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are you a people pleaser?

(39 Posts)
PandaPicnic Sun 15-Jun-14 11:36:36

i used to be and still am at heart

but getting better at saying no

Perfectlypurple Sun 15-Jun-14 11:44:36

Yes. I am trying not to be but I can't help it.

EyelinerQueen Sun 15-Jun-14 11:47:06

No. Absolutely not.

I am fair and generous but have zero tolerance for piss-takers and have no problems saying no or calling out crap behaviour.

Which makes me confused at about 80% of the threads on here. Just say no people!

Cardinal Sun 15-Jun-14 11:48:02

No not at all. It's bloody liberating.

I'm a shameless bitch and a me pleaser!

yes, absolutely. I am getting a bit better at saying no but my heart is never in it.

TiredCassandrasbed Sun 15-Jun-14 11:48:37

The same as you OP. Still easily manipulated too when off guard. I hate that people who take advantage make you change what you are at heart.

Horsemad Sun 15-Jun-14 11:53:30

Used to be, but not any longer, yay! Has made me unpopular with some people but that's fine by me. smile

TiredCassandrasbed Sun 15-Jun-14 11:59:07

It so does make you unpopular when you change, you are so right there Horsemad.

OorWullie Sun 15-Jun-14 12:01:38

I am, even when i manage to say no it's always in a totally round about way with a white lie thrown in to make an excuse rather than an outright "No, sorry but i can't/Don't want to/It's not convenient".

gamerchick Sun 15-Jun-14 12:07:25

I used to be but got sick and started saying no. I've lost friends through it grin

It gets a hell of a lot easier to say no after seeing spitting of dummies from adults.

Now everybody gets a first chance as im very loyal and will help if I can, but the second somebody takes the piss I shut it off. Have no patience anymore.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 15-Jun-14 12:16:38

No. But it doesn't make me unpopular. It's all in the way you do it.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 15-Jun-14 12:17:37

yes........ or rather I used to be.

I do still go out of my way to help people, but only the ones that appreciate it smile

I'm a work in progress though. I'm getting significantly bolshier on a daily basis grin

cherrystones Sun 15-Jun-14 12:25:50

No. I don't think I ever have been, although I hate saying no directly. I avoid confrontation like that by keeping my head down, committing to my own interests, keeping my distance and not making eye contact. Means I rarely get asked for favours and always have a solid reason to say no. Like EyelinerQueen I am confused at some threads on here - I just don't find myself in the position in the first place.

No, I'm not.

I'm happy to help out but won't be taken for a doormat.

Wishyouwould Sun 15-Jun-14 13:15:48

Not anymore.

I too have lost friends by being more assertive - but not being taken for a fool anymore reveals your true friends anyway!

andsmile Sun 15-Jun-14 13:21:29

Yes I always try without thinking to fit in wth other people instead of just being me. I can say no, its more social with me I think. I worry people will think bad of me far too much and care what other people think way too much.

ballsballsballs Sun 15-Jun-14 13:25:46

I'm getting much better at saying no and setting boundaries. I no longer tie myself in so many knots trying to make everyone happy, and that is a great feeling. And I'm worth it, dammit.

Rhine Sun 15-Jun-14 14:10:44

Yes. I'm working on it though. I've noticed that the piss takers get so very affronted/offended when you say no to them though, they make me question myself for being assertive.

TiredCassandrasbed Sun 15-Jun-14 14:30:58

The pisstakers are the "friends" you loose when you change, who only had an interest in you for what you could do for them, they were never friends in the first place. Someone with better boundaries would never have made friends with them in the first place or due to better boundaries the piss taking behaviour would not have been an issue in the first place.

greeneggsandjam Sun 15-Jun-14 14:33:19

Yes and it really annoys me.

insancerre Sun 15-Jun-14 14:34:05

I don't even like people very much

TiredCassandrasbed Sun 15-Jun-14 14:35:32

If it helps I think of it as people like us, the one's chaninging from being a people pleaser to not, get to see the real side of people, and get to see what people are really like.

Those with good boundaires don't get to see the reality of those they hang out with as they never get in the situation we are in in the first place. We get to see people for who they are when others hang around nasty pieces of work in plain sight and have no idea grin. Think of all those people who stood up for Celebs in court cases, they had no idea who they were really socialising with.

Strawdolly Sun 15-Jun-14 14:38:46

No. But it doesn't make me unpopular. It's all in the way you do it.

Please tell us how to do it more, FunkyBold.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 15-Jun-14 14:43:18

I'm not. But I care about my reputation so I will always act in a decent way. Unless I don't like you... grin

yep but I'm working on it . dp is far less of one and always seems less stressed than I do

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