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Should we visit someone undergoing chemo when DSD has a stinking cold and cough?

(39 Posts)
ExpeditSavedMyLife Sat 14-Jun-14 10:28:52

That, really.

We're supposed to go and see DP's relative today. They've recently been diagnosed with a form of blood cancer and have just started treatment.

DSD came back from her mum's last night with a streaming cold and a chesty cough. She's all snotty and phlegmy.

Should we still go?

ThisIsYourSong Sat 14-Jun-14 11:14:54

FGS I'm certainly not playing Russian roulette with my mum's life. I didn't force her to come and stay with us, she made the choice and bookings herself.

That's actually the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard, even if the sentiment behind it was well meaning.

wineoclocktimeye Sat 14-Jun-14 11:22:55

I recently had 6 months of chemo and although you obviously can't live In a total bubble, I certainly tried to avoid people who were poorly and wouldn't have been at all impressed if someone had come to visit knowing they were ill.

Staywithme Sat 14-Jun-14 11:36:19

Sorry ThisIsYOurSong, I honestly didn't mean to offend. I know you're not doing it intentionally and it was probably a poor choice of words. However, you are both adults and I should respect that you know if your taking risks as you know your mum's health better than I do. I wasn't aware you were seeking opinions, but simply commenting. Sorry again.

RahRahRasputin Sat 14-Jun-14 11:44:16

staywithme that's a very cruel thing to say! Especially as you don't know the ins and outs of the situation. As ThisIsYourSong has said, her mum agreed to visit knowing they were ill. Some chemo drugs have little immune effect. My oncologist was quite blasé about the risks of infection anyway as he said the riskiest place to be is hospital grin as so full of germy people!

It is up to the individual person to make their own decision, based on advice from their team.

RahRahRasputin Sat 14-Jun-14 11:44:58

Ah cross-posted, I'm such a slow typer.

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun Sat 14-Jun-14 11:47:47

Any kind of infection, even something like the common cold can be deadly to those who are having chemotherapy. Please do not go and see her, do FaceTime or Skype etc instead, or have the kids draw pics then you can sneak round and put them through the letter box.

ThisIsYourSong Sat 14-Jun-14 11:50:15

Now I feel bad! I guess the point I was making was that not all blood cancers are life threatening.

I guess my mother made the decision that she would rather not stay away from her grandchildren for six months and was prepared to take the risk. We did arrange for her to stay with my brother (grown up kids) but she preferred to stay here. And she is not the type to not calculate risks (worst case scenario is usually considered in any situation).

FWIW the illnesses that go around the older age group are prolific this time of year, so I'm guessing rather than isolating herself from absolutely everyone in her life, she has made some choices.

I do see where you are coming from re asking for an opinion. Sorry too for overreacting confused

Staywithme Sat 14-Jun-14 11:55:15

ThisIsYourSong. smile
Don't worry about I think I'm over anxious about anyone with chemo because of my DH and I have a tendency to jump in without thinking. I honestly didn't mean to offend and hope your mum benefits from the chemo. FWIW your mums lucky to have a family that cares so much. thanks

Have to go to vets now to pick up meds for my old arthritic dogs. Not to mention cat with heart problems and one other cat getting dropped in to get lump removed. At least I'm not bored. grin

ThisIsYourSong Sat 14-Jun-14 11:59:17

Hope it all goes ok, sounds like you have had a lot on your plate.

zoemaguire Sat 14-Jun-14 12:07:13

I'm amazed anyone has to ask to be honest, sorry! Isn't it common knowledge that chemo knocks out yr immune system?

BlondieBrownie Sat 14-Jun-14 12:08:21


GrannyOnTheSchoolRun Sat 14-Jun-14 12:24:25

Dont be amazed someone had to ask because more often than not people dont know what the illness and treatment involves till it comes knocking on their door - its a very difficult time and learning on the job is the very nature of it .

zoemaguire Sat 14-Jun-14 15:43:10

Yes, fair enough granny, I forget sometimes having had three years of the ins and outs of it!

LastTango Sat 14-Jun-14 15:53:13

I can't even understand why you would even have to ask this question in the first placehmm

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