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Eavesdropped by accident on mil...

(502 Posts)

Mil has been looking after dd on Fridays for 2 months - prior to this dm did so to facilitate me working extra hour (for 10 months)

Called earlier to see if dd needed to take anything as weather forecast is quite good.

Mil rang off as her landline was ringing, but didn't gang up properly, and told her caller (dh's godmother) that she was sorry she took so long but was on the phone to ' that bloody Keith' because she has to have 'bloody dgd every Friday since her other dgm can't be bothered"

My dm has had cancer surgery fairly recently and Mil OFFERED. angry

She then said "the only good thing is Sheila, if he meets someone else he will be young enough hopefully to have some more....."

3yo Dd is a bit of a miracle - I was told in my 20's that cancer treatment had probably left me infertile. Dh is 12 years younger than me (as was fil to mil, and she had dh at 36!!?)

I hung up at that point. Before I go nuclear, is there any way I have misconstrued this horrible, not for my ears conversation.?

Sorry for typos. Have self medicated with wine as dh is working tonight and am so hurt. sad

Jesus. Bloody autocorrect, and wine double apologies!

Chocoholic36 Thu 05-Jun-14 22:57:13

Oh my goodness you must be so upset - I know I would be. Have you spoken to DH? Have you thought about confronting the MIL?

Horsemad Thu 05-Jun-14 22:57:16

Confront or you'll seethe forever.

Rosa Thu 05-Jun-14 22:57:37

How terrible. Can you find Any alterrnative care and kind of let her know that you know what she said without actually saying it. Or have a face on fall out. I would be hurt and offended and not actually want my dd to be with her if its too much hassle...

PickledLilly Thu 05-Jun-14 22:58:16

shock nope, it would seem you're all clear to go absolutely bloody ballistic to me.

overthemill Thu 05-Jun-14 22:58:50

I don't understand the meeting someone else comment but maybe she was behaving like that to hide her love of looking after dgd from nasty friend? Or she's a cow

happystory Thu 05-Jun-14 22:59:26

You must be hurt, that's a horrible thing to hear, what a nasty piece of work, of course she would deny it if you raised it so I would keep my powder dry for a whole but watch her very carefully. Obviously not the lovely gm she would like to portray herself as. Hope your mum is ok.

3boys3dogshelp Thu 05-Jun-14 22:59:29

[Shock] I don't know what to say! No I don't think there is another way to take that conversation. What a nasty woman, hope you're OK. Have more wine wine

SilverShins Thu 05-Jun-14 23:03:42

Goodness how horrible for you! Has there previously been any indication that she feels this way?

I'm afraid I can't see that you misconstrued her meaning shock

trendytoes Thu 05-Jun-14 23:03:56

How horrible! I can't think of any other way to interpret that! And I couldn't not let her know that I'd heard her.
Is there anyone else who can mind your dd on a Friday?

EasterSundaySimmons Thu 05-Jun-14 23:04:35

That does sound very unpleasant. She may have offered to have her granddaughter every Friday, but has come to realise that she misses having a free Friday and rather than admit she should have thought it through before offering, she has made it seem like she has to do it!

I would tell her the truth. Say that you overhead what she said and that you are confused as to why she didn't say anything to you and that it is sad that you can't have a good relationship and be honest with how you feel to each other's faces. It may clear the air.

I do think its important that your husband tells her in no uncertain terms that he has no intention of meeting anyone else and she must respect you.

therealeasterbunny Thu 05-Jun-14 23:05:17

Oh my god, i'm amazed that you've managed to keep so calm, I am the least confrontational person in the world, and even i'd be going INSANE at your MIL by now! Poor you, that is so hurtful sad I'd be making alternative childcare arrangements if I were you, she doesn't deserve to have your DD if that's her attitude, and she doesn't deserve to have you in her life either, horrible woman.

Ownerofalittlechimp Thu 05-Jun-14 23:05:43

I'm sorry for being so blunt but what a total bitch, no wonder you are so upset.

Can't believe she said your mum can't be bothered, especially given she knows the situation & offered to look after your DD. Personally I would be looking for alternative care options.

Hope you are able to get it sorted x

fieldfare Thu 05-Jun-14 23:06:24

I'd go bloody mental and not be able to keep a lid on it. What has your dh got to say about his terribly hurtful and rude mother?!

I'm gutted. I thought we got on ok .

She was a bit of a Disney gran at first, lots of FB photos but rarely seeing dd (1st grandchild) for the first year, then a big improvement,.

Sil had a baby last year, that she now has 2 days a week, dd on a different day, but she has always said she loves having them, sad

She was a bit shock when dh and I got together, he was 24, I was 36, but she met fil when he was 22 and she was 34 so not much room to shout, and that was 5 years ago.

Dm is away til sat so no other childcare available for tomorrow.

I am so upset. sad

MonterayJack Thu 05-Jun-14 23:07:49

shock. What a piece of work. Here's more wine, some flowers and an unmumsnetty hug. So sorry you had to hear such a nasty, mean-spirited and bitchy conversation.

Jen1610 Thu 05-Jun-14 23:08:49

What an old witch, she called your daughter, her granddaughter 'bloody dgd' that's absolutely shocking.

My children use to go to my in laws whilst I workedthree days they absolutely didn't grudge it. Sadly and unfortunately my mil has been very ill for months now and so I've had to pay a childminder for two days a week. It's costing me a fortune but the way I see it is its only till they start school. I had no other option..If I were in your situation I'd be feeling the same. No option but to get alternative paid for childcare. There's no way I'd be sending my child to a relative who spoke like that of her and felt like she was a burden.

I'd firstly tell your husband. Secondly tomorrow morning straight away start looking for alternative care and thirdly tell her she's no longer needed and next time she's on the phone to you she should really make sure she's hung up . properly before she starts badmouthing you and moaning about caring for her granddaughter.

Dh doesn't know yet, he was at work til 7, came in, ate, went out to his second job 30 mins later.

I almost don't want to tell him, he will be so hurt.

eddielizzard Thu 05-Jun-14 23:09:33

i think i would sadly find other childcare.

how horrible for you. and your poor mum. i dunno about confronting her.

i might say something about how she's been so great these past couple of months you feel you're taking advantage and you're going to try and find another solution.

let her draw her own conclusions.

i have twisted things to suit myself in the past. i'm ashamed of it, but i have occasionally played the martyr. not my best moments. maybe she's trying to garner sympathy as the poor put upon mil?

Spinaroo Thu 05-Jun-14 23:10:14

You've had to stew on this horrible, horrible info do I would text her back, perhaps making reference to part of the conversation so she knows you heard but not how much- the leave her to stew.

The chances are she was moaning to a friend for the hell of it and didnt actually mean to be so nasty- just enjoying the martyrdom of it. The part about him finding someone else was just nasty, though! That's the part I would use in my message...

SilverShins Thu 05-Jun-14 23:11:59

How is your husband likely to react? I hope you can present a united front. She sounds awful. flowers

She's been badgering me since dd was 6 months old to try for another.

We both nearly died Ffs. I think this at the heart of her resentment tbh, dh is the last of an unusual name. sad

How awful, and what a cowbag sad Will you be able to speak to DH about it?

MrsRuffdiamond Thu 05-Jun-14 23:13:47

How hurtful. Especially if you thought your relationship with her was on a reasonable footing.

When you see her tomorrow I would just say, on leaving, "I think you ought to know that you didn't hang up properly yesterday after we spoke, and I heard your conversation with Sheila." Then just leave her to stew, and think about how she can make amends, hopefully! A grovelling apology at the very least.

Don't take it personally. By that, I mean she sounds like the archetypal nightmare MIL who would bitch about whoever her ds was with.

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