Please note that threads in this topic are removed from the archive 90 days after the thread was started. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it.

I'm a bit stressed about this and I need some perspective.

(16 Posts)
RhondaJean Tue 17-Jun-14 21:25:45

Prepared to accept I should just relax, easier said than done, due to my own upbringing I struggle to know what's okay and whats not. I think sometimes I go the other way and am too relaxed about things so to find me stressed by this is unusual and I want "normal" perspective.

Dd2 is 9. She goes to mil on Tuesday for her dinner (along with dd1) mostly in the hope it fosters a good relationship between them.

Mil doesn't live in a great area. DH and I worked very hard and spent a lot of money to get our DDs out of there, it's not awful but there are issues with teens drinking, etc, the usual stuff really.

She tends to let dd out to play, usually with her sister in laws grandchildren. I know sister in law and she's lovely and I would trust her.

Lately she's been letting her go to another family in the street. I know nothing about them and their back garden isnt visible from mils house(can't ply in street, pretty main road and bus route).

Tonight dd had been there for several hours until she got brought home by the mother, she was in her pants and tshirt as mil told her to take her shorts off, they were diving in and out of a paddling pool, jumping in off chairs etc. now I swear I am honestly not paranoid but

- I don't like her being in a garden out of the way with a family I know nothing about

- I don't like her bombing about in her pants (it was to keep the shorts dry which is fair enough)

- I don't think they should be encouraged to jump off chairs etc into shallow water

I'm honestly prepared to accept I'm being over protective here (please be gentle I'm just trying to feel out why I feel this way and how off from a normal reaction it is) but dd2 is supposed to be staying with mil for a few days next week while DH and I go away (yes it's really really good of her etc) and I feel a bit iffy about it now.

Sorry for mega post.

EatShitDerek Tue 17-Jun-14 21:28:30

That all seems normal from my upbringing. We would stand on things and junp into a pool.

We would happily be in underwear if it meant we could play and have dry clothes to be in.

Could you get to know the family to put your mind at ease?

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:31:00

Is mil there with her or does she go by herself?

Hassled Tue 17-Jun-14 21:31:48

I think you are being a tad over-protective but then again you don't know these people, you don't know what they're like, so I can see why you're a bit stressy.

The only solution is a forced introduction. Pop round on the pretext that they've been so good having your DD to play that you just had to bring them a bunch of flowers to say thank you, and you'll get some sort of instinct about them.

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:32:07

Of your three points only the first would bother me. But it would def bother me if my 9 year old was being left in the care of a total stranger.

I would try and get to know the family - maybe you could pop by and give them your phone number so they can ring you if needed?

I agree with Derek though - this sort of thing was quite normal when I was growing up (1980/90s)

EllaFitzgerald Tue 17-Jun-14 21:34:31

I think you might be being a bit over protective. She's with a family that your mil obviously doesn't have any concerns about. Lots of kids bomb about in their pants in the summer and they're jumping off a chair, rather than diving, so she's not likely to hurt herself too badly.

Having said that, I don't have any children, so I'm quite prepared to accept that I might be talking out of my bottom.

RhondaJean Tue 17-Jun-14 21:35:35

See, my mother would have had a hairy fit at it, but I know she doesn't react normally.

I actually think DH would not be too keen either for some reason.

Mil apparently pops over every so often to see she is ok. I think I would feel differently if it was mil sitting in the back garden with Thr parents chatting while she played. Actually I know I would.

RhondaJean Tue 17-Jun-14 21:38:11

Hassled, I am shit at people outwith work contexts, I can't think of anything worse than forcing myself on them sad. It's a very good idea though.

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:41:48

Is it only me who thinks it's a bit strange that the DDs are over there to bond with the grandmother and spending loads of time at someone else's house?

RhondaJean Tue 17-Jun-14 21:44:56

No fingers it isn't but I didn't want to start that one hmm. In case I got a rocket for being ungrateful.

EatShitDerek Tue 17-Jun-14 21:45:54

I dont think its strange. Someone kids want to be with their friends and stuck in with Grandma

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 21:57:13

I guess, derek.

Just that these children weren't their friends first, were they? They're people they've met after being sent out to play in the street by the grandma they're supposed to be visiting?

I have no concept as to whether that is normal or not, btw, grew up far away from my grandparents and my DC also live far from their grandparents.

Just seemed strange to me that they're over there to have a relationship with her but spending 'several hours' in a strangers house.

EatShitDerek Tue 17-Jun-14 22:02:02

Well when I was 9 would prefer to playing in a pool and having fun to staying in with my nanna and I was very close to her.

fingersonbuzzers Tue 17-Jun-14 22:11:46

Fair point Derek.

But the OP said:

"She goes to mil on Tuesday for her dinner (along with dd1) mostly in the hope it fosters a good relationship between them."

It seems like that's not working if the DD isn't with her grandmother anyway. Can you just stop her going, RhondaJean? It sounds like a pretty pointless arrangement if that's what you were hoping to achieve.

RhondaJean Tue 17-Jun-14 22:12:12

Well just to cheer me up even more her eczema has all broken out red and sore on her legs, she's itching like mad and covered in cream, I am trying desperately not to blame the left out for days and swam in by family dog water.

Del I get your point but if she is just going to be sent out to play, I'd probably rather just have her home where I know her friends and their parents and I can see what is going on if I need to from the window. Prior to this when the weather was bad, she was left to go on th computer herself in another room. Mil doesn't seem to really engage much and I'm wondering if it's actually worth her going at all.

I can only hope it pours down while we are away next week.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now