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My husband has a new job

(38 Posts)

My H left me on NYE for OW. He's now in love with her, playing happy families with my children etc.
I was telling him for months and months and months to apply for a better, specific job and he just wouldn't. Didn't want to work there, too lazy to apply etc.
A friend of mine saw him there the other week at a job interview and he's just told me that he's got the job. sad I feel so worthless. I obviously wasn't worth supporting, it wasn't worth trying to get us out of this shitty life we had but she obviously is. I feel really crappy about it.

How can I cheer myself up?! I'm also pretty damn annoyed that he's told me that he mightn't be having the children over night this weekend too, so I mightn't even get that precious little time I get to myself without the children. I need this time to give the house a good tidy and clean and give myself a little "me" time!
I feel crappy sad

Please, anybody? sad Still feeling really crap!

You are worth so much more than that piece if shit OP flowers.

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 12:33:20

Hi Everything. Anyone would feel exactly the same as you do, but you are not worthless.

Any positives to focus on?

Higheredserf Sat 28-Jun-14 12:37:41

Your response though upsetting is normal after being treated so very badly, your ex is a total shit.

Can you arrange at least one thing however small to look forward to.

We are going to alton towers on Monday. I have told DD we are going on a trip and that's all she knows. I am so excited about it! I asked him to bring them home before 7pm on Sunday (last time he had them it was 8.45pm before they were home, meant to be in bed by 7.30pm to get up for nursery on Monday) and he said that they'll probably be home tonight. So I've bought myself a single pizza to enjoy to alone this evening, chocolate and alcoholic slushy and now it looks as though I'll have to do the bedtime routine!

The house gets progressively worse throughout the week then I do a big clean on Saturday / Sunday when the children are with him and now I'm not going to be able to finish it all because they'll be home! It's never horrendous but I do have a lot to do this weekend!

It isn't the first time he's decided he can't have them overnight. It just seems so unfair that he can basically pick and choose when he parents.

I know it sounds so petty but I don't want him to be better off with her than he was with me. I want him leaving to be the worst mistake he ever makes and he ends up destitute while I make a good life for me and the kids. I know it's stupid but it's just how I feel sad

YourBrotherInLaw Sat 28-Jun-14 12:49:19

Everything how you feel is expected to be honest. Things are still fresh and you are still hurting. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you.
It's hard to see him, I don't want him home but I still love him.
I hate the stigma of being a single mum, I just want to explain to everybody "it wasn't my fault! He left me, I didn't want him to go!" I hate how easy it was for him to leave, I hate how easy it was for her to jump into my bed. I hate how betrayed I feel.

MuttonCadet Sat 28-Jun-14 13:10:54

That's really shitty, but don't worry about your house. The kids won't care.

Alton towers will be brilliant on Monday, have a wonderful time with your kids. thanks

Thank you, have calmed down now. I only occasionally have these wobbles!
I've just sighed a happy sigh because I have just flicked through my sky planner and I have new bones, TBBT, he's just not that into you and the hunger games recorded, so even if I have the children this evening I will have something good to watch!

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 13:30:52

Have you got a lot of support in RL ED? What do his parents make of all this?

naturalbaby Sat 28-Jun-14 13:35:12

How can he leave it to the last minute to let you know where your kids will be spending the night? It's not very fair on them either - why can't he make plans and stick to them?
I'm very jealous about Alton Towers! You'll have such a fab time on Monday.

Trooperslane Sat 28-Jun-14 13:37:31

I know you love him but he's a shit of the highest order.

He shouldn't get to pick and choose when he has the kids - totally disrespectful to them and you.

On a more positive note, won't he have to pay more maintenance if he's better paid?

Trooperslane Sat 28-Jun-14 13:38:07

(Ps I know money's the last thing on your mind, just searching for some positives, op)

My mum and her husband are very supportive. I lost my dad aged 14 so I have abandonment issues that stem from this so I think I have taken my husband leaving pretty hard.

I don't know why he has left it so late. He didn't even text me this time to let me know he was coming to pick them up. I know it's arranged contact but I literally had nothing from the day he dropped them off two weeks ago to today.

I don't really know what his parents think. They were annoyed at him but haven't said anything to him. I thought they might have been the voice of reason when he introduced the children to OW after 3.5 months but no. I don't know how they feel now, I haven't seen them since the end of May.

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 17:12:14

You probably haven't seen them because they are ashamed of how their son behaved. sad Do they see the GC at all?

Yes, he stays there every other weekend with the kids, he doesn't have anywhere to live yet which is probably why I'm still getting post from his work, the DVLA and his phone bill
They're coming home this evening, I don't even get my one night to myself again!! The one morning I don't get jumped on and my tv switched on to wake me up! I've got two hours to finish my jobs and eat and chill sad

Sparklingbrook Sat 28-Jun-14 17:25:46

sad Bit much for you to still be getting his post. Good that they get to see their GPs though.

I have written some less than complimentary things please redirect up his arsehole on them and reposted. Petty and silly but it makes me feel better.

Imbroglio Sat 28-Jun-14 18:16:59

Its shitty but at least if he has a better job he'll be able to provide more financial support.

Regarding the changed plans - don't let that get to be habit. Next time tell him you prefer not to change the arrangement. You don't have to justify that.

If he's texted to say he's bringing them back tonight I would've been tempted to say "actually, you can't, I'm not there and won't be back until lunchtime tomorrow!"

They'll be back in 10 mins or so sad haven't even watched an entire film!! His parents live over 45 mins away so he'll be driving now.

WilliamShatner Sat 28-Jun-14 19:43:56

Different people bring out different things in each other.

My ex (children's father) was a wannabe rock star. I supported him financially and emotionally so he could follow his dream.

He cheated on me with a girl he auditioned as a backing singer.

He was a talented artist as well as a musician and occasionally took on jobs painting murals and back drops, sign writing etc.

The money he earned all went on drugs.

When we split he got together with this other woman and it was a matter of weeks before she was pregnant.

Unlike me who was more supportive and caring, she put a rocket up his arse and told him she wouldn't tolerate his laziness and he had to get off his backside and find a proper job.

So you see op, it isn't a reflection on you, it's just that with different people they act differently. Sometimes it's because they realised they stuffed up the first time round and they don't want to make the same mistakes again.

Him getting that job is a good thing if hopefully he pays your children maintenance.

TheCatsBollocks Sat 28-Jun-14 20:00:29

What a twat he is. I know it's hard for you and I would never undermine how you're feeling but one day you'll be glad you're rid of such a man.

I know, I have people telling me this in RL too! I know he's a twat, his own sister has turned around to me and called him a bellend for what he's done and she wasn't the first to do so either
He said that he couldn't have the kids because of sleeping arrangements (which haven't been a problem so far!) so I told him he could have the children tomorrow too, if he wants to pick them up in the morning. But apparently he's busy hmm how bloody convenient. He now wants them at some point in the week.

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