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How to tell a friend that we don't want to go on holiday with them?

(53 Posts)
MyballsareSandy Tue 17-Jun-14 07:49:00

For the last 7 years or so we have spent a weekend away in the summer with friends and their kids, similar age. My two have gradually grown apart from hers, do very little together now unless instigated by parents.

Last night DD1 said she didn't want to go away with them, they have nothing in common. I feel it's two or three nights out of a whole year and we still should go. DD2 not bothered either way. DH agrees with DD1 as he's always found the other kids hard work. Kids are early teens. But how on earth do I broach this with my friend, she's so lovely.

Doinmummy Tue 17-Jun-14 07:53:35

Could you say you can't afford it?

Could you and she go away without husbands and children?

WilliamShatner Tue 17-Jun-14 08:09:13

I agree with changing it to just you and your friend.

Chances are that her children are feeling the same and she is having the same dilemma.

Just say the kids are of an age where they don't want to go away because they're teenagers.

MyballsareSandy Tue 17-Jun-14 08:13:22

I know she will thinks its odd, whatever I say, as we go away with other friends and my DDs love it. She knows this, not helped by facebook. I wish her kids did feel the same but I know her eldest will be upset as she struggles with friendships.

You're assuming her kids want to go away with yours. Really might not be the case. May not have been the case last year either....

If you two get on, you meet up. Dunno why everyone else has to be involved. It sounds like it was wonderful once and you're clinging on to it. Stuff changes. That's all.

MyballsareSandy Tue 17-Jun-14 08:14:10

Don't think lack of money will be believed, partly due to holidaying with others and partly because our weekends away are usually camping so very cheap.

Piratejones Tue 17-Jun-14 08:15:04

what would happen if you told her the truth, the kid have grown apart, surely she has noticed?

pictish Tue 17-Jun-14 08:16:29

What's the actual reason you don't want to go away? That your dd has screwed her face up?

Coughle Tue 17-Jun-14 08:16:49

Settle on a date and then at the last minute say you didn't realize your kids already had plans, they won't be joining you. Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, have your kids take up some all consuming sport that will render them unavailable forever...

MyballsareSandy Tue 17-Jun-14 08:18:50

That prob is the best thing to do Piratejones, but it's still awkward isn't it. I'm sure she realises but I think she tries to keep the kids doing things as her DD struggles with friends, so it's understandable. But they are an age when they are doing what they like to do, with friends they have interest in, not friendships they have outgrown but still limp along reluctantly due to parents.

Branleuse Tue 17-Jun-14 08:18:59

its a weekend. Your dd is being a pain for no good reason.

Or if it is just a weekend camping, encourage your children to go and make the best of it, you know, for the greater good.

pictish Tue 17-Jun-14 08:20:21

I'm sure she could manage a couple of days despite being such delicate flower.

MyballsareSandy Tue 17-Jun-14 08:21:30

No it's not because DD has screwed her face up grin, she doesn't get a say in everything. Just that I can see her point that my two have very little in common with the other two, they've outgrown the friendship. If the parents weren't friends of ours they wouldn't have seen each other for years. So the question is, do you keep forcing it on them, or let them decide.

Piratejones Tue 17-Jun-14 08:21:57

It’s awkward, but you could cushion it, tell her instead of a weekend away you'll do a few days out throughout the year, maybe a theme park lots of stuff to do there.

I think it’s much better to be honest than to constantly make excuses.

basgetti Tue 17-Jun-14 08:23:03

If the parents are friends of yours then still go and your DD will just have to make the best of it. It's only 2 days!

pictish Tue 17-Jun-14 08:23:23 a third you just expect them to manage a couple of days camping, as that does not equate a lifetime of commitment to an unwanted friendship.
You are making too much out of this.

angeltulips Tue 17-Jun-14 08:24:48

Personally I would make everyone go - it's a weekend, it won't kill them, and it's a kindness to a friend of yours

Good life lesson for your dd

Piratejones Tue 17-Jun-14 08:27:25

or option 4, dd stays home you and DS go.

SheherazadeSchadenfreude Tue 17-Jun-14 08:27:44

I agree with Branleuse and Pictish. We all have to do stuff we don't want to, because it will benefit other people or to be polite. It's not all about me, me, me - there are enough self centred people in the world. It's a weekend. Suck it up and go. And if it all blows up, then there's your excuse for not going next year. Would you be the same if it was a visit to an elderly relative who loved to see you all once a year, but whom your daughter found "boring"? hmm

stripedtortoise Tue 17-Jun-14 08:28:32

I would make everyone go. It's a weekend away. Probably end up being lovely. Your DD will miss holidays when she has to pay for her own ;)

FoxSticks Tue 17-Jun-14 08:28:43

I remember weekends and nights away with my parents friends and their awful kids when I was younger. I understood I just had to lump it as it was about my parents friendship not mine. Do you still enjoy these weekends? If so I think your daughter should understand it's just one weekend.

HecatePropylaea Tue 17-Jun-14 08:32:42

why do you go on holiday with them?

Do you go away with your friends, and both of you happen to have children?

Or do you go away for the children to be together and would not do it otherwise?

I think if you as an adult couple want to take a short break with another couple and both of you have children who happen at this point in time to not be pals, then tough luck for them grin. The kids should be free to go and do their own thing within the short break, but it shouldn't have to be cancelled because your kids don't fancy it.

if, otoh, you would never have begun this going away together but for the fact you both have children who were friends and the point of the trip has always been to give the children a few days together, then if the children no longer want to spend time together, that's a very good reason to end the arrangement.

If the friendship is and always has been you and your friend and you have both dragged kids and husbands along, then dump the lot of them and take a lovely weekend break with your pal.

ChairmanWow Tue 17-Jun-14 08:34:07

I agree. You say it's not because your daughter screwed her face up, but would you be considering not going if she hadn't? The kids'll be fine. You'll have a nice time with your friends. If it doesn't work out then just don't go next year.

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