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if you were wealthy

(67 Posts)
worldcuprefusenik Fri 13-Jun-14 15:38:40 much money would you pay to your student DC? Obviously you would cover their fees and pay basic maintenance (? £9 - 10,000 pa) but what else? Is it okay to ensure they have enough cash not to worry about taxis so that you know they are safe, to buy them a car and insurance and parking, to enable them to rent a nice house in the second year rather than a dive, to enable them to travel in the holidays, money so they can eat out when they are tired, to pay gym membership? Or would you keep them short of cash so that they had to get jobs out of term time and had to plan their budgets carefully (crossing fingers that they buy books not drinks?)? It's so difficult to know whether making them struggle is a) pointless and cruel when not necessary or b) good for their souls and sense of self worth.

I realise this is a first world problem!

My parents are wealthy and for uni I took out the student loan and a maintenance loan.

In yr 1 they paid my hall fees which included all meals, nothing directly to me so I drank my way through lived on my maintenance loan.

In yrs 2 and 3 they paid my rent and bills for the house I shared. Which was pretty much equivalent cost wise to my hall bills and they gave me £200 a month to cover excesses on food bills etc (I was still receiving maintenance loan).

Very very grateful to them thanks Now that I've graduated I'm living alone and financially fending for myself and I wouldn't want to ask them for a penny.

ajandjjmum Fri 13-Jun-14 15:46:22

Yr. 1 DS didn't have to pay his uni fees, and my DM paid for his accommodation. We gave him the minimum to live on for food/books/travel etc. (£50 per week?) and he earned the rest from a part time job.

He was studying a tough degree, so for the second and third year we made up his wages, as he'd shown he was prepared to work, and this enabled him to focus on his studying and ensure a good grade.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 13-Jun-14 15:47:07

I'd keep them a bit short, encourage budgeting, getting jobs and so forth. Very worthwhile exercise enabling them to have the full student experience and learn how to earn and manage their own money. 'Pointless and cruel' IMHO would be to let them out into the world expecting someone else to pick up the tab. (I went to uni with an example of the latter.... he was a complete arse)

turkeyboots Fri 13-Jun-14 15:48:04

My parents fell into this category. I didn't have to work term time, only for summer holidays. Had no car, but basic travel to see extended family was paid for, no holidays though. All bills etc paid. No fees in my day.

I am and was grateful. More so it seems that those who also hadcars and extended holidays in Ibiza paid for on top.

squoosh Fri 13-Jun-14 15:48:20

If I was wealthy, very wealthy or extremely wealthy I would still just pay their fees and accommodation costs and give them enough money to cover an average student lifestyle in average student accommodation.

No holidays, no taxi money, and definitely no cars!

turkeyboots Fri 13-Jun-14 15:50:58

Oh, but also had to budget for food, clothes and entertainment out of allowance. So there is a balance.

Similar to turkeyboots, I didn't have to work during term time but absolutely had to during the holidays. My parents gave me gbp 800 per term which was the same as a full grant, but I was warned that if I didn't work during the holidays, I wouldn't get this. I paid my rent, bills, food, travel, books, clothes, social life etc. Fees were paid by my LEA, I graduated in 1995 so this is going back a while. I took out student loans and had a car when I lived off campus for a year.

I am very grateful to my parents for funding me through uni and even more grateful for not overfunding me. I think it's a really difficult balance to strike.

Different times, can't ever remember taking a taxi when I was a student, did loads of walking and my mum gave me a personal alarm for safety wink

GoldenGytha Fri 13-Jun-14 16:04:47

I have never received a penny from my parents, they forced me to leave school at 16 and get a job and then demanded I hand over all my wages, of which I was given £10 back per week, to pay for bus fares, lunches, nights out and clothes.

My brother was allowed to keep all his wages, and had his bus fares, meals, and clothes paid for.

I am a single mum on disability benefits and my DDs have gone without a lot of things, so if I suddenly became wealthy, I think I'd go a bit daft spending money on them!

Assuming money was no object, I'd buy them each a house, driving lessons and cars, and also give them a lump sum so that'd they'd never have to worry about money.

I should add that they're both a tremendous help and support to me, and have never asked for anything from me, so if anyone deserves a bit of spoiling, it's them!

worldcuprefusenik Fri 13-Jun-14 16:12:14

ok, so general consensus is "just the usual".

How about gym membership?

One of my DC is a medic and so doesn't have time to get a job as she has 9-5 commitments and short holidays, so should I pay her more?

Is it realistic for the others to pick up worthwhile jobs in the vacs?

How about if I buy the houses to be a student share for each of them and charge rent in the usual way (but the house will be a lot nicer)?

Squoosh wouldn't you feel selfish as you were swanning about spending more on make up than they have for food? (Not you personally, obv, I suppose I mean me). Wouldn't my DC not understand why I was not giving them more?

worldcuprefusenik Fri 13-Jun-14 16:13:52

Golden yes, that captures more how I feel! I ws also very poor when young and reaise how limiting it is, and don't want my DC to feel that way ever (yet nor do I want them to be entitled and disempowered).

How about if I double anything they earn?

Gyms at uni and sports societies are usually extremely cheap or free - no need to join a different gym

I'd give them the average lifestyle but only if they were doing a worthwhile degree according to my narrow opinion - I would be pissing my money away on them to learn origami

So I'd pay the fees and halls (not shared housing, too much opportunity to have the heating on all the time and waste thousands) and give them £80 a week for food/living

If they were doing a proper degree that required actual studying I wouldn't expect them to get a job

And I'd only encourage uni if they had an actual passion for something

squoosh Fri 13-Jun-14 16:19:05

worldcuprefuseni I wouldn't feel one tiny bit selfish! In fact I'd feel very generous for covering their fees, accommodation and living costs.

Students are meant to be poor! They're meant to buy £3 bottles of wine, and scrabble around in Primark and charity shops for their killer outfits. They aren't yet in a career so they shouldn't be living the lifestyle of someone earning £50,000+

I wouldn't be pissing my money away on learning origami

squoosh Fri 13-Jun-14 16:20:27

Also I think it could be a bit alienating to be the one with a fat bank balance whilst all my friends were pooling their pennies together for a 2 for 1 pizza deal.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals Fri 13-Jun-14 16:21:44

My parents paid fees and accomodation, in addition to looking after my car expenses (I was at a rural campus uni). I had a student loan for my living (�3k pa). I worked in the summers only.

They would buy me clothes and make up and I was still invited on the family summer holiday. I always went home but friends all had the same plus a fridge full of food when their parents came to visit. Mobile phone bill and contact lense dd were also paid for.

So essentially, the 3k covered food shopping which I didn't really bother with much, drinking, books and petrol. It was totally doable because I wasn't fussed about eating and petrol was cheaper then.

This was normal in my friendship group at uni.

They weren't particularly wealthy but pretty comfortable I suppose. I was on my own after uni and felt significantly poorer than life as a student until relatively recently.

My friends, I discovered last week ALL still get clothes, make up, haircuts, food shopping bought for them. I was really shocked! They thought that I am hard done by now as I'm not dependent on my parents anymore.

GoldenGytha Fri 13-Jun-14 16:22:56

I know what you mean worldcup

I wouldn't want my DDs to feel entitled, but they really have grown up this past 12 years of me being a single parent with very little, so I don't think that would happen.

My mother was visiting one day, not long after I'd moved into my present (council) home, it was winter and I had no money for the heating, she refused me a loan of £10 for the meter, saying that it was my own fault,and that I'd made the decision to be a single mum hmm

I had no carpet in my bedroom, and she suggested that I put down straw on my floor til I could afford a carpet shock

I could never do that to my own DDs, even now my mother questions every little thing that I buy, and grudges me everything, even though I've never had so much as a penny from them.

Pagwatch Fri 13-Jun-14 16:25:15

It is already a huge bonus that my son, on a very basic level, knows that we can bail him out so that is an advantage right there.

Uni is a step between being a dependent child and an independent adult.
You sound as if you feel that your child's lifestyle should reflect yours.
Our view was that our son had already had plenty of advantages so providing a safety net was a plus. We paid or his accommodation and that was it.
He lived off his loan and work. He contacted us with the occasional crisis but he has been broadly self sufficient and is happy about that. He has quite a large degree of contempt for the ' allowance students' . Entitled twats seems to be his view.

I'm not sure wat the point of doubling pay is unless it is to send the message 'work in the real world is a bit shit really'

Pagwatch Fri 13-Jun-14 16:27:25

That's so true. Ds has great friends and rocking up like little lord Fauntleroy would have made him feel like an arse.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Fri 13-Jun-14 16:28:52

I'm planning that DC will get loans for the fees, the maintenance loan for food and travel etc and we will pay their rent. I'm not sure if this is realistic as just started to look into it.

ouryve Fri 13-Jun-14 16:33:14

A few of the children of wealthier parents who I was at school with had houses bought for them to live in and rent out to other flatmates. Not luxury houses, but in nicer streets than typical student digs.

In your position, I would let them take out the loans for fees, though. Paying them yourself would just be money after nothing.

crazykat Fri 13-Jun-14 16:39:08

I'd pay their fees and give them the same amount of maintenance as they'd get if they applied for a loan, purely because if I were wealthy enough to do so they wouldn't be entitled to a maintenance loan as its based on the parents income. Anything else they'd have to get a pt or holiday job. If they were dining medicine/nursing I'd give them more, roughly what they could earn in a pt job, as I know these degrees are very full on with little time to get a job.

I'm currently putting myself trough uni using loans, just as I would have if I'd gone on to uni straight from school as my parents couldn't have afforded to pay my way and I wouldn't have wanted them to anyway.

I think having loads of cash given by parents while at uni would make you quite isolated as almost everyone else would be strapped for cash.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Fri 13-Jun-14 16:45:25

I thought all students could get a maintenance loan.

worldcuprefusenik Fri 13-Jun-14 16:46:49

OK, I must be weird as I am worrying about when I DO give them money if not whilst at uni. All good degrees at top uni's I hope btw (so far looking that way). My best friend's father bought her her first (very nice) flat when she left uni. Perhaps that is a better time?

I guess I don't see why my DC should be poor until the day I die when I can ease their lives. It would have made a massive difference to me if someone had bought me a house in my twenties, or given me money for food at uni. A sense of security, I guess, not least.

Farmyard animals I see you felt poorer after uni than before - would you rather your parents had given you less at uni, or more after? Or was it tough but ok?

crazykat yes, the isolation point does bother me. But say my DD could pay the heating bills for the whole house so that none of them need worry about the bills? I guess that wouldn't be isolating, but would it be weird?

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