Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

Have you ever spoken at someones funeral?

(41 Posts)

If so then how did you manage on the actual day? Did you have a back up plan in case you weren't able to do it?

CrockedPot Tue 24-Jun-14 06:56:12

I spoke at my grandad's funeral a few years ago. It was difficult, but he was old and had been ill, and it very much felt I wanted to do this for him, so somehow got through it. I did it without crying, and I think it was just knowing I had to do it that kept me steady, IYSWIM. I think it would be ver difficult at a younger persons funeral.
It's not a nice thing to have to so, but it is a real honour, and I felt so proud I had been able to do a final last thing for my grandad.

KatieKaye Tue 24-Jun-14 07:01:38

Yes, I gave the eulogy at my Dads funeral.
It was very important for me, the last thing I could do for him.
TBH I treated it like a big presentation and used all the techniques. My speech was written out and it was in my own words, so it sounded natural. It remains the only funeral I haven't cried at, although I did have to ditch the last paragraph. I got to "So goodbye, my darling Daddy..." And my voice started to break, so I ended it there.

I found it very healing.

Bananasandchocolatecustard Tue 24-Jun-14 07:04:55

At my Dads. Another family member was going too, they froze and I took over. It felt surreal.

januarysnowdrop Tue 24-Jun-14 07:06:11

I kept the personal bit about my own feelings about my Granny until the very end as I knew that would make my voice wobble. I also tried to put lots of funny bits into the main body of my eulogy to lift the mood.

Fragglewump Tue 24-Jun-14 07:11:03

I did a bible reading at my sister in laws funeral . Her husband asked me to.

littlewhitebag Tue 24-Jun-14 07:13:59

I spoke at my grans funeral. Talking about her made me feel warm and happy, not sad at all. She was a wonderful person and lived a full life. It was easy to talk about her. I had no back up plan but it was fine.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Tue 24-Jun-14 07:14:52

I did at my Grandmother's funeral. It was a joint speech with my sister which made it easier.

RatherBeOnThePiste Tue 24-Jun-14 07:20:45

Yes, my mum. Was determined to otherwise it would have been done by the priest who didn't actually know her. No back up plan, but my brother would have stepped in. It was surreal as someone else said. As I finished I sat down and wept but got through it with the desire to do her proud. I do remember gripping the lectern thing as I felt very wobbly and that helped. Remember too not looking at folk listening but looked up to windows and although it had been raining the sun came out.

Huge hugs lovely. Xx

I did readings at my mother in law's and my grandfather's funerals. I hated it to be honest. I addressed them to the back of the church as I knew if I looked at anyone I'd cry. One of my grandfather's cousins told me afterwards that it had looked as though I 'hadn't practised at all' which really upset me-I had been struggling not to cry through the whole thing, it wasn't a matter of not enough bloody rehearsal.

Whatdoiknowanyway Tue 24-Jun-14 07:21:59

I did at my Mum's. Like a pp treated it as a presentation and got through on adrenalin. To be honest there had been so much going on at the time of her death (child in hospital, dealing with my dad who had dementia etc) that I remember saying to my husband I could manage organising everything so long as I didn't take time to mourn. I mourned after the funeral. Cried buckets at a neighbour's funeral 6 months later. It wasn't for him, I knew who I was crying for.

Also spoke at my brother's funeral. I did it with my siblings. It was fully scripted by us beforehand, we agreed which bit we would each do and that if one of us faltered the next person due to speak would pick up and carry on. It worked and we are proud that we did that for him.

I read a poem at my fathers funeral. It was easier than writing and reading my own script. I didn't think I'd be able to do it until I sat down in the church, but everyone was very calm and it was a lot easier than I had expected.

scrivette Tue 24-Jun-14 07:30:10

I read at all my grandparents and my cousins. You do just find the strength to get through and as said previously, treat it like a presentation. Have it in large font in easy to read writing, take a deep breath and go for it. You will be so pleased that you did afterwards .

purplemurple1 Tue 24-Jun-14 07:40:51

I read at my mum's tbh I don't remember what I read or really how I did it. I do remember I distracted myself from crying by pinching the skin between my thumb and finger.

empra Tue 24-Jun-14 07:56:53

I did the tribute at my father's funeral. There was no family backup but the priest had a copy of what I was saying so he could have taken over if necessary.

minmooch Tue 24-Jun-14 07:57:21

I read a poem at my sons funeral just 4 months ago. It was something I wanted to do for him.

desertmum Tue 24-Jun-14 07:58:26

I did a reading at both my parent's funeral - it was to honour them and I felt it was the last thing I could do for them. At DM's funeral there was no back up, but at DF's DH said he would step up if I broke down - DF died just 5 weeks after DM - it was a a truly awful time.

OwlCapone Tue 24-Jun-14 08:01:47

I was the back up plan for a friends XH's funeral.

Leaving aside my huge fear of public speaking, it was easy as I had no emotional attachments. I'm not sure it would be as easy otherwise. I sort of detached myself from it but I don't know if this would work to overcome strong emotions.

CorporateRockWhore Tue 24-Jun-14 08:01:59

minmooch I'm so sorry thanks

Callmecordelia Tue 24-Jun-14 08:02:44

I read a poem at my Grandpa's funeral and spoke at my Granny's. She had a humanist service, and there was a bit when anyone who wanted to speak about their memories of her could stand up and say something. It was very moving and personal to her. I'd like something similar at my own funeral. I was the only grandchild not in floods of tears, and felt like I should say something on behalf of all of us.

At my nan and grandads.

Nan was much easier as she was far older and had been ill. Grandad died suddenly and we were very close. I thought I'd be able to hold my composure much better than I did but I cried like a baby up on that podium. No one minded though, and I got the whole way through my prewritten eulogy.

Badvoc2 Tue 24-Jun-14 08:06:21

I read a poem at my dads funeral last year.
I wrote the eulogy and my dh read that.

captainproton Tue 24-Jun-14 08:06:29

I typed my grandma's eulogy out in big font so that if I turned into a blubbing mess someone could easily step in.

I read it ok until the last sentence, and when I cried I set all my family off too. So god knows who would have finished it off!

Whocansay Tue 24-Jun-14 08:08:13

I made a speech at my mum's funeral. I wanted to do it for her. The (lady) vicar was lovely and she was happy to step in and do it for me if I needed it. I managed, but only just. I also ended up digging my nails into my hand to try and keep calm.

thanks to everyone else still grieving.

MrsExtraOrdinary Tue 24-Jun-14 08:35:20

I did a reading age 17 at my best friends funeral. She was 18. That was 17 years ago. I'm so glad I did. Lots of practice and put markers where you are going to breathe.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now