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I shouldn't have had another baby, i'm a rubbish mum

(17 Posts)
buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 14:35:36

I've struggled to cope sometimes since dc3 came along six weeks ago.

She is my last and I'm sad it's been stressful for various reasons. I've been anaemic following a post partum haemorrhage and now I'm fighting off a breast abscess. Still breastfeeding. Dh was in hospital with illness too.

There's been a whole host of end of term commitments through school and nursery for older two.

I lost it yesterday, yelled at the baby and put her roughly in her bouncy chair (she's not been easy either). Dh came home to me in a right state sad

How can I get back on track? I just want to enjoy my family again and my gorgeous new baby. I'm racked with guilt and feel like a crap mum.

Sounds like you are having a really tough time. I'm not a parent and don't have any practical advice, hopefully someone else can offer some. But I hope you are looking after yourself and being looked after too. I certainly don't think you sound a crap mum. thanks brew

Berryglitter Fri 27-Jun-14 14:50:23

Buffy you are not a crap mum. You have had a rough time and are trying to cope with it. Home start are a brilliant charity that may be able to offer you some support, I used them when I had terrible pnd.

SquidgyMaltLoaf Fri 27-Jun-14 14:55:31

Goodness, anyone would be struggling with that all happening!

Firstly, if you were a crap mum then you wouldn't care - so get that out of your head. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to? Family / friend / HV / midwife? How is your DH now?

buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 15:02:03

Actually PIL have the older two so I'm spending day in bed with baby. Just feeding and snoozing. I know it's doing me good but I feel guilty asking for help and moaning to ILs/dh. I beat myself up needlessly.

scotchtikidoll Fri 27-Jun-14 15:03:47

You can't be a crap mum- you came here for help! If you were a crap mum that didn't give a shit then you wouldn't have bothered.

Have you got a good support network in the form of family and friends? It sounds cliched but a lot of mums, me included, sometimes struggle to ask for help for fear of putting others out or looking like you are incapable. IMO family love helping out, especially grand-parents.

Obviously you can't get others to drop their whole lives to help out on the daily, however even if someone came round every so often so that they could watch the kids whilst you had time to do the dishes, batch-cook to make meals for the rest of the week much easier... and NOT FORGETTING that all important down-time!

I really feel the key to being the best mum you can be is having that time to recharge the batteries, and an opportunity to miss your kids. It can be quite isolating, living in a bubble with the children.

Obviously, if you feel as though you are on the brink of losing your temper you need to find ways to manage your emotions better, rather than losing control. If your little girl is causing you some stress howeevr, put her somewhere safe and go and scream into a pillow and stamp your feet in the bedroom. Take deep breaths afterwards and you are good, you are calmer. If you need to do this frequently, it is definitely worth seeing someone about it.

buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 15:07:28

Thanks scotch. Don't often lose my temper like that. Gave myself and baby a fright but I have to move on and get positive again

scotchtikidoll Fri 27-Jun-14 15:10:16

Honestly, grandparents love spending time with their grandkids- so don't feel guilty! If you emphasise how much help it has been for you to have some breathing space, then they might offer to help out more

scotchtikidoll Fri 27-Jun-14 15:13:02

Everyone has moments they are not proud of regarding temper. You are not the only one. I have been known to yell 'I NEVER GET 5 MINUTES EFFING PEACE TO JUST EAT A BLOODY YOGHURT' and then apologise to an incredulous baby haha.

buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 15:18:37

smile

These babies just don't understand

flappityfanjos Fri 27-Jun-14 15:33:23

You're NOT rubbish. You're exhausted. The demands on you at the moment are shattering and you're unwell on top of it.

Asking for help is what makes you a great mum - all the kids need care, their needs are (genuinely!) too much for one person to handle without a break, so sometimes you spread the work around. To make sure it gets done. Because you're a good parent who cares.

buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 16:53:17

Just had a long nap with the baby. Feel much better already. Some rest and space.

Will treat myself to glass of wine and chocolate tonight.

scotchtikidoll Fri 27-Jun-14 17:02:49

Well deserved, it sounds. I'm glad you're feeling better- if you ever need to vent or want advice there will always be people on hand here going through similar x

Diryan Fri 27-Jun-14 19:24:49

I just swore at my baby, so you're not alone in losing it occasionally. This thread shows we're not alone!

Frusso Fri 27-Jun-14 19:52:01

2 to 3 is a harder jump than 1 to 2. You're tired, run down because of the anemia and assess, and feeding. Make sure you're drinking enough water.
Remember, if it was your first you'd only just be venturing out, but as it is you have had to get on with it, and do school and nursery runs. Get dh to do more, take dcs out without you for an hour.
Sod everything other than the necessary house work.
3 weeks until the summer hols, they'll be hard to start with, but by September you'll be a dab hand at it.

ItHasANiceRingWhenYouLaugh Fri 27-Jun-14 19:55:54

A friend of mine had anaemia and when she was better she looked back and realised how bad she was with it. It drains you so so much. She was emotional, volatile, easily lost her temper, and so on. You'll get better as your iron improves.

But also, 3 is hard! Babies are hard!

buffythebarbieslayer Fri 27-Jun-14 20:01:27

Thanks everyone

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