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I have lost my looks. Have you?

(145 Posts)
reallyshakenup Wed 04-Jun-14 09:33:31

I used to be reasonably attractive. However gradually over the past couple of years I seem to have lost my looks. I was comparing photos of me taken recently to last year and my god I've changed. My hair is lank and thin, my face is pale and well lifeless, I seem to be carrying loads of weight round my stomach and generally looks awful.

I was on depo provera for over a year and stopped having the injection last August. I blamed this for my weight gain and I've since read it can make your hair thinner. I've started eating healthily, cut out alcohol, drinking more water and doing more exercise. I have had my hair cut to give it more life and bought lots of skin creams and make up to try and rejuvenate my face.

None of it has worked. I'm consumed with worry right now about my job, my DH's job (fear of redundancy) and money worries so I'm wondering if this constant gnawing anxiety I have all the time plus lack of sleep (my dc is still up several times a night) is another reason why I look so awful.

I know in the scheme of things it shouldn't matter but it's really affecting my confidence. Has anyone else lost their looks and were you able to get them back?

pleaseaffixstamps Wed 04-Jun-14 09:39:03

Nope, lost 'em! I pay more attention to my grooming now that I needed to when younger, but am not too worried about it. I might look better if I lost some weight, but I'm never going to look younger.

I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do (though I'm not trying to minimise how bad it is making you feel). One brilliant bit of advice I heard recently that I haven't yet done: get a friend (or a studio if you can afford it) to take a few good pics of you now. I used to worry all the time about how plain I was when I was in my twenties, and I now look back and think omg I was lovely and had no idea. The suggestion is that we will look at photos of ourselves at 40 when we are 80, and wonder why we ever thought we looked so bad!

Dwerf Wed 04-Jun-14 09:42:06

I look better now than I did six or seven years ago. I lost a bit of weight, started cutting my hair short and dyeing it. I looked awful in my late twenties, fat and tired and depressed. Actually, sometimes I'm still those things, but I do look better.But then, I've never been that good looking anyway.

Yep, lost 'em.

Now takes wearing make up and doing something with my hair to be able to leave the house

I got looked at (not in a good way) when I popped to a shop in my gardening clothes and boots yesterday. Was wet, hair scraped back, no make up and fairly thick sunscreen as was outside a while.

I looked dreadful au naturel sad

Today it's taken me an hour of fussing to be ok for work. And I mean just ok. If I had to go further than work I should probably up the make up quota a little bit.

Nonie241419 Wed 04-Jun-14 09:47:12

They're on their way out. It's a bit of a shame because I didn't really grow into my looks until my mid twenties, and they're rapidly disappearing in my late thirties. At least I have some pics to show I looked quite nice for a while.

ouryve Wed 04-Jun-14 09:48:44

I never really had any to lose.

CountBapula Wed 04-Jun-14 09:50:39

I've definitely noticed it since I had DS2 a couple of months ago. I look pretty haggard and my shape's completely changed so my nice clothes don't fit anymore sad

I still have nice hair but I'm too knackered to do much with it and it usually has sick in it anyway

Hoping this is just a temporary postnatal state but it'll take a lot of time and willpower to get back to vaguely how I was.

PlantsAndFlowers Wed 04-Jun-14 09:50:40

How long ago odd you have kids? I lost my looks after pregnancy - sort of drained looking but they came back.

Weight going on your middle rather than all over is very ageing and I have made a big effort to get rid, I find putting on half a stone these days ages me by 20 years.

I've found the opposite with weight for me - the only reason I don't look haggard is because I'm actually fat grin

Smooths out the wrinkles

nilbyname Wed 04-Jun-14 09:53:48

I feel like you do, and it takes much more of an effort to loo nice.

I make sure...

nails are clean and filed, with clear polish on them. Hand cream and cuticle cream applied a few times a day.

standing appointment for eyebrow wax

hair cut and coloured regularly

i give myself a pedicure every week, and go to bed with vaseilene (sp?) slathered all over my feet a couple of times a month

sea salt spray and dry shampoo to give hair extra texture and volume. Also helps with putting hair up.

Accessories help pull and outfit together. Look on pinterest for inspiration.

Sorry to hear you are feeling stressed, would yoga or meditation help?

reallyshakenup Wed 04-Jun-14 09:53:51

plants had last child almost 3 years ago and can't shift the 'baby' weight round my middle. Have cut out wheat to try and help with this but its soul destroying doing exercise, eating healthy, no alcohol etc and the weight still won't shift!

Osmiornica Wed 04-Jun-14 09:57:42

Nope, never had them in the first place.

ohforfoxsake Wed 04-Jun-14 09:59:27

Oh god yes I am deteriorating rapidly with age. Over weight, knackered all the time. Just got glasses. I go to the gym, get my hair cut and coloured properly, wear eyelashes and get my legs waxed (all new things for me). But then I have horrible clothes and loathe shopping. I can't be arsed. I used to be arsed.

HecatePropylaea Wed 04-Jun-14 09:59:57

I've always had a face like a bulldog sucking piss off a lemon so not much to lose, really. I tell myself that it is personality and kindness of spirit that matters grin

I am sure you are still lovely. Don't be so hard on yourself. x

TulipOHare Wed 04-Jun-14 10:02:25

Yes, they are going! I can't even put my finger on what it is exactly, but I look quite ordinary most of the time now. I think it is fat redistribution - face losing plumpness and fat migrating to bum and thighs. If I want to be slimmer (which I do, as feel very frumpy as a 10-12) my face loses out. It's the old "face or arse" thing, I suppose. I always thought I'd choose face, but I really do not like myself at a size 12 confused

Also have fine nose-to-mouth lines that bother me quite a bit, plus general tired / dull skin and eye circles caused by staying up too late and lots of stress. I look basically OK with make-up on.

Ffs Hecate - don't tell me I need a personality as well

Trojanhouse Wed 04-Jun-14 10:03:54

I refuse to lose my looks.
I don't smoke or drink .
Sometimes , it just takes a bit of effort , but there are some very lazy women who can't be bothered to make the effort

'Refuse' hmm

Wot, like Joan Collins?

Cocolepew Wed 04-Jun-14 10:10:40

Yep. I have photos on my kitchen notice board from last may and I would say I have aged a good 7 years since then.
My hair was longer then, I was fatter but looked ok. Since then I have been diagnosed with an auto immune disease and have been pretty ill on and off . My hair thinned so much I had to go for a pixie cut (which I don't mind, I've had short hair before ). But it still looks a bit shitty.

The main thing seems to be my eyes, they are always so puffy and my eyelids have drooped which cracks me up.

I still wear make up etc. But just don't feel like me anymore , if that makes sense?

DoctorHfuhruhurr Wed 04-Jun-14 10:11:06

I feel a bit silly doing this, despite my name I am in no way a medical professional, I am merely in the middle of an OU module in human biology, but...

Weight gain around your middle is a symptom of high levels of cortisol, which could be a result of your levels of stress at the moment, but I think it may be worth a trip to your GP to see if anything else is going on with your hormones.

Cocolepew Wed 04-Jun-14 10:11:57

God what a self pitying post <slaps self>blush

Good for you Trojan hmm

BeeBlanket Wed 04-Jun-14 10:15:11

I can relate to this. I can look OK with effort and make-up and a nice dress. On a normal, style-rut day I can look shocking. I can arrange my features in the mirror and think I look not bad, but when I see a photo of myself caught unawares I hate it - double chin, jowls and boring hair.

Having said that I try not to think about it much and I do still enjoy dressing up for an occasion. It would be nice to have the time to make a bit more effort every day, but I just don't atm. However I do think the exhaustion of young DC, shortage of sleep, busy work life etc all combined take a toll and at least we can look forward to that improving.

SquidgyMummy Wed 04-Jun-14 10:15:21

Yes - worst was I came back from holiday earlier this year and twice (same trip) immigration made me sign as I didn't look like my passport photo. shock blush

I have definitely aged since having DS, I could pass for early thirties till I was almost 40, when I had him, now I feel like I have aged 15 years in the last 5.

So I guess I just have to make a bit more effort,with the gymn, eating properly as my looks are mainly there under the fat and appearing grey hairs

DP is exactly the same age and has actually improved with age.... Grrr

reallyshakenup Wed 04-Jun-14 10:19:51

doctor thanks for your advice! I think the weight gain is hormone related but I've been blaming it on depo. Everything I've read suggests depo causes huge weight gain in over 70% of women on it. But maybe I should be thinking about stress/cortisol levels.

Cocolepew Wed 04-Jun-14 10:24:39

I agree with the stress /fat belly thing.
Though going gluten free definitely helped mine , even though my stress levels are through the roof <glares at teenager DDs>

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