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Give me a 'script' for answering scam callers

(95 Posts)
Currywurst Fri 11-Jul-14 18:10:55

I am at home without DCs and DH and I just got the 'you have a problem with your computer' call. Normally I am too busy to play along with this but I decided to reel her in. She must have detected the tone of sceptical amusement in my voice and she put the phone down.

What's the best way of dealing with these calls? I guess the sensible thing is to say 'no thank you,goodbye' but I would like to try and rile or out smart these people. They must gain something from it otherwise they wouldn't carry on. The thought of people like my elderly parents getting taken in really bothers me. If enough people waste their time maybe they will calculate that it's not worth it. Any tips?

eltsihT Fri 11-Jul-14 18:15:22

I played along with one and when they asked me to type it into my computer I typed it into google. When they asked what my computer said I read out what Google said about it being a scam. The guy then passed me to his manager who asked me why I was so stupid to type it into google rather than where they told me too.

I politely replied I wasn't stupid enough not to have excellent upto date anti virus software and to download things onto my PC or to do something to my PC someone who rang me asked me to... He then hung up. I didn't get bothered again.

Theselittlelightsofmine Fri 11-Jul-14 18:17:09

I tell them I either don't have a computer or I don't use windows just Firefox.
Had a car accident phone call yesterday, told them they were mistaken as I don't drive, lady apologised and then said bye rather than just hanging up like they normally do.

Currywurst Fri 11-Jul-14 18:17:29

Oh what a good idea eltsihT! <sits by phone expectantly>

Bookaholic Fri 11-Jul-14 18:18:38

My current favourite response (to the very rare calls I get because TPS works fairly well) is to sob theatrically and ask, in heart broken tones, why they've phoned me just to tell me lies. sob sniffle whimper

It amuses me and as they're wasting my time I have no worries about messing with them in return.

dontcallmemam Fri 11-Jul-14 18:20:46

I just say "I belong to TPS, you're breaking the law by contacting me so please take me off your database". Normally works.

Incidentally, I don't know if they are actually breaking the law.

Currywurst Fri 11-Jul-14 18:22:30

That's good bookaholic.

I can truthfully say I don't have a car or windows computer but where's the fun in that? When the landline rings I drop what I'm doing and run. If it's someone wanting to con me rather than one of my family I want them to pay for wasting my time!

Boaty Fri 11-Jul-14 18:24:15

DD had a car accident call saying that they knew she had a car registered to her in 2003....she pointed out she was 10 years old in 2003! They hung up!
I have had the windows call today..told them they were right I had a windows problem...they needed a window cleaner I can barely see through them! wink

EllaJayne123 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:24:36

When I worked in a call centre my script would usually start with 'can I ask you a question' and one man asked if he could first, I agreed and he proceeded to ask me several questions about my life, my underwear ect I quickly put him on the no call list and didn't bother continuing.. I now do it to any cold caller and works a treat! Also quite amusing too! Haha

Boaty Fri 11-Jul-14 18:27:17

Just thought of another...when a friend gets a call she lets her autistic 4 year old have the phone..he 'chatters' at them..he is non verbal..just babbles in his own language at them...he likes phones!

Myfanwyprice Fri 11-Jul-14 18:31:45

I usually say I'm the babysitter and can they call back!

Bookaholic Fri 11-Jul-14 18:35:07

Another approach - people selling something: "Sorry, we're broke"; people offering loans etc "Sorry, we're very rich"

I've heard DH use both of those in the same evening.

Rockdoctor Fri 11-Jul-14 18:37:50

I usually ask them for (a) the name of the company they are calling from, and (b) a street address for the company so that I can write and ask to be taken off their call list (I understand that legally they can't refuse this), usually they hang up pretty quickly but it can be amusing for a while as I just keep repeating the questions.

My DH claims he is a very busy man and asks them for a credit card number so that he can charge his time to them at a rate of £15 per minute (or whatever figure comes into his head).

I also heard (I think here), that a good one is to ask them if they can get off the line as it is currently being monitored by the police in relation to a criminal investigation - that may constitute "impersonating a police officer" so I wouldn't recommend it.

wellthatsdoneit Fri 11-Jul-14 18:43:25

I normally say, "Ooh, brilliant, I'm so glad you called - could you hang on for a minute please, I just need to turn the cooker off". Then I lie the phone on the side and come back to it half an hour later or so. Tying up their time prevents them from being on the phone to someone more vulnerable (like my elderly parents).

Mostlyjustaluker Fri 11-Jul-14 18:45:39

I just say I am not interested thank you. Good bye. Leaving no room for them the speak and immediately putting the phone down x

StandardHeight Fri 11-Jul-14 18:45:49

For the PC one it's aimed at windows pcs so I just say I have a mac. Surprisingly they don't say thank you and goodbye.

StandardHeight Fri 11-Jul-14 18:47:49

Wellthatsdoneit. That's funny, I used to know someone who used to say I'm just putting you on hold and put the phone by a CD player/iPod and play music.

Optimist1 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:47:54

In spite of being on TPS, 9 out of 10 calls I get on my landline are encouraging me to claim for an accident, mis-sold PPI or some such but today I had one where the chap said he worked for xx company (can't remember the name but it was very similar to TPS) and was I experiencing problems with unwanted calls? Yes, I said. He went on to tell me that they could provide a call blocker that would deal with 100% of all unwanted calls. Yeah, right ...

StandardHeight Fri 11-Jul-14 18:51:33

Have you listed as ex directory?

Hobby2014 Fri 11-Jul-14 18:54:05

My PIL always say oh I'm glad you've called, one sec I need to grab a pen and paper, and then leave the phone on the side.

HumpsForHalfMile Fri 11-Jul-14 18:57:24

I haven't answered the landline in about 10 years because of sales calls, but if ever I could be arsed, I used to just keep randomly saying 'yep, mm-mm, yep, can you tell me more about that?' Repeated for as long as they or I could be bothered.

swooosh Fri 11-Jul-14 18:58:02

"I'm not the home owner, sorry"

LGJ Fri 11-Jul-14 18:59:57

Would you like to buy some double glazing, sorry we are broke.

We can arrange finance

Darling, this nice person has offered to get us a loan for new windows, I told you being bankrupt wouldn't be that bad.

They never ever call again.


Then I got TPS, and all the joy went out of my life. gringrin

olaflikeswarmhugs Fri 11-Jul-14 19:02:22

Myfan that's what I do ! But from how on I am putting my 20mo on the phone he loves phones ! Thanks boaty for the idea smilesmile

lunar1 Fri 11-Jul-14 19:02:39

My friend practices his chat up lines on them, it's hysterical to listen to.

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