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ugh, just snapped at 15m old DD and now I feel disgusted with myself :(

(15 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:18:55

Can anyone reassure me she will be OK? My mum was cross with her kids all the time and I know how it feels to be scared of a parent. DD was exhausted but fighting her nap, I had tried for 30 mins to get her to drop off and she was closing her eyes in exhaustion and then opening them wide awake in that overtired way 5 seconds later... I hadn't eaten since 6am and have work deadline to get on with as soon as she drops off, plus house in a tip as she currently just likes to potter from room to room creating chaos... not excusing myself but I was just at end of tether.
I snapped "for the love of God just close your eyes" and banged her cup down on the kitchen worktop sad
I feel like a horrible bully and worried she only dropped off after that because she was scared not to sad
Patience has never been my strong suit but I have found new reserves of it with DD who is a very very active and headstrong toddler, I manage to keep calm throughout endless tantrums and attacks of hysterics and then I got frustrated over something so relatively small.
Ugh ugh ugh, I feel utterly shit. Dont ever want to do to DD what my mum did to me.

ghostisonthecanvas Tue 17-Jun-14 14:26:21

Firstly lots of small things. Not just one. Thats what happens with parenting. Lots of little things get frustrating. Secondly, you are aware of how you don't want to parent. You will manage this. The fact that you are so upset means you will try to manage your temper better. We all have a temper. Nothing to be ashamed off. Its how we manage it that counts. Sounds like you need a while to yourself. Is that possible. Even just a quiet cuppa? You have done fantastically well til now. Hugs for you, look after yourself.

ghostisonthecanvas Tue 17-Jun-14 14:27:44

Oh, and I doubt you scared her flowers she wouldn't have slept if you did.

Shallishanti Tue 17-Jun-14 14:28:10

relax!
yes, you weren't very nice to her...but that's in the context of an overall positive relationship. When she wakes up she probably won't remember. When it happens next time (assuming you are an ordinary human being like the rest of us) you can say...'oh i'm sorry dd, I didn't mean that, I'm just feeling very tired (or whatever). That way she learns- that you are human- that it's normal to make mistakes- that you can try to put them right. All good.

livelablove Tue 17-Jun-14 14:28:32

Of course she will be ok! We all lose our tempers sometimes even super patient people. It is only a problem when it happens too much, and is out of control. I mean screaming at them all the time, or violence.

emeraldgirl1 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:30:08

Thank you ghost, that's really nice of you.
Have had a coffee and a biscuit and feel a bit less vile.
Will give her an extra big cuddle when she wakes up and say sorry, it's something my mum never did and I realise as an adult how much it mattered.
She just looked a bit confused poor thing, suddenly mummy raising her voice and banging things - I'm not sure she quite knew what was going on

emeraldgirl1 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:31:22

Thanks everyone.
I am a bit shit at this side of parenting, I think I put too much pressure on to be the perfect calm happy mummy all the time even when she is driving me nuts.

WestEast Tue 17-Jun-14 14:31:46

You sounds like a bloody knackered very caring mum at the end of your tether. You snapped. That's all. She slept. Everything in your post shows how much you love your child and want to do the best for them.

Be a little nicer to yourself. You deserve it.

ChristopherRobin Tue 17-Jun-14 14:33:14

I know exactly how you feel, I've done a similar thing with my 14mo, and felt terrible after. She's usually a great napper but when she's fighting her sleep she just screams and it really hits a nerve. I've heard that a crying baby makes mothers want to run to their baby and comfort them but when she's screaming it makes me want to leave the room!
I'm always amazed at how bright and cheery dd is once she's woken from a nap, even after an epic meltdown so don't worry she won't remember and I'm sure you don't do it very often. Just have a lovely afternoon together and don't be hard on yourself you're doing a great job, it's tough sometimes.

DialMforMummy Tue 17-Jun-14 14:33:26

Sometimes I snap too. When the children are overtired/ overexcited, when I try to do to many things at once. Talking to my friends, we all do.
Toddlers are demanding and will test our limits and although, like you, I hate myself for snapping and losing control, in a way, I think it's also a way for them to understand that they have gone too far and we have a limit.

Itsjustmeagain Tue 17-Jun-14 14:36:11

I actually think its ok to do this every now and then (I am not talking about constantly shouting and screaming) but children have to know you are human and sometimes snapping one moment stops a total explosion of temper in another - if that makes sense!

DustyRusty Tue 17-Jun-14 14:37:16

I said 'oh for fucks sake shut up!' to my wailing 10 week old DS at 3am this morning, and feel pretty guilty about that (although I appreciate he didn't understand what I was saying!).

We all snap sometimes, children are bloody frustrating!

emeraldgirl1 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:38:32

I know, it's good advice, I just feel particularly bad as it wasn't as if she was doing anything wifully 'naughty' (such as when I tell her not to empty out the entire dirty laundry basket and she carries on doing it anyway...) she was just struggling to get to sleep...

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Tue 17-Jun-14 14:39:39

My dd is 23mo now. I remember the first time I snapped at her like that and felt just the same as you. Of course I've snapped at her since, and I always hate myself afterwards but I always say sorry and we have a big cuddle. It's ok for them to learn that people get frustrated and how to handle it too.

CailinDana Tue 17-Jun-14 14:41:05

I think the way parenting is viewed in our society sets us up for this sort of situation. Looking after a 15 mo is a full-time job, but society expects mums (in particular) to look after little ones and do everything else. So what happens is what happened to you today - we feel overwhelmed and the person who suffers in the end is the tiny helpless one.

I have a challenging 17 mo and a 3 year old and when I get frustrated I remind myself that my most important job, the one I really want to do right, is be a parent. Everything else must come second to that no matter how much I'm sold the idea that I should be able to "juggle" and be perfect at my job and have an immaculate house. I can only do one thing at a time.

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