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Weird things on public transport

(48 Posts)
EvilHerbivore Tue 17-Jun-14 17:20:11

Im on the bus to work need to learn to drive and some quite manly looking guy behind me on the bus is listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack out loud on his phone, all the other passengers keep catching each others eyes but no-one has actually said anything yet...

What strange things have happened to you on public transport?

Ha ha ha grin

I love an anecdote thread. I'm sure I've got some good public transport ones . . . especially as I used be a regular Tube user. There's all sorts goes on on there.

I once saw a man talking very loudly and argumentatively into his phone, on a tube train which had no mobile reception. The really odd thing was that the phone rang before he answered it. And yet it was totally impossible that anyone could ring him. I can only conclude that he was a well-dressed lunatic who had programmed his phone to make a ringing noise. Or a performance artist.

I also once saw a burly builder, in his work clothes, crocheting what looked like a little handbag.

EyelinerQueen Tue 17-Jun-14 17:30:42

I was on a busy bus a few months ago when a man sat beside me and pulled a single unwrapped pork chop out of a grubby tesco carrier bag and proceeded to eat it like a lollipop.

confused

A raw chop?? confused

Toooldtobearsed Tue 17-Jun-14 17:34:00

I regularly travel from the north into London. Opposite me, at a table seat, a middle aged man not only shaved but also brushed his teeth fgs

Put me right off my full English !

Mandy2003 Tue 17-Jun-14 17:34:07

In the '80s, a guy sitting splay legged in a pair of short running shorts. What's that poking out of the leg of the shorts? I thought. Oh, oh, OMG IT'S A PENIS!!

EvilHerbivore Tue 17-Jun-14 17:34:32

We're up to the "do you love me now that i can dance" one and he's humming along...

OldVikingDudeHidMyTubeSocks Tue 17-Jun-14 17:40:48

You could get a bus singalong going on. Everyone knows the words to dirty dancing songs!

Marcelinewhyareyousomean Tue 17-Jun-14 17:42:19

Lunging and stretching up and down the centre aisle of a Virgin wearing a in a suit. grunting and groaning. Tit.

BitchyHen Tue 17-Jun-14 17:45:30

EyelinerQueen on a bus a few years ago a man pulled a cooked leg of lamb out of a carrier bag and ate it.

More recently 'special brew' man sat next to me on the bus, pulled a can of special brew from his coat pocket and drank it. When he had finished it he put the empty one back and pulled out another from a different pocket. By the time I got off he was on his fourth can - each from a different pocket.

ajandjjmum Tue 17-Jun-14 17:45:31

DD was on the DLR once, and there was a girl with a crop top with a tattoo on her side. The tattoo started moving, and DD realised it was a snake that was in her pocket, having a little stretch.

Bloody good job it wasn't me on that train!

TweenageAngst Tue 17-Jun-14 17:51:30

A woman pole dancing on the tube. Headphones in, short skirt, high heels middle of the carriage. Proper pole dancing.....it was odd....what was odder was how much the whole carriage talked to each other once she got off.

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 17-Jun-14 17:53:30

I got the Northern line home from work one night and got in the last carriage. I was about to swing my butt into the seat by the door, when the smell hit me. Someone had sprayed nutty liquid Diarrhea all over the seat I was seconds from landing on.

It was slightly camouflaged by the orange, brown and black speckled seats, but when you looked closely it was all over the back and seat cushion.

Other people were sat round and no one said a thing.

I still gag about it today. Imagine having to make a 90 minute journey home covered in someone else's squits. hmm

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 17-Jun-14 17:57:08

A woman sitting next to me on the bus kept squeaking and then asking me if I was a guinea pig! grin

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 17-Jun-14 17:57:35

Wally envy << vom face

PopcornFrenzy Tue 17-Jun-14 18:02:50

I was on a bus and there was a woman eating a raw garlic bulb like an apple, the smell was horrendous so much so I had to get off and wait for the next one.

ipswichwitch Tue 17-Jun-14 18:03:13

Sat at a table seat on a train with my friend opposite when a rather odd looking older man came and sat next to me. After 30mins of talking to himself he rummaged in the bin next to his seat, pulled out a half eaten sausage roll which had bits of other bin stuff on it, and ate it. I was envy<sick face, my friend was grin

PickleSarnie Tue 17-Jun-14 18:38:28

AdamLamb I had that too the other day! Bloke spoke for an entire hour really loudly without stopping on a train I know doesn't have signal for most of it (an overground through crappy reception areas) I started off being annoyed at the noise but ended up being quite impressed at his ability to have a conversation with himself for so long. I would have bored myself after a few minutes.

StuntBottom Tue 17-Jun-14 18:42:51

Caught a tube one Friday night and there was an inflatable sex doll handcuffed to one of the poles.

emmeline7725 Tue 17-Jun-14 19:10:12

I was sitting on the top deck of a bus. At the front was a man with a tattoo of a spiders web which covered his whole face. He was slouched down in his seat with his feet up against the large window at the front. He started swinging his feet so that they were hitting the window. He continued to do so more and more vigorously until the entire window cracked all over (somewhat resembling the spiders web on his face)

Another one...

On a plane from Toronto to Denver. Did through usual check in, security, wait for ages. Got on the plane and sat down next to an American couple. Again, long winded process of taxiing along the runway then take off. At which point this couple produced a Chinese takeaway and started tucking in. I cannot imagine how long they had been hanging on to that before eating it.

PerpendicularVincenzo Tue 17-Jun-14 19:18:59

I once sat next to a guy who drank a bottle of water, then licked the cap, outside of the bottle (full on tongue action) and stuck his tongue in the bottle to lick the inside.

Another time, on the tube Friday evening rush hour. A bloke gets on the train with a massive rucksack filled with photos. He takes the photos out, tears them into strips, hits the strips repeatedly on the edge of the seat opposite and puts them back in his bag.

I also once sat next to a man dressed as a beaver reading a book about marketing.

ah, so glad it's not just me pickle!

The guy on my tube carriage was really convincing. He kept 'ringing off' and then 'ringing back' to shout a bit more. Despite the fact that we were underground.

Bizarro.

Blamenargles Tue 17-Jun-14 20:27:03

my DP once got on the tube in rush hour and a bloke got on with a canoe its still a topic of conversation 6 months on hmm

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 17-Jun-14 20:51:07

This thread has triggered a few memories for me thinking of my old commutes around London:

I stood on the platform of the Victoria Line at Brixton with my umbrella over my head for 15 mins once, wondering why everyone was sniggering.

I was at Brixton again early on a Sunday morning waiting for the tube - I was taking my pet rabbit to a friend to look after whilst I was on hols. He managed to chew the bloody gate of his carry case open and bolted out down the platform. Very surprised guy walked onto platform to find a lop eared bunny skidding towards him.

Give him his due, he scooped him up and brought him back to me!

God Brixton again - a really aggressive woman tried to shove me out of the way at the ticket barrier. I shoved her back and went through but she followed me down the escalator kicking me in the backs of the legs with each step mumbling you....fucking...bitch with every kick. grin

PinkHamster Tue 17-Jun-14 21:26:38

There used to be a weird middle aged man who I used to see on the bus sometimes. Whenever he saw me he would always try to talk to me about cups of tea and kettles hmm He never tried to talk to me about anything else, it was just about cups of tea. I noticed that he never talked to other people, he would always zoom in on me. Haven't seen him for a while though.

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