Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

Ashamed that I enjoyed hospital stay for major surgery

(35 Posts)
lamettarules Fri 11-Jul-14 12:03:54

Have name changed .

Although major tribute to nurses and doctors I'm ashamed to say that I enjoyed the care and attention . Keep thinking I'll never be looked after like this again .Op was last year .

I always feel guilty and that I'm not entitled to things but my life is loads better than many . Have DP who isn't unkind though a little unimaginative and not that good at me being unwell . DS who I worry about .

The op was for cancer ( I was in for 12 days ,on HDU for 4 ,not breast cancer ) and I'm also deeply ashamed to admit that I quite liked the attention that went with the cancer treatment .

I know this is an insult to those who have lost ,or are loosing ,loved ones through cancer . Forgive me but I don't know who to admit this to .

Why feel you have to 'admit' it? A bit of tlc is nice, no matter what. It's your right when you're ill!

bunnyfrance Fri 11-Jul-14 12:09:47

I understand and know where you're coming from. I've had two, thankfully minor, operations and particularly loved my second stay. I had two nights to myself in hospital - food served on a tray (any food I don't have to make myself is delicious!), washing up done for me, nice clean bedding every day...people looking after me etc. I still call it my "mini-break"!!

Nerf Fri 11-Jul-14 12:10:08

I don't think people really all have virtuous, humble thoughts all the time. It's perfectly fine to enjoy a bit of being looked after, especially at a time when you needed it.
It's when you try to recreate that - is that what's bothering you?
But honestly, I really wouldn't worry.

Sorry to hear you were ill. I hope you're fully recovered now? thanks

I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed of. As bunny says, it's nice to be looked after sometimes, and to be treated kindly and have attention paid to you. It's a shame that you don't have times in your life when these things happen without something so drastic happening.

Chocotrekkie Fri 11-Jul-14 12:15:43

I was in hospital for 2 weeks - 'twas a private one too.

It was lovely - I got my own tv and could watch corrie omnibus as well as the episodes..

They came round with a menu every day - lovely food and they took the dirty dishes away.
They also came round 3 times a day with coffee and home made cake.

The lovely cleaner came twice a day. She even organised magazine swaps which was an excellent idea. (you put in your mag you had read and chose another one).

The kids visited for an hour all clean, organised and fed.

Your dirty washing vanished and was replaced by clean clothes.

You pressed a little button and they brought you more lovely pain killers.

They thought you were a star for getting out of bed and walking up the corridor to the hot chocolate machine

Free wifi - you can browse crap websites all day without feeling guilty.

Afternoon naps - encouraged !!

Ok the operation and pain bit wasn't great and the stress levels of my DH was a downside but I was practically in tears when I had to go home.

lamettarules Fri 11-Jul-14 12:15:58

I suppose I feel guilty because people were worried about me - though I did my best to reassure them and I think they were surprised by how well I coped .

I guess I feel my reaction is abnormal . I suppose I welcomed being able to sort of step out of my RL for a while . And I think that's a bit pathetic given that my RL isn't bad .

But I'm cheered by comments so far ,it's always great to hear that other people have experienced similar .

Morethanalittlebitconfused Fri 11-Jul-14 12:17:00

Nothing to be ashamed of but I'm assuming you were on a ward without disruptive patients and so could be looked after so well

The last time I was in hospital I shared a bay with 3 ladies with dementia and the other 2 were virtually unconscious the whole time, I think i spent more time caring for them than the actual nurses even though I was extremely I'll myself.

No harm in enjoying being cared for and having the attention but I do feel you are perhaps in the minority to be afforded such high levels of care

lamettarules Fri 11-Jul-14 12:19:38

choccotrekkie you've got me grin .
Mine was NHS ,but the food was fabulous . Sadly I couldn't do it justice ,but all the same .

spindlyspindler Fri 11-Jul-14 12:20:08

I don't think it's abnormal. I'm not sure your hospital stay is typical (mine was largely characterised by lights which never seemed to be switched off and being woken every four hours for obs or medication) but if you have to be in hospital and you have a serious medical condition I would say that enjoying it is a plus and nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you feel better soon. thanks

lamettarules Fri 11-Jul-14 12:24:11

Oh even with the lights and various issues from other patients and their visitors ,and the broken toilet ,and the care at night being a bit lacking ,and yes ,looking after others even though I was trailing 2 drips and oxygen - I still enjoyed it .

Branleuse Fri 11-Jul-14 12:26:44

im now tempted to go and break my leg or something

Pancakeflipper Fri 11-Jul-14 12:28:21

A few years ago I had a stay at a NHS Hospital.

I got my own room with an ensuite. Bit worrying as its a room used for patients who will die.

I will never tell DP how I loved my remote control bed. A TV for me. Chance to read a book. Food brought to me and dirty plates taken away and I got ice cream everyday.

A lovely cleaner. A lovely nurse on night duty who would come to chat to me and reassure me.

The treatment was painful which slightly ruined my break away....

gobbin Fri 11-Jul-14 12:28:58

It's not abnormal, I've been home 3 days following a 16 day stay and was lucky to have my own room for the second half of that - hotel-like service all the time made recovery quicker.

I hate being on a larger ward (first half was in a 9- bedder) as I'm an antisocial ill person and really hate making small talk when I feel like shit.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere Fri 11-Jul-14 12:32:20

Yes I recognise those feelings OP. When I was pregnant I had a 3/4 day hospital stay. It was lovely to just rest, switch off from the DCs, day to day life, the todo lists and household running. I think the best bit was not having anyone demand my attention, no partner wanting to talk at me, no DCs climbing on me and shrieking about broken bananas. I was also sad when I had to go home and have in dire moments, wished I could be ill again so I could go back! I think it's normal to relish an enforced break, because when it's enforced, there's no guilt attached is there?

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere Fri 11-Jul-14 12:34:40

And of course whilst saying all this I'm blocking out the memory of vomiting none stop for 24 hours, with curtains round my bed open and 6 other women pretending they didn't notice or see. And the huge (really, HUGE) anti emetic injections I was given every few hours for days afterwards which hurt like fuck bled so much my sheets needed to be changed. I think rose tinted specs come into play sometimes grin

KnackeredMuchly Fri 11-Jul-14 12:38:54

I can't remember what illness I was being a hypochondriac about recently, but I really thought I might have to go into hospital for a few days... And by golly I was SO excited at the prospect!! I have a 15 month old and have another baby due, I knew I was going to be able to rest, and sleep. Of course there was nothing wrong with me but I happily daydreamed for a while!!

My DH spent 10 days in hospital when he broke his foot badly, and he really enjoyed his time. He wouldn't let me bring in any food because he really enjoyed all the options and new things he got to try 3 meals a day. Yes that's right - he was delighted to be eating hospital food!

BuilderMammy Fri 11-Jul-14 12:45:27

I was in for a week very early in my pregnancy with DS, because my blood pressure was all over the show. I bloody loved it : ) DD had just turned 1 and wasn't walking yet, and was quite unhappy about it, so she was very high maintenance and complainy for a while, plus was still a really bad sleeper. So I really enjoyed the relative peace and quiet! I had a laptop of films, earphones and internet access, and I felt like I was on holidays (sort of).

foreverforaging Fri 11-Jul-14 12:49:23

I think it's more the care and attention you received, isn't it? No, I don't think there is anything wrong with admitting that at all. Is there any way you can simulate the same experience (i.e going for a spa day?).

I helped XP through a very serious illness over the period of a year (in and out of hospital, stints in ITU, etc.). Got transferred up to St Thomas' so lots of trips back and forth after a full day at work. A year or so later, I was in hospital and ended up very poorly after a general anaesthetic. He really couldn't have given a monkeys! It was very upsetting. Needless to say, I dumped him a couple of months after that. Best thing I ever did!

beccajoh Fri 11-Jul-14 12:54:15

I had a week in hospital after cancer surgery recently, and aside from the awful reason I was there in the first place, it wasn't half bad. People at my beck and call, choice of meals (it was pretty good), tea and biscuits regularly. Plenty of time to read. I did miss my children though.

MisguidedAngel Fri 11-Jul-14 13:27:52

I couldn't agree more with the posts above. A few years ago I had an accident and had to have a prosthesis in my upper arm. The initial stay and the operation in a (French) hospital was painful and scarey and I was in a two-bedded room with a series of quite disturbed elderly women. But after that I spent three months in a wonderful rehabilitation hospital literally on the edge of a beach in Brittany with my own room, phone, tv and bathroom. I had four or five different types of therapy every day, I got waited on hand and foot, I even had to be helped to shower and dress. I loved it. Most women haven't had that sort of care and attention since they were small children. I didn't want to leave.

So yes, we all agree that you're completely normal! Perhaps in the light of this affirmation you need to think about how much unnecessary guilt you feel in your everyday life and why you don't feel entitled to things.

I wish you well.

malteserzz Fri 11-Jul-14 13:35:38

I can't relate at all, I was treated for breast cancer last year and hated all of the attention. What I wanted most was just to be me again and not treated as a poorly person. I had 1 night in hospital which I also hated though it was fine and everyone was very kind I just wanted to be at home

Everyone is different though, if you feel that way it's fine for you

ssd Fri 11-Jul-14 13:36:47

I can still remember the night after ds2 was born. I was in a private room. Even though ds was a day old the nurse put him in bed with me and we slept 7 hours together that night. Best bloody nights sleep I'd had in 3 years (his older brother didnt like sleeping...). We both woke up in the same positions we went to sleep in.

dont be ashamed op, perfectly normal to me!

BitchPeas Fri 11-Jul-14 13:40:43

Nothing to be ashamed about.

I was delighted when I had a bad break in my ankle, no work, no night shifts, no driving round the m25 in rush hour, no running around here there and everywhere on my rest days. I slept for about 12 hours everyday for 8 weeks blush

Was lovely.

itiswhatitiswhatitis Fri 11-Jul-14 13:42:23

I've had quite a few spells in hospital over the last few years and I have quite enjoyed all of them! I stayed in for a week following the births of both my children and it was wonderful. I got to lie in bed and enjoy my baby without any thoughts about day to day life, nothing to do except feed and cuddle ds's and sleep.

I think the appeal is when you are in hospital all responsibilities are taken out of your hands, everyone else just has to get on a cope with the day to day. Don't feel guilty.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now