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Lunch Out Went A Bit Wrong!

(40 Posts)
GoldenGytha Mon 07-Jul-14 17:00:22

Just wanted to have a rant about this, did wonder about AIBU but decided to post in Chat instead.

I met a friend in town for lunch today, we go maybe once every 4-6 weeks, and usually have a pub lunch, as we both like simple food. She was there an hour before the time we'd agreed on, and phoned me to ask where I was as "I'm here now, so where are you Golden?" She always does that, and I always tell her I 'm on my way" as we actually said 12pm, not 11am" So about 10 minutes before I got there I phoned to say I'd be there very soon, and she asked me if she'd just order and I could pay her when I arrived.

So as I knew I wanted Steak Pie, as it's my favourite, I said Yes please, I'll have the Steak Pie and Chips, and a Coke please. I got there about 5 minutes later, and the waiter brought us each a plate of macaroni and cheese, which is a meal I hate, and my friend knows I hate it, it looks line a plate of sick to me. I asked the waiter about it, and he said that's what was ordered, he went to serve someone else, then my friend said "Oh but the macaroni was on the two for a tender, so I though I'd order that for us instead. I said that I wasn't going to eat it and that I 'd order my pie, but she said I still had to pay my fiver for the uneaten macaroni.

I paid up, as this friend has a habit of going on and on about stuff, and she'd still be bringing it up months from mow. I was quite annoyed, as on the occasions that I've ordered for the two of us, I order exactly what my friend has asked for, and wouldn't think of changing it, my friend is in a better financial position than me but I still wouldn't try and save myself a few quid line that!

So not an AIBU, but would anyone else have been annoyed by this?

CombineBananaFister Mon 07-Jul-14 18:42:06

Do you know Smartiepants79 I used to think who behaves like that?, they can't possibly have any friends! but I'm finding more and more it's the absolute self-absorbed fuckers who everyone is nice to/fawning to please.

In contrast, it's the kind, polite but meeker types who get run roughshod over.

Slightly off topic OP but in a similar vein, my mum has low self esteem/mental health issues and my brother and dad talk to her like shit - it's disgraceful sad. Just recently my 8yr old niece has started to be equally dismissive/bossy with her and think it's because she feels/acts like she's worthless so others treat her like she is.

Please surround yourself with nicer people who value you.

CombineBananaFister Mon 07-Jul-14 18:29:56

She sounds like a chore you have to do not a friendship, does not sound equal at all. If you have other friends I'd stick to the ones who don't make you feel worthless and anxious.

I sort of understand why you paid to avoid the confrontation but she was blatantly in the wrong, not even a misunderstanding or apologetic sad.

(I try and avoid confrontation but really would have been raging in this instance because it involves my food and because I really like my food.)

Smartiepants79 Mon 07-Jul-14 18:28:42

This is another one of those threads that astonish me.
Who behaves like this? And still has any friends?
You asked for one thing, she then deliberately ordered you something else. Something you don't like and didn't ask for. She then expected you to pay for this even tho you didn't eat it.
Sooooooo rude!
why would you do this?
Don't ever let her order for you again.

Iownafourinchporsche Mon 07-Jul-14 18:23:24

I probably wouldn't contact her for a long time and when you finally did have contact, only meet for a drink.

murmuration Mon 07-Jul-14 18:22:38

This sounds bizarre. This is a friend? What do you get out of these once-monthly meetings? Anything at all?

FruVikingessOla Mon 07-Jul-14 18:16:49

I don't get why she turned up at 11am - or expected you to be there at 11am, for lunch? Did she neck a couple of glasses of wine or a large vodka before you arrived?

Even if I was running late (which you clearly weren't), I would trust my friends to order something which I'd actually asked for.

AvonCallingBarksdale Mon 07-Jul-14 18:09:35

This has actually made me feel quite angry for you, OP. I think she is playing on the fact that it's difficult for you, which isn't the mark of a true friend. I can't see what you're getting out of this tbh and would think really carefully about ditching her.

LittleMisslikestobebythesea Mon 07-Jul-14 17:55:53

I can understand why you paid, I would have done the same as I have anxiety and hate confrontation.

She really doesn't sound like a friend at all and sounds quite manipulative.

I would phase her out, I know it's not easy but I would seriously question what you are getting from the friendship.

TheReluctantCountess Mon 07-Jul-14 17:47:58

She sounds like someone to not bother with again.

GoldenGytha Mon 07-Jul-14 17:45:31

That sounds like good philosophy to me JustSpeak

This friend certainly doesn't fit that description!

NickiFury Mon 07-Jul-14 17:41:18

I wouldn't have paid and would have had a stand up row about it if necessary but that's just me wink.

She doesn't sound like much of a mate tbh.

JustSpeakSense Mon 07-Jul-14 17:40:36

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.”

GoldenGytha Mon 07-Jul-14 17:35:32

I would have had no problem if she'd waited for me and asked *Laquitar" , that's perfectly reasonable, but like you, I'd never just order it anyway!

HaroldLloyd Mon 07-Jul-14 17:31:34

Don't bother meeting her again if it leaves you feeling like this, seeing friends should be a pleasure not a chore. And she should no way have accepted the money from you for that lunch!

Laquitar Mon 07-Jul-14 17:31:18

She sounds one of those people who want to lead, to take the decisions and to control (she even 'forces' you to go earlier).

Maybe thats why the relationship works, because you are the opposite. People like her usually choose friends like you. It is great for her but not good for you so if i was you i would keep a distance.

Re the macaroni if i was her and i thought that it is a good bargain i would wait for you and ask you.
I wouldn't dream of deciding what you are going to eat.

AdoraBell Mon 07-Jul-14 17:26:45

Did you have lunch with my SIL? Sounds the kind of thing she'd do but because she doesn't want anyone to eat meathmm

YANBU, btw, and I'd decline any future invites from her if it was my not much of a friend.

GoldenGytha Mon 07-Jul-14 17:23:21

Think she's more of a habit I can't break, as we've been friends for so long, but you're all right, I'm getting nothing out of the "friendship" and she just adds to my feelings of worthlessness and anxiety,

I always come away feeling drained, and glad to be getting away from her.

That's not how a friendship should be, is it?

I don't have many friends, only one or two, but there is another woman, who is a great support to me, and us the total opposite to this one.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Mon 07-Jul-14 17:19:55

What an amazing friend, I bet you'd been looking forward to that lunch all week - not.

How about next time she asks you to lunch, laugh out loud and say 'No thanks. Last time really hacked me off, you know, you not even respecting me enough to not change my food order, then effectively getting me to pay for half your food. I'll pass, thanks.'

PiratesLifeForMe Mon 07-Jul-14 17:18:45

Oh Golden, she sounds awful! Do you have other friends you could meet for lunch with & maybe distance yourself a bit from her?

She might be a bit nicer and treat you better if she realises you don't have to put up with her being that way?

Lilaclily Mon 07-Jul-14 17:18:10

No, she's generally not a good friend, I could bore you for hours with tales, it's always the same, we've known each other for nearly 40 years, and everything always has to be about her, I know every last little detail about her life, but she knows absolutely nothing about mine

Absolutely baffled why you carry on the friendship???? If you can even call it that hmm

JustSpeakSense Mon 07-Jul-14 17:17:53

I think I would've also quietly paid up, as I'm not very assertive blush but she sounds quite controlling and like hard work, perhaps you should rethink your friendship - or be very careful in the future when arranging to see her that she doesn't bulldoze you into getting her way, leaving you flustered and ....out of pocket!

Lilaclily Mon 07-Jul-14 17:16:18

Why do you keep meeting her then ? Do you have other friends ?

MrsKoala Mon 07-Jul-14 17:16:11

Don't go again OP. It sounds painful.

susiedaisy Mon 07-Jul-14 17:15:50

Phase her out op. It will be no loss for you.

GoldenGytha Mon 07-Jul-14 17:13:43

No, she's generally not a good friend, I could bore you for hours with tales, it's always the same, we've known each other for nearly 40 years, and everything always has to be about her, I know every last little detail about her life, but she knows absolutely nothing about mine.

She remembers the names of my DC, but that's about it!

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