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If your pet could talk it would say...

(45 Posts)
HilariousInHindsight Tue 24-Jun-14 00:07:43

"Just you wait - when your back is turned I'm going to eat the lot! You won't even see a crumb!"

'must you wake me up when I'm asleep in the bathroom sink?'

STOPwiththehahaheheloling Tue 24-Jun-14 00:12:22

"Get the fucking kitten off my face"

CQ Tue 24-Jun-14 00:14:21

Of course I wasn't asleep on your bed while you were out.

PinklePurr Tue 24-Jun-14 00:15:18

I'm hungry.

FFS be quiet... I'm sleeping.

No it is not your bed, it's mine.

Cuddle me, I'm beautiful.

PricillaQueenOfTheDessert Tue 24-Jun-14 00:15:45

Will you close the bloody windows, I can smell foxes!

Kleptronic Tue 24-Jun-14 00:27:59

Throw the fucking ball, knobhead.

Fooood. Fooood. Foooooood. Oh, you don't have any food? Well, fuck you.

I have guinea pigs. The moment they realise I'm not holding any coriander, or whatever, you can actually see the hmm look in their faces.

lilmissneurotic Tue 24-Jun-14 00:39:03

feed me
pet me
move over so I can get in beside you

I am an attack hamster and I will destroy any human in my path.

Our hamster is a maniac in his ball, he runs into my leg all the bloody time and it hurts more than you'd think hmm

joanofarchitrave Tue 24-Jun-14 01:00:02

Where are the sausages

Where is the cake

I know you have sausages, I can smell them you know

I'll lick your sausages, oh shite it's your feet again

BALL LONG GRASS SPROING BALL

mmmm nice shit there from the dog down the street

kaatieexox Tue 24-Jun-14 01:21:44

Oh my god I loveeee running up and down the stairs at 1am with my toy mouse and making as much noise as possible. After I've done this I'm going to claw at your feet and pester you for food, even though I've got a bowl full I'm a fussy bastard and want a fresh lot.

FUCK OFF IM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!

NanaaBananaaaZ Tue 24-Jun-14 01:31:47

What in the hell is that you have brought home (in regards to the new kitten)

Feed me , I need milk get me some now

Do I look like u want to play ?

Where have you hid the treats

If it keeps growling at me I will eat it

NanaaBananaaaZ Tue 24-Jun-14 01:32:35

*I want to play ffs

Mrscaindingle Tue 24-Jun-14 01:45:41

Ffs sake woman just give me some food.

Oh, you want to sleep? How funny.

CorusKate Tue 24-Jun-14 01:59:32

"Your breath smells goood - mind if I clean your teeth for you?"

"YOU BASTARD YOU'VE BEEN BOILING STOCK ALL DAY I CAN SMELL IT I CAN SMELL IT LEMME OUUUUT!"

"Ugh, do I have to come out to play? This wheel is so comfy to nap in."

(No pets at the moment, but used to have rats.)

Trollsworth Tue 24-Jun-14 02:09:09

"Please stop farting on me in bed..."

JustLikeHoney Tue 24-Jun-14 02:44:41

Jesus Christ what did you go and have children for?

Do we send them back to the hospital soon? We don't want them getting too dependant.

Ooh, a wheel? I MUST run on top of it. Running inside it is so last year.

SteveBrucesNose Tue 24-Jun-14 03:22:40

Why should you dictate the sleeping hours in this house. If I wish to sleep from. 7pm - midnight and play from midnight to 6am, then I'm allowed to. Why should I conform to your human sleep patterns.

OH YOU BASTARD TWATTING THROW, YOU ARE SO BLUE - YOU DESERVE YO BE DESTROYED - RAAAAAASRRRRRRRRRRRR

Currently, at 6am...
Food? FOOD! You've not fed me for since last night about 17 millions years, why do you deny me food? You're a mean dog-mum and I hate you. FOOD!!!

Why do you complain when I eat BoyDog's shit? It'll only be going in the bin anyway and I'm saving you from having to clear it up.

123Jump Tue 24-Jun-14 03:46:37

Feed me.
Feed me.
Feed me.
Feed me.
Feed me.
Feed me.
Feed me.

You may pet me now.

Feed me.
Feed me.

We have a cat, to state the obvious! grin

Eastpoint Tue 24-Jun-14 03:48:41

Thank heavens you're back. I missed you. I know I could hear you but I miss you so badly when you aren't right next to me stroking my head.

goshhhhhh Tue 24-Jun-14 04:32:07

It wasn't me. I didn't do it. A feather sticking out of my mouth? Not sure what you are talking about.

Was that the clean pile of ironing?

What's this? I'm not eating this

Sparklingbrook Tue 24-Jun-14 06:06:28

I love that game we play where I jump out of the bathroom window onto the garage roof and pretend I can't get down. Then you get the garden chair, hold it up, I jump in the seat and you lower it down.

I call it the 'Cat Chair Lift Game'. grin

Also the game where I don't come home for hours and you get all stressy. grin

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