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If your child had been suspended....would you still take them on a fantastic holiday?

(30 Posts)
unlucky83 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:09:56

A few problems at primary but now over 2 yrs at secondary the DC has been suspended numerous times - for disrupting classes, being verbally abusive to teachers, bullying, has hit a fellow pupil, made a racist comment to another etc etc...

DC was suspended in the final week of term (Scotland so school hols here now).
They have gone on holiday for a few weeks...
Friend is posting lots of photos on facebook - DC doing lots of exciting/ expensive activities....with comments like 'look how fantastic DC is - I'm so proud'
(DC is an only child - and more than a bit spoilt)

Feel churlish not liking or commenting - becoming a little embarrassing ... but...can't think of anything to say...

I guess just not how I would have handled the suspension - don't think I would gone so far as cancelling the holiday....but actually I might have (seeing as main beneficiary seems to be DC) -
pretty sure my DC wouldn't be having quite so much fun...or I wouldn't be advertising it - or say how proud I was....
But maybe that's just me?

SantanaLopez Fri 11-Jul-14 17:11:52

Absolutely not.

There's always their side to the story, however...

LegoCaltrops Fri 11-Jul-14 17:13:51

It does seem like they are rewarding bad behaviour. Perhaps there are circumstances you are not aware of though.

Mrsjayy Fri 11-Jul-14 17:14:21

Why ruin a family holiday I spose he sounds a brat though

NickNacks Fri 11-Jul-14 17:15:17

It's easy to say you wouldn't but what's the alternative? The whole family misses out? A previously booked and arranged holiday is abandoned? Presumably a lot of money wasted?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Fri 11-Jul-14 17:16:03

As he is an only child I would cancel the holiday or send him to grandparents for a week. If I had other dc I would not cancel to the detriment of the other kids, and would not mention the suspension but ground for the remainder of the holidays on our return.

Clearly they are the cause of his bad behaviour and so id just see the ohotos and go "no wonder!" Amd be thankful he wasnt mine.

bigTillyMint Fri 11-Jul-14 17:17:55

A child who is behaving like that is almost certainly unhappy in his skin. There may be all sorts of reasons why this is happening, but it sounds like the parents may need to look at themselves...

bughunt Fri 11-Jul-14 17:19:31

It's a family holiday, they all probably need it and looked forward to it. You don't know how they've dealt with the suspension. To me, that would be a separate issue. No way would I cancel a my holiday because my child had behaved badly at school, but I would impose other sanctions and not discuss those on facebook.

DesmondIsMyConstant Fri 11-Jul-14 17:19:32

The holiday would have been booked and paid for before the suspension.

They would no doubt have lost hundreds/thousands if they had cancelled and once there, no point in all sitting around bored and miserable.

I would deal with the behaviour, but not at the expense of everyone.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 11-Jul-14 17:24:03

This particular situation is none of your business.

Would I cancel a holiday because DC has been suspended? No. It would be dealt with in other ways. I wouldn't be punishing the suspension though, I'd be punishing the behaviour that led to the suspension.

Floggingmolly Fri 11-Jul-14 17:24:20

What's she so proud of? The fact that he's doing expensive activities? confused She's raising a complete brat, unfortunately, and his behaviour will only get worse.

pigwitch Fri 11-Jul-14 17:28:20

The child sounds delightful hmm.

AnyFucker Fri 11-Jul-14 17:28:33

More fool you for thinking that putting photos on FB is proof of a fabulous life and all is hunky dory and this clearly disturbed boy is getting anything more than a financially advantageous life

The conclusion I have come to is that there is a positive correlation between how truly shit one's life is and how much you boast about it on social media

unlucky83 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:28:47

I don't think the DC is unhappy - this child has and does everything and anything they want..
I have had to bite my tongue in the past ...when there were problems at primary. My friend said she didn't understand - they always behaved for them ...missing that they never actually said No to them or told them to do anything they didn't want to...

I think the 'no wonder' comment might be good ...

adventura Fri 11-Jul-14 17:30:46

DS was excluded numerous times in mainstream school due to their poor understanding of his autism (pre- and post-diagnosis). I didn't let it affect his holidays or weekend treats, his behaviour was a form of communicating how distressed he was and an indication that his school was not meeting his needs (thankfully he's now in a very understanding special school). I never mentioned it on FB as I rarely talk about DC/family life online though.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 11-Jul-14 17:31:22

Maybe, he's deeply unhappy and they thought the holiday might help? Like therapy?

AdoraBell Fri 11-Jul-14 17:35:27

No, I would spend the money on a good child psychologist who could help me and my Dc resolve whatever the underlying issues are that cause the behaviour. Be that being spoilt as you say, or something else.

But that's me, fuck the excuses give me a reason and then we'll see what can be done.

HumpsForHalfMile Fri 11-Jul-14 17:36:20

What would you have them do? Not spend nice, quality family time together?

AdoraBell Fri 11-Jul-14 17:44:27

I think it could only be nice quality family time if the family are in denial about why the child is as they are.

Barring medical issues it is almost gauranted to be down to something the Dc is feeling, not feeling, getting or not getting from the family, or effects from a person outside of the immediate family. And if it's been going on as long as the OP says then the DC clearly needs more help than a holiday.

Personally I couldn't relax and enjoy a holiday knowing that my child is so troubled as to behave in the ways described.

mumofthemonsters808 Fri 11-Jul-14 17:44:42

Giving her the benefit of doubt, I'm presuming the holiday was already booked and to cancel it would result in a lot of money being lost. Personally, if my child was suspended, I would not even be in the holiday mood to even enjoy it, maybe the change of scenery would take my anger and disappointment away, but things certainly would not be honky dory. But that's just me, not everyone supports their child's school and agrees with their teachers judgments and decisions.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 11-Jul-14 17:44:57

Oh and just because he has everything and anything he wants, that doesn't make for a happy child. Maybe they neglect him in other ways or so ethnics happening to him at school.

He could well be a disruptive naughty little tike who knows.

School have dealt with the behaviour we don't know what the parents have done though. But maybe some uninterrupted family time is what he really needs to feel more secure.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 11-Jul-14 17:46:02

wtf with the typo blush

SOMETHInG's

LeBearPolar Fri 11-Jul-14 17:49:55

Why is the only child bit relevant?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Fri 11-Jul-14 17:51:27

I wouldn't cancel a family holiday. It would be dealt with in other ways. I wouldn't be on fb at all but she might be doing it to paint everything rosier than it is iykwim? Also the saying 'a child needs a hug the most when it least deserves it' might well be applicable in this situation.

Either way, it's not your business OPwink

Ludways Fri 11-Jul-14 17:52:35

Yes, I would. Positive family experiences would be part of my dealing with the problem, obviously along with some very serious other work.

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