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Not sure I can cope for much longer like this

(39 Posts)
TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 05:32:14

This is going to be a self-pitying whinge, apologies in advance.

DS is almost 2 and does not sleep. Never has. But this last week has been particularly awful and I'm sitting here in tears as I just don't know how I'm going to make it through another day. Sunday night was the last time I slept, I think I got about 4 hours of v broken sleep. Monday night and Tuesday night nothing. Not even 5 minutes.

DH has a job where he can't be tired so he actually left the house at 4am so he could go and sleep at work sad

I know he has reflux, but he's under consultant care for that and on drugs. I know he has teeth coming in, but he's had calpol and bonjela.

So it's 5.30am, we've already taken the dog for a walk, had breakfast and I'm ready to crawl into a hole never to emerge. That or leave him on the doorstep of a hospital.

NormaStanleyFletcher Wed 09-Jul-14 05:34:49

No useful advice from me, but I offer you a hand in sympathy.

If you lived near me I would gladly take him for a few hours so you could sleep.

StrawberryMouse Wed 09-Jul-14 05:40:38

Poor you. I have a bad sleeper and remember the relentlessness of it. There's a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Mine is almost five now and still wakes up very, very early but goes down at 7pm without a murmur and stays there. It will come, I promise. Might be worth going back to gp to explain and see if they can suggest anything?

Does he sleep in the day at all?

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 05:47:29

Good to know there's a chance he'll grow out of it! He has a half hour nap in the day, normally when I'm driving somewhere.

wishingforwillpower Wed 09-Jul-14 05:58:41

OMG you poor thing. Does he not sleep at all? What happens when you put him to bed?

Sounds like dd at that age. She is 4 now and getting better.

Would co sleeping help? Is there any way you can afford nursery or childminder so you can catch up on sleep?

Also, I found nurofen better than calpol for teething and you can alternate every 3 hours.

I get DH needs to not be tired but he either needs to let you sleep by taking his turn, especially if he is not working the next day, or take a few days holiday so you can catch up.

SleepSolution Wed 09-Jul-14 06:07:17

Ok, this morning can you put the tv on/give him a tablet to play with? Then doze on the sofa next to him for a bit. Even if it's not a proper sleep it will help enormously. If you're worried you will really fall asleep, hold onto his leg/let him sit on your hand so you notice if he moves.

Can you look into getting him a place at a nursery so you can sleep?
Can you get a friend with similar age child to come over and supervise a play date so you can sleep?
Can someone come to watch him for you?

Mine was up at 4 this morning... But he is much much better than he was. He started sleeping through when he was about 3.5.

Would he sleep if you were in his room? DS has always slept better if I was in the room/bed with him. Could you e.g. Sleep In with him during the week, your DH the weekends? I know it's not ideal, but it worked for us - I spent most nights in his bed, but then that gradually got less and less as he got older. Now maybe once a week he wakes and needs me there with him. I still have to spend up to an hour lying next to him to get him to go to sleep. Dark room, lullabies on and for us the best is if I am there, arm around him but otherwise ignore him completely (unless he's over tired, then he needs a cuddle) and read on my phone.

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 06:09:23

He drops off, then screams or shouts mummy or moans. Sometimes he's fully awake and sometimes in his sleep. He'll then go quiet for a couple of minutes then the cycle repeats. On good nights the quiet patches can last up to 30 minutes, which means I can get some sleep.

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 06:14:27

X-posted.

We already co-sleep, definitely wouldn't still be alive without it! He does have a place at nursery in the autumn, I might ring them to see if they have any places earlier, that's a good idea.

Nurofen was much better but we can't give it now since the reflux diagnosis sad

SleepSolution Wed 09-Jul-14 06:14:55

Does he just wake you up or do you have to go and calm or comfort him? Is he alone in his room?
Does he have a toy to cuddle?

tiddleypompom Wed 09-Jul-14 06:16:11

Oh crikey that sounds hellish, you poor thing.

I don't have any ideas you won't already have tried (though my first port of call would be to check he's having enough sleep in the day as mine both sleep far worse if they're overtired by bedtime). I think if either of my dc were waking so frequently at night I'd take a mattress into their room & sleep next to them till the phase passed & they could sleep through longer ' patches'.

Meantime, enlist help if you have it or you'll get ill yourself.

flowers

SleepSolution Wed 09-Jul-14 06:17:05

Ah, just seen you already co-sleep. With both you and DH?

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 06:21:32

DH normally starts off in our bed but bails after the first wake up. I can't remember the last time he spent the whole night in our bed.

SleepSolution Wed 09-Jul-14 06:23:37

What time does he/you go to bed? Could you get some sleep in the evening (really not ideal, I know).

Do you think he just wants to know that you are there? If you were to record you reading a story and play it back at a low volume so he can hear your voice, do you think that might help? Or just leave music playing?

Do you take him out for a walk before bed time? Some people I know swear by this, never tried it myself. We always do story, bath, teeth, bed.

Sorry - thinking out loud here. I really hope you find something that works!

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 06:34:11

Recording my voice is a good idea, I might try that. He goes down between 7 and 8, I'm in bed between 9 and 10. I should make the most of that hour (and I will tonight believe me!) but DH isn't normally in from work until 9ish so I wouldn't get to see him during the week.

We're pretty outdoorsy people so he's running around outside in the fresh air most of the day.

3littlefrogs Wed 09-Jul-14 06:41:50

What meds is he on for the reflux? What are the side effects? (These should be listed in the paper insert in the packaging).

Would your GP refer you to a sleep clinic?

PrettyReckless Wed 09-Jul-14 06:45:33

You may have tried this, but have you talked to him about waking and crying?

At nearly 2 he may understand.

Or you could paint a picture of mummy and DS sleeping.

I'm all for convenience and co sleeping. Have you considered moving him to his own bed in your room / his room? Make a big thing about a big boys bed, buy a quilt etc etc. dd was a terrible sleeper until we put her on her own bed (not cot) at 18 months. She just got it. Fiercely independent and wanted her own space. We'd co slept up to that point

It sound torturous and not something I could cope with. Can you get some support from family to give you a couple of hours off?

Rachie1986 Wed 09-Jul-14 06:56:36

No advice but lots of hand holding.. You poor thing xx

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 07:34:11

He was on ranitidine but has changed to omeprazole recently, I shall dig out the leaflet but given they are meant to be helping him feel more comfortable at night to sleep I'll be hacked off if not sleeping is a side effect grin

Interesting thought about the big bed, was your daughter happy to stay there? He falls asleep in his cot in his room but I have to sit on the floor while he drops off, I'm not sure he wouldn't climb out for a cuddle given the chance!

Thanks for all the ideas and support, I am feeling more positive than I was a few hours ago.

SleepSolution Wed 09-Jul-14 07:41:56

Is he too big for the cot? DS slept much better once he went into a big bed, I think he hit the edge of the cot in his sleep and that disturbed him. Plus it is much easier to lie down with them once they are in a big bed! I sit in the bed with him when he goes to bed, so he can't get out and cuddles are there already so he has no excuse to get out!

He has even come to get me in the middle of the night and he has made the bed for me (his pillow next to the wall, then a pillow for me, the duvet straightened out and the corner turned back. Was very cute!) If you have the space, maybe think about getting a slightly larger than standard single.

I was quite strict about returning him to his bed once he was in the big bed. I would go with him, but we had to go to his bed. I think it has made it easier in long run (esp as we moved him when I was pregnant with DC2 - who by the way, is completely different when it comes to sleep. Will only sleep alone in her bed, does not want anyone in the room when she falls asleep and has done from day 1)

Birgitz Wed 09-Jul-14 07:47:24

Offering you lots of sympathy. My DD used to wake every hour until she was 18 months old and it was hell. Sleep deprivation is a hideous thing, especially when you have to try and be all cheerful in the day for your children, whilst simultaneously feel

Birgitz Wed 09-Jul-14 07:51:52

Oops posted too soon!!

Was going to say while simultaneously feeling bitter and twisted that they won't let you sleep at night!

We went to see a cranial osteopath in the end and that seemed to really help. We also put her in her own room and didn't run in straight away when she cried (although didn't leave her for too long).

She is now 3 and sleeps through nearly every night. So fingers crossed that thinks get better soon for you too.

Good luck OP - I really feel for you thanks

atos35 Wed 09-Jul-14 08:08:12

Just a suggestion but there is a charity called home start (homestart.org.uk) who can provide support for families in situations like this when you have no one else around to help out. They can provide a volunteer to come out for a couple if hours while you catch up on some sleep etc. might be worth looking them up and see if they can provide a bit of support for you? I don't have direct experience of them but I've seen other posters mention them on similar threads to this before.

MoonandSixpence Wed 09-Jul-14 09:36:26

Hi TallGiraffe,

So sorry you're going through this. I've been there and it was completely awful sad.

What worked for us and DD - after trying cranial osteopathy, homoeopathy (I was desperate!), controlled crying (torture), being assessed by a sleep clinic, the whole works - was ditching the cot completely.

We put a double mattress on the floor in DD's room - so no danger of her falling off the bed, and enough room for us both to be comfortable - and one of us (occasionally DH, but usually me) would sleep in with her. It just made for a much calmer night, as she was no longer terrified of waking up alone in what to her must have seemed like a wooden cage.

I should add that at this stage we already had two DCs, both of whom had slept well, in their cots. I just think some babies are different, and with hindsight I wish we'd accepted that earlier, instead of trying desperately to get her to conform to the Western society norm of babies sleeping independently.

Sorry if that sounds a bit evangelical! But life got a lot easier for us all once we listened to what she'd been trying - for about three years shock - to tell us.

I should add that we went on and had DC4, so life does go on! He loved his cot, for what it's worth.

And DD is now a very happy, healthy, independent 11 year old.

Hope you find something that works for you and DS.

TallGiraffe Wed 09-Jul-14 14:39:45

Birgitz - that feeling of being cheery while simultaneously bitter that you never get any sleep is spot on.

We've done a few courses of cranial osteopathy, it definitely helps for a short period, but the osteopath is very honest and won't let us keep going if she doesn't think it'll be worth it.

A few suggestions of ditching the cot, think we might try that. His cot converts to a toddler bed so just need to get a screwdriver on the case.

I Have managed a nap this morning so am feeling a lot more human.

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