Fri 11-Jul-14 18:39:03

Oh you poor thing. It's a BIG adjustment and I remember when I graduated and started full-time work, coming home and just falling asleep every evening. For you it's worse, you're job is extra exhausting and you're not well. Losing that much blood is likely to mean anaemia.

Your GP is right that you will get used to it. My life now - 20+ years on - is sooooooo busy and I'm much less tired. I've just adjusted.

But at the same time I would want a lot more support with this bleeding and infection issue. Set a time to take your meds, e.g. when you wake up or when you eat - use your phone to set reminders. I would also being going back to the GP to say you need help with this, maybe consider not having the coil?

Your home and flatmates have such a big impact on your life too, I remember this so well. Over time, you can improve this situation as well. Not while you're so tired, but have it as a long-term plan to look for something nicer eventually.

And lastly start on iron asap, I mean today. You don't need the GP for this. Go to the chemist and get some Feroglobin and have a double dose every day (this is advised on the box for when menstruating so it is safe). It is a lifesaver for me.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 11-Jul-14 18:45:40

Sorry, but it's not a good idea to start taking iron until after you've had a blood test as it messes around with the results. Make an appointment with your GP as soon as you can, get them to sign you off work for a week so that you can rest and clear your infection, and ask for a blood test. Try to take any iron meds with orange juice if you can, as it helps adsorption. Avoid wheat based things (bread and pasta) as it can prevent absorption.

I have crazy periods and Magnesium and Zinc seems to help. You can also try Neurofen. Tranexamic Acid, which helps with bleeding, is basically ibuprofen. I take Vitamin D too, and it helps me to wake up (amongst other things).

shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 19:05:54

I will definitely phone the GP. Am considering ringing NHS 24 tonight and seeing what they think, I'm so tired that I'm dizzy every time I stand up. The coil itself seems OK - e.g strings haven't gone or anything.. I'm not sure about having it removed as prior I was ending up spending first two days of each period in bed unable to stop spewing. GP and gynae think it's endometriosis but said that the coil's probably the best treatment for that and it's not worth having a laparoscopy to diagnose for definite.

I've lived with strangers before through uni, but last flat share was three years and I got to see it as home, loved living with my two flatmates, etc so it's taking a lot of adjusting to going back to not feeling quite home.. I am seriously considering moving not too soon but probably within a year. I'm unsure as I'm still in my GPs catchment area and she doesn't want me moving outwith that, so she can carry on supporting me.

I think the major difficulty is we have no social area as such so we have no reason to see each other , we share a kitchen but I'm using the lounge as a bedroom and so we don't tend to bump into each other often at all. Neither of them have Facebook either so less chance to get to know each other really.. I will actually stick some nice juice and something to eat in the kitchen though :D

I do enjoy the patient care side of things and the variety - no day is ever the same, etc, I love that. It's just so hard knowing how to help sometimes, e.g. to be caring but not so much that I get attached, or to empathise but not so much that I'm coming home thinking, what in earth would I do if that were me , or a relative of mine, etc.. But I've seen two seriously ill patients have huge improvements and they've been able to thank me, and it's so nice to go home feeling I've helped them a bit. I love that.

My colleagues said that by the time I get used to the job I'll be looking for another one!

It is a stepping stone yes, I'm wanting to be a speech therapist and trying to get experience (and money) before trying to apply for a postgrad.

RE, taking a week off - I am wondering about that as well. I have a few days off (scheduled) due to working a bit more this week but I am thinking of phoning in tomorrow (well, would need to be tonight) and saying I can't make it in, and instead, seeing if I can go to ooh or call nhs 24 and ask for advice. I'm just worried, I missed a day last month with uti and I don't want to call in again (although I have seen loads of staff call in sick, and some come in late, etc). I don't know how pay works if you miss a day either.

Thanks for all lovely posts flowers xx

shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 19:07:07

Yeah I've been told that before r.e. iron, I've had emergency bloods done before when I felt the same way (every period I have had with mirena is lasting an age) and was told not to take iron until they had my bloods tested.

I have ordered 'vitamin juice' though with added ginseng or something so that might help a tiny bit!

shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 19:25:57

Yeah I definitely can't take time off, it says online you can only miss a maximum of six days per 12 months before you need a referal to occ health and monitoring. If it's six days in 12 months they are going to freak if I say I can't make it tomorrow.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 11-Jul-14 19:31:05

Call in sick if you're feeling unwell and light headed, it's not good to faint on the patients wink It sounds to me as though you're anaemic, and once you get on top of this you'll be feeling sooooo much better. Bleeding wise, I take cerazette so rarely have periods now (I have fibroids so they would never get a coil in there). They were lasting 21 days with 7 of them very heavy. I needed a blood transfusion last year as my bloods were so low. Northisterone can stop periods, and tranexamic can lighten them. Try ibuprofen/nurofen first (be aware that they can cause gastro problems though). Have they done an ultrasound?

House mate wise, a piss up sounds like it's in order (when you're feeling better). It will give you all a chance to get to know each other.

LadySybilLikesCake Fri 11-Jul-14 19:31:48

Get a note from your GP. You're unfit to work at the moment.

ItHasANiceRingWhenYouLaugh Fri 11-Jul-14 20:14:59

You have been through a major transition. I have seen some of your previous threads and I just want to point out that I am not all surprised you are not jumping with joy right now. Quite apart from your gynaecological stuff, which definitely needs a doctor's attention, the emotional stuff you have been going g through is draining. You are not in the situation of other mid twenties bright young things embarking on a new career, supported by their wealthy family and out having fun. sad so don't beat yourself up about not being peppy!

thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks

shouldnthavesaid Fri 11-Jul-14 20:44:27

I've done to a bit of a conclusion of sorts for tomorrow. I'm going to chill just now until 9.30ish, and then go to bed, and get up in time for work. If overnight I feel much worse, I'll call the ward and speak to tonight's charge nurse and see what she thinks. If not I'll see how I am in the morning. Will talk to charge/band 6 nurse tomorrow and see what they think of the situation (medical wise, I haven't told my boss about home as not sure if I should).

At least that way I'm making the effort, showing face etc.

shouldnthavesaid Sat 12-Jul-14 06:25:35

I've had my breakfast, started gagging everywhere. Phoned work who said I can't come in if I've been sick but to ring Ward this afternoonsad I'm so scared I'm going to lose my job.

LadySybilLikesCake Sat 12-Jul-14 08:54:42

You won't lose your job if you're ill, they probably just want to check you're OK (and home incase you're pulling a sickie). They don't sack people for being unwell unless it's a constant issue. Even then it takes ages so don't panic!

shouldnthavesaid Sat 12-Jul-14 11:13:28

Waiting on nhs 24 phoning back, they aren't happy that I've been bleeding for 7 weeks so going to see if can be seen at ooh today.

Yeah they said just to phone and let them know whats up and whether I'll be fit for work tomorrow/Monday.

I don't know what happens when you're off one day, I presume I won't be paid though which means I've lost out on £100 or so.

postcardofagoldenretriever Sat 12-Jul-14 11:19:02

Ask for a run of complete blood tests OP - it is probably nothing serious eg. anaemia, but there are other things that can cause tiredness and bleeding so it's best to be sure you've had a complete check over. Good luck xx

shouldnthavesaid Sat 12-Jul-14 12:58:58

Still waiting on an nhs callback :/ phoned them and told them I am feeling worse and they said someone will call by 2pm.

shouldnthavesaid Sat 12-Jul-14 14:00:35

Got an appointment at 5 to see a GP. Apparently to expect an internal and if they think I need it blood tests and a bladder scan. Not my favourite way to spend my Saturday but can't be helped I guess, going to ring work as soon as I'm done and see what will happen with tomorrow's shift.

magpiegin Sat 12-Jul-14 14:11:11

They can't fire you for being ill. If it's the NHS you're working for, all trusts have similar sickness policies- I do and in 2012 I had 5 months off sick and still have my job (and I had not been there long when I had to go off!)

Good luck with the doctors later.

shouldnthavesaid Sat 12-Jul-14 14:24:49

Yeah it's nhs. I googled a bit last night and read a (possibly outdated or drafted) policy that stated you can have only 6 days sickness maximum or 4 periods of sickness, before they have to do an occ health referal.

I'm trying to persuade myself that my GP took six months off last year and still has her job, with no problems at all other than a phased return. That and one of my colleagues has been off six months apparently. So I'm hopeful I'll be Ok. Once I know the outcome of tonight I'll ring them.

LadySybilLikesCake Sat 12-Jul-14 15:02:23

An occ health referral is just a chat with occupational health. All they do is ask if there's anything they can do to help to minimise the time you need off sick, they don't sack you. If it's a prolonged issue over years then they may find some way, but not for only a week.

postcardofagoldenretriever Sat 12-Jul-14 23:11:54

How are you, OP?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now