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What have we done!

(91 Posts)
LuluJakey1 Sat 28-Jun-14 21:21:37

I am 13 weeks pregnant. DH and I have been married 4 years. We are 35. Are really looking forward to being parents. We are both teachers so not like we don't understand children- but older ones

But I am shocked after a day with a 15 month old. We have looked after a friend's little boy today so DH's friend could take his wife out for a birthday treat. We are shell-shocked. He never stopped once from 11-4 pm. We are exhausted and have had to have a lie down when he went home.
Turns out we are rubbish at:

Being firm
Feeding routines
Changing nappies
Entertaining children
Talking to them

We have not got a clue! We have no stamina at all. He ran everywhere, shrieked, pulled the cats' tails, almost ran into the sea when we took him for a walk, peed in the air onto DH, would not eat his lunch and we gave him chips and bread and butter instead.
Just shook his head, smiled cutely and said NO to anything he did not want to do.
And he wanted to play all the time but needed someone to play with him. DH has kicked a football along the beach, chased him along the beach because he kept charging off, been a tiger roaring and giving rides, had his ears pulled, and his goolies jumped on.

Little boy was very cute when he wanted a cuddle and he was very funny but we are totally exhausted. And the noise! OMG the noise!

What have we done? How will we cope? smile

PinkSquash Sat 28-Jun-14 21:23:44

It is so different when it's yours, like every thing it is trial and error. Toddlers can be utterly horrific though. Sorry grin

Icelollycraving Sat 28-Jun-14 21:23:45

Welcome to my world! Ds is almost 3 & I'm knackered most of the time. Get your sleep in now.

CecyHall Sat 28-Jun-14 21:25:54

When it's your own you build up gradually, when I've babysat for others I've thought wtf but have managed to keep 2 boys of my own alright, don't worry! (But it is tiring, I'm not going to sugar the pill too much!)

littlewhitebag Sat 28-Jun-14 21:28:47

Ah you will be fine. You build up gradually from tiny baby to toddler. Then you get teens and twenties and it is magnificent. Enjoy your child. You reap what you sow.

Hassled Sat 28-Jun-14 21:29:05

But you won't be giving birth to a 15 month old - you'll be building up gradually. And your own child is fine - it's other people's children that are the problem wink.

It's like baby poos - when they're newborn the poo is yellow liquid that's absolutely fine to cope with. Not pooey at all. By the time you're dealing with giant stinking turds you're so immune to poo that you won't bat an eyelid.

glowstick Sat 28-Jun-14 21:29:53

That is why you give birth to unwalking babies! Seriously though, you build up your stamina in those 15 months. Your own child is endearing - others are tolerable....

Elliekins Sat 28-Jun-14 21:30:27

I'm a nanny, I have 15 years experience and I know exactly what I'm letting myself in for but now I'm 21 weeks pregnant and the fear is setting!
Don't worry, it will be worth it!
You will be able to be firm and set boundaries with your own about things that matter to you.
You won't feel the need to tread quite so carefully out of fear of upsetting them by saying no sometimes.
You'll make them eat 'yucky vegetables' and healthy food because it's good for them and that's more important than anything, you'll have much more confidence as you'll grow together.
However, you will still be exhausted.

MrsWinnibago Sat 28-Jun-14 21:33:27

Sheesh....he sounds like a toughie! I have to say that SOME kids are like that and some aren't. I have one of each...I don't mean a girl and a boy...I have a quiet one who entertains herself and a mad one who talks all the time and ropes you into odd games. She also says no a lot. It's knackering and I sometimes feel like a shell of myself. But hey ho! When they smile at you it's worth it. sort of

KillmeNow Sat 28-Jun-14 21:34:57

Well thankfully it has been arranged that no baby is born at 15 months .

So you have time to build up your play resources ,get some sleep and buy some ear plugs. None of which will be any good whatsoever but it makes you feel like you are doing something.

Just think in 20 months time that will be your baby running around. Save this thread in a letter to your future selves . If you put in a date 15 months after your expected date you will get a nice surprise email -if you ever get time to read itgrin

tiredteddy Sat 28-Jun-14 21:35:33

The magic of babies is that they change slowly with you hardly noticing. From your baby being born to 15 months and beyond will become your own normal. They will grow and change slowly and you'll just manage. Luckily we don't give birth to walking talking toddlers! wink

LuluJakey1 Sat 28-Jun-14 21:43:31

I asked his mum what life is like with a toddler and she said exhausting. She said she and his dad get hardly any time together and when they do they are exhausted. She said the little boy is not a good sleeper so they don't sleep well. They have nights out because their families live close by.

DH's parents and sister live in Yorkshire-130 miles from us. My parents are both dead and I am an only child. We are wondering how we will manage without the support.

I am not very worried because we are both resilient and DH will be a fantastic dad- he does his share of everything in the house. And we are pretty laid back and easy going.

I think it just struck me how much our lovely life as a couple is going to change.

Xcountry Sat 28-Jun-14 21:43:59

It will be different when its your own. And when you get to the 15 month stage you will have learned new tricks of your own selective hearing/deafness to name but one so just relax and enjoy the calm before the storm. You're in for a hell of a ride but you will never regret it.

LuluJakey1 Sat 28-Jun-14 21:44:49

That's a great idea killmenow We will do that. I really like it.

longtallsally2 Sat 28-Jun-14 21:50:00

11 - 4? So just a short shift then this time? smile You have aaaages yet to warm up to the 12 hours on full throttle wink

Another secondary teacher here. Totally sympathise, but agree with the others, you will cope. And because you have had a little warning, you won't fall into the trap of thinking it's all fluffiness and cuddles and bedtime stories - they don't come until you have earned them! I had a particularly energetic Godson, and was very glad that I had chance to brace myself.

Tis all worth it though smile

LuluJakey1 Sat 28-Jun-14 21:53:12

As we were lying on the bed exhausted, enjoying the quiet and peace when he had gone, DH said 'Well it's too late now to change our mind and get a jack russell puppy'. We just started to laugh and decided our won't be like that.
We are going to have one that is well- behaved at all times, sleeps soundly through the night, and can be trained to do housework instead of playing
we are living in la-la land

Fairylea Sat 28-Jun-14 21:55:53

I had to smile when I read your post smile - sorry.

Yes toddlers are all consuming and absolutely exhausting. You don't get a break from the minute they get up till when they sleep and when you have children even then you don't stop worrying about them! Your life changes upside down overnight.

But - when it's your own child it's wonderful. You see them develop as their own little people and get to enjoy reliving all the good bits of your own childhood. It's very different looking after someone else's child for a short period than it is your own.

Just be prepared for sleep deprivation in a way you never imagined and be kind to each other during the first couple of years. It is bloody hard work. The hardest there is. But so rewarding too.

littlewhitebag Sat 28-Jun-14 21:57:51

It will be fine because you want a child and it sounds like you love each other. It isn't the easiest thing in the world to raise a child but it is so wonderful and worthwhile. Our eldest was real handful but at the age of 21 she has just graduated from uni with first class honours. Nothing can take that feeling of achievement away from you as a parent. Just roll with it and take each day as it comes. Find something wonderful in each moment. You will do fine.

bearwithspecs Sat 28-Jun-14 21:58:07

We have a 4.5 year old and a 2.5 year old who do not sit still from. 6am til 8 or 9pm. We get about an hour of free time to ourselves while cleaning up and doing chores. I often wonder how we filled our time before (lots of sport, sleep and going out!). We have tons of great family time with the kids but no help ... You just adapt as 2 become a unit of 3 or 4 ....

MrsKoala Sat 28-Jun-14 22:01:16

It's horrific. Last night i went out to see a band and my mum kindly babysat. When i got home tired at 10.30 DS was running up and down and mum was a shell of a woman. He was jolly and happy but had no sleep in him till he fell asleep at almost 1am. He then was awake at 3am then up for the day at 7am. He never ever stops running, or shouting. He only naps an hour a day. He has started to demand 'Mummy dance' and poke me till i dance for him. Strangely it sounds like ' Monkey dance' or is that just the way it feels?

We are expecting our second soon and we constantly ask ourselves, 'what the fuck have we done ?'.

EatingMyWords Sat 28-Jun-14 22:01:53

What Fairy says!

If it's any help we were 40 when we had our son. He's been pretty well behaved but his sleep was rubbish for 2 years and he woke early in the morning for a while after and I am not a morning person grin But you do have time to adjust (after the first newborn shock!) and it is definitely different when it's your own child.

BackforGood Sat 28-Jun-14 22:08:06


Have to agree with everyone else - it's definitely different when it's your own.
It even works the other way - I'm exhausted now if ever I help friends out with their little ones for a few hours, but used to do it with my 3 all day every day, week after week during the school holidays. It's very different with someone else's child though.

You'll be fine

although exhausted

olivespickledonions Sat 28-Jun-14 22:10:45

You'll be absolutely fine when it's your own. Looking after anyone else's child is so much harder and more annoying! I don't even like other kids round for - 2 hour - play dates!
When it's your own, gorgeous baby you will hopefully find it completely different.

BalloonSlayer Sat 28-Jun-14 22:16:25

Well if YOUR 15 month old refuses to eat anything but chips and bread and butter, YOU will know what else he/she likes and will not be taken in.

YOU will not have a set of parents to be accountable to because YOU will be the parents.

Your DCs activity will have increased slowly over the preceding 15 months - it will not be a shock.


You will love your DC more than anything EVER and only the top-end of the behaviour today committed by your child will annoy you. And that only about 2% The rest you will find cute and post on Facebook.

LuluJakey1 Sat 28-Jun-14 22:19:11

mrskoala Oh God! That is exactly what I am scared of.

I will be an exhausted shell, with sick covered clothes and DH will have black shadows under his eyes from work and baby. I will speak to him in baby talk because I won't see anyone else all day except the baby. We'll have no time together, never go out, get fat infront of the TV and not talk and we'll never have sex or laugh again.

We talk all the time and enjoy our life, have lots of lovely sex and great holidays and we are really happy.

Oh fuck!

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