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DD has gone and so has he

(305 Posts)
buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:20:51

My dp left on Monday as we knew we weren't suited to each other. Due to my mental condition my parents phoned the police and my dd of 8 weeks is now staying with them.

I am broken, I knew I had PND but was trying to persevere. I have the doctors tomorrow. I'm trying so hard to get my daughter back. Any words of encouragement welcome.

SpringBreaker Wed 04-Jun-14 13:22:09

That sounds awful. Can you not stay with your parents too? Do you not have a friend who can come and stay with you?

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:25:55

Thank you for replying. I dont get on well with my parents but know they are the best people to take my daughter. My neighbour is coming to see me tonight. I miss my daughter so much but am trying to do the best thing for her. My HV didn't visit me for 3 weeks even though we were a high risk case (due to low birth weight of 5lb 14') and every day I just felt like I didn't love her enough. I'm due to see the doctor tomorrow.

EasterSundaySimmons Wed 04-Jun-14 13:28:23

Being left to your own devices may help you get some sleep and rest but it isn't going to help you or your daughter in the long run if you are separated.

You need supervised visits and help and support from your GP and whatever health resources are used for PND sufferers.

Your local MP may help you where you stand legally.

You are unwell not a bad person.

something2say Wed 04-Jun-14 13:29:00

Do you have a social worker who is helping you arrange contact with your baby - daily? I would imagine that a care plan will be put into place for you and baby and you MUST adhere to it and then cam probably get your baby back, unless there is a history of risk and harm, in which case it will be about contact with her. Do you have a counsellor or support worker, CMHT or anything?

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:29:29

am bumping this thread as I need to know I'm doing something, anything to care for my daughter. I feel like a failure to have let PND to affect me to this state.

nilbyname Wed 04-Jun-14 13:30:13


You are going to the doctors which is fantastic.

Are you BF'ing? Im not sure why they have taken her TBH, were you really not managing, and did you consent to it? Do they live close by? Could you with a friend go around and have a chat about making sure you see your DD?

I think you need some quite specialist and urgent help.

MTWTFSS Wed 04-Jun-14 13:30:33

It sounds to me like you have hit rock bottom and the only way now is up!!!

The doctor will put you on the right path to get you better. Slowly, everyday will be a little bit easier. You will get your daughter back!

nilbyname Wed 04-Jun-14 13:31:32

somethingtosay has put it better than me.

You need to see your baby.

It is an awful situation, but you are getting help, so keep doing that xx

Is there some sort of official order saying she has to go to your parents, or is this something they have decided to by themselves?

EasterSundaySimmons Wed 04-Jun-14 13:32:24

You did not ask to get PND, anything that effects our mind happens or us.

PND is no different from you slipping a disc in your back, both are conditions that prevent us from being able to function normally.

Please phone these people to get advice 0800 043 2031

MTWTFSS Wed 04-Jun-14 13:32:36

"I feel like a failure to have let PND to affect me to this state."

BULLSHIT!!! PND is a disgusting disorder that isn't your fault!!! Just focus on now and how you can get better!

Have you thought about contacting Pandas Foundation?, they offer support and advice for people experiencing PND. They are lovely.

Try and keep talking to your parents and visiting your baby whenever you can. And good luck with your GP tomorrow.

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:33:27

thank you for your replies. I have an early years worker who was round today with a social worker. They could see that the house was pristine tidy and that I just need extra help. They are going to take it from tomorrow's doctor's appointment as to what to do. The social worker said I am a million miles off losing my daughter and that PND isn't something to be ashamed of.

I will hopefully be seeing my daughter later on in the week. I just feel so bad for not making sure I am well enough to take care of her.

unrealhousewife Wed 04-Jun-14 13:35:05

Go and see your parents, tell them you are staying until you are better. Don't let yourself be separated unless you are a danger.

MTWTFSS Wed 04-Jun-14 13:35:23

"I just feel so bad for not making sure I am well enough to take care of her."

It is not possible to stop yourself getting PND. It is like saying you feel bad for getting a cold confused

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:37:23

thank you for the contact numbers. I am trying to stop crying. I put more of her clothes together for the social worker to take to my mum.

Every time I looked at my dd I couldn't feel the love I was supposed to feel. I felt like I was faking it towards anyone that was round visiting. She's met all her milestones at 8 weeks and smiles constantly but I just dont feel like I love her as I should. It is the most destructive feeling.

Oh Buddha ((hugs)) you sound rock bottom.

PND is a bastard sad

Ok - do you have a social worker/ MH Team support ?
Do you have daily access to your daughter?
Can I ask what drove your parents to call the police?

It sounds like you are desperate for help & to get your daughter back. I hope you get both.
Sending you strength

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:40:10

I voluntarily gave her up to my parents as I knew I wasn't coping. I just cant understand why my head isn't filled with the love it should be for her.

Fideliney Wed 04-Jun-14 13:40:23

I'm not sure guilt is a very useful or applicable notion in relation to PND buddha. You didn't choose PND did you? And it isn't really something that is easily avoidable.

Try to drop the guilt and concentrate on practical, positive steps towards the future. The SW sounds very supportive, which is great news.

MerlotforOne Wed 04-Jun-14 13:42:25

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I understand that you want the best for your baby, but this situation won't help either you or your baby. This counts as a medical emergency. Call your GP now and insist on speaking to the on call Dr today. If you really can't get through, call your HV and leave a message that you need to speak to someone TODAY, or go along to your nearest walk-in centre. If your PND is so severe that you're unable to care for your daughter, then you need urgent assessment by the specialist post-natal mental health team in your area.

Babies should NOT be removed from their mums due to PND. There should be intensive support available for you at home, and if that's not enough then specialist inpatient units exist where PND sufferers can be admitted with their babies and get help, support and care along with their babies. Is your HV aware that your parents have removed your baby?

PND is NOT YOUR FAULT, it can happen to anyone and is an illness that no-one would choose to have. You deserve compassion, respect and help to allow you to continue to care for and bond with your baby whilst getting the support you need to recover. Please make that call. X

It will get better, you are getting help. It's not your fault, you could not prevent it.

Do you know why your parents call the police? Did you hand over your daughter to them, was this your idea? How did this come about?

You need access to your daughter. Are your parents cooperating?


Fideliney Wed 04-Jun-14 13:43:11

buddha it is a greetings card company myth that 'love' switches on like a tap the second you give birth.

Lots of parents say it is something that builds slowly over time, starting with a protective instinct. She's only 8 weeks old. Give yourself a chance flowers

buddhasbelly Wed 04-Jun-14 13:44:25

My parents called the police after my partner left and they knew I wasn't coping. The police had seen there were all the sterilised bottles that were needed after I stopped BF and that there was plenty of formula in. I can't stand mess so the place has been immaculate but I just found it so difficult to hold and comfort her. She is beautiful and sleeps well so I just don't know how I let it get this far.

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