Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

What do stay at home dads do all day?

(21 Posts)
fledermaus Sat 28-Jun-14 14:18:05

DP is going to be a SAHD soon, to one baby and one in primary school.

I know what I did as a SAHM to one baby - rhymetime at the library, baby group at the Children's Centre x2, trip to the park, softplay occasionally when a bit older, swimming sometimes, coffee/"playdates" with other mums I met at groups.

I cannot imagine DP doing any of those things confused Except maybe the park.

So, if you are a SAHD or have one at home, what do you do all day with a baby?

broomseed Sat 28-Jun-14 14:20:17

We've met plenty of dads at these things, they're often the most enthusiastic joiners-in too. They do the same, and wide ranging, things that sahms do I would guess.

LairyPoppins Sat 28-Jun-14 14:20:29

DH used to take the DTs on lots of walks, first in the buggy, later on foot and then scooters.

CauldronOfFrogsLegs Sat 28-Jun-14 14:20:37

Exactly the same as sahm?

Why can't do do the above? I often saw sadhu out and about at groups when my kids were that age.

fledermaus Sat 28-Jun-14 14:24:38

Why not the same? Firstly, he won't sing - so any group singing is out. Secondly, he's not massively sociable and doesn't enjoy making new friends (I do) so can't see him confidently turning up at a group full of women and making small talk.

I haven't seen any dads at local groups I have been to.

I guess he will do some solitary things, like walks in the park and going to the library. I have a feeling he might be imagining SAHPing will be an opportunity to read books/watch movies/write his novel hmm

BellaCB Sat 28-Jun-14 14:30:38

DP is at home with DD a lot but he doesn't do groups. I rarely saw any men when I went, to be honest.

They do go on lots of walks, take their time wandering around the shops and market, and he gets her to help with the cooking and gardening, things like that.

puggle01 Sat 28-Jun-14 14:31:13

Fledermaus is your DH my DH's long lost twin? Only 1 sprog but I'm trying to prepare him that he will need to leave the house, and that our wee one might like to meet some other babies occasionally

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 28-Jun-14 14:34:51

He doesn't sound ideally suited to being a SAHD tbh.

The SAHD I know do similar to the SAHM. Playgroup, singing, library, park, trips out, playing at home, playdates etc. that's what little children need to do I think.

First of all, it's going to be different than when you did it with one baby. Will one baby you can suit you and the baby and have quite a lot of freedom. With a school child, he's going to be clock watching all day. I've been at home with 3DCs and at the stage you're at, my day was like this:do school drop off, return home for maybe toast/first or second breakfast depending on how the early morning went! Load washing machine. Hang up wash. Go to one event in am for baby, an activity type group may suit them better ( all mine did a kindergym type thing). Home for lunch. Maybe baby naps? Time for milk (again!) make sure there are ingredients for basic children's tea. Return to school for pick up. Then it will be after school chaos until bedtime. This is tea time for children, reading book if eldest has one, bit of play time and bath time. Honestly, he'll find the day almost takes care of itself, never mind fitting in basic picking up debris and running a simple errand or two!!

I have to say, I've been SAHM for two different periods of time and have loved, and been very competent at it. My DH has left me to it and appreciated that I have taken care of all the children's needs in the week, leaving him free from domestic distraction so that he could work. I love him very much, but I wouldn't have appreciated "suggestions" and neither would he make them!! I would try and fit in any little errands that are more easily done in the day, where possible, but looking after the children is the main priority.

Let your DH find his own way...

EatShitDerek Sat 28-Jun-14 14:38:23

My stepdad is a SAHD and he doesn't do playgroups.

He just takes them for walks, shopping, potters about the house.

Out of all the mums I know only one goes to a playgroup.

Smartiepants79 Sat 28-Jun-14 14:38:40

The only stay at home dad I know does exactly the same kind of things I would do.
Toddler groups. Comes to and hosts our weekly NCT group get togethers.
Park, library etc..
Maybe not singing but most other stuff!
If he doesn't sing then he needs start researching alternatives. He will soon find the days are extremely looong if you don't go anywhere.

chanie44 Sat 28-Jun-14 14:39:40

OH works part time and is at home with the children two days a week. He is an excellent Dad, but he won't do playgroups - but then there are mums who don't like them either!!!

He will take them to the park as sometimes to his sisters. Or he will play with them at home - building dens or playing in the garden.

BellaCB that sounds like a good day for young children. They don't actually need the company of other children until they're a bit older. A lot of these events are run for the benefit of the adults. I have always taken my stay at home child out for a simple lunch one day of the week. A break and change of scene and a good place to practise social skills.

Smartiepants79 Sat 28-Jun-14 14:40:59

Agree with perspective you can give suggestions but if you are trusting him to be a SAhD you will just have to let him find what works for him.

fledermaus Sat 28-Jun-14 14:43:47

puggle - yes, I don't think the idea that the baby might want to see new places/do new things has occurred to him grin

Perspective - domestic chores is going to be a whole other discussion...

micah Sat 28-Jun-14 14:51:14

I'm a SAHM and don't do the joining thing.

Like others have said, to the park, out on walks, shopping. My DD2 still loves a walk to a cafe, babyccino's, and a look round M+S. Close second is the supermarket.

Then I also signed up to activities- swim lessons, baby dance, baby gymnastics. Usually meant older one got to go off and do something a little independent, and I got a sit down and the baby got to crawl about a bit. This continued to after school too.

If one is at school it's a lot easier. By the time you've got back from the school run, had a walk to the park/cafe/supermarket/library, had dinner, nap, picked older up from school, gone to swim class, come back, it's time for tea bath and bed.

I always found something to potter about doing. Never had time for housework!

Gosh no, never did huge amount of chores, just stuff that you can do in short bursts around keeping baby amused. To give an idea, I did all laundry, but no ironing (thankfully DH has a creative profession with relaxed dress code!), swept floors (millions of times a day when baby is eating age), wash up, quick flick around with Mr Pledge wipes but no hoovering, all mine have hated the noise (v handy). At the w/e one of us would amuse children and the other would have a quick run around with the hoover.

melissa83 Sat 28-Jun-14 15:10:54

Dh does all cleaning, daily hooveting etc, takes all the children out with his friends and their children, school run, arts type stuff and library groups

fussychica Sat 28-Jun-14 15:46:33

DP was a SAHD 20 years ago when they were as rare as hen's teeth. He's a fairly quiet and shy guy but he knew he had to give our son the best experience he could so he did all the same stuff as SAHMs do and was welcomed into the odd groups he joined - most liked the novelty, I think. He used to help out at playgroup, go swimming, walking, playing, reading to DS etc. He used to do most of the housework and cook several times a week. He was, and still is, a brilliant dad. The biggest problem was probably my slight resentment at him having the lions share of the child rearing experience.

fledermaus Sat 28-Jun-14 15:57:42

I think I am just a bit worried about the baby being sat in front of Cbeebies all day. I might suggest a morning or two at nursery or with a childminder so DP can do a bit of freelance work too.

Dilligufdarling Sat 28-Jun-14 16:07:43

my DH was a sahd for 18 months, and will be again in a few months time.
He went to the baby groups - baby sensory, playgroups etc, eventually he was accepted by a few of the mums, but he felt that a lot people viewed him as an invader/outsider and probably a weirdo!
He did find it very difficult until he met some more open minded people - who we are still good friends with now. So please warn your DH that he may need to persevere to be accepted.
It definitely helps to have some structure to the day and to be very organised. My DH developed his very own OFRS (he still calls it that - thanks MN!) which had all essentials in it.
Apparently 1 in 10 ish sah parents is a man now, but I can't see that around here at all.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now