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Did you move your children from state to private education and regret it?

(31 Posts)
barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 09:27:29

I moved two of my children from state primary to private prep and then on to the private senior school attached. One is still at state primary (year 3). Dh is keen for her to move to the private school in the next year or so.

I don't want her to.

I have to say that although both children that have gone through the private prep are confident and very happy, I don't see a huge increase in their educational achievement. Sports and drama, yes, but I don't think its worth the extra cost. Dc3 is very happy at state primary and seems to be achieving academically and enjoys the busy mixed classes.

The only immediate difference is a snobbish one really - she just doesn't have the same RP accent that my two other children seem to have developed going to private school!!

Anyone else not really feeling the private school benefit at primary?

MissMilbanke Wed 04-Jun-14 09:30:05


do what you think is best for your child.

how are a hundred replies from strangers on the internet going to influence your decision about your child ?

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 09:32:23

if she was your only DC then I would say keep her there. But how are you going to explain to her in years to come that you didn't feel her education was worth it but her siblings' was?

Sorry, but at this point unless you move all of them to State, you need to treat them equally.

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 09:37:34

Thanks MissMilbanke. I am sure you could apply that logic to every thread on here. Maybe you do, sorry.

HayDay - I think she is getting a BETTER education at the moment!

HortenMarket Wed 04-Jun-14 10:04:45

I fully understand choosing the right school for the individual child. I moved my DD from state to private prep and it was the absolute best thing for her. However, I am not sure I would be comfortable with having one in state and one in primary, because there will inevitably be conclusions drawn by your kids at some point. I had to move DD. State went into special measures and before that she was really left languishing. However we are moving next to an amazing state next month but I will still put DD2 into private because I have to give them the same start. When it comes to secondary they may end up in different schools - either grammar if they make it and its right for them or private if that is the best one, or also the outstanding secondary we will be in catchment for.

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 10:15:00

I've actually never even considered that one may feel that they didn't get the opportunites of the others. Dc3 never seems keen to go to the prep.

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 10:40:21

At Year 3, no they wouldn't be. But a stroppy 18 year old applying for universities will be a very different matter.

I'm sorry, but no matter how good a state school is, they don't have the ability to have small class sizes like private schools. It is highly unlikely that staying in the State system will advantage her academically. It might give her a broader social group, but she will not have the same type of friends as your other DC. What do you think that will do to their future relationship?

Seriously, you can't do this!!!!

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 10:44:54

My 'plan' is to keep her at state until year 7 when she will go privately. The others went in year 4.

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 10:46:33

Will she need to sit an entrance exam to go to the new school at that point? Is there a chance that she won't get a place if she has to? (How busy are they, are positions given on an academic basis, is there a preference system for siblings...)

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 10:48:12

One of the school parents who works in a private school has told me that at Yr 3, there is no difference in academic achievement between state and private.

By Yr 7 it can be up to a year's difference in ability.....

Now granted, this won't be true of ALL state schools, but it's not a risk I'd be willing to take.

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 10:48:42

yes she will get a place I am sure it is non selective smile

Swannery Wed 04-Jun-14 10:54:32

I'd keep her in state primary. I have one in state primary, the other in private. In lots of ways I prefer the way they teach at state primary - there's more room for creativity and fun. And a wider range of classmates, in terms of social class and ethnicity and nationality, and more of them, so easier to choose friends. If she's happy in state don't move her just so that she has the exact same experience as her siblings. Moving at Yr 7 stage makes sense if your local secondaries are not great. And you can do music and drama and so on to a higher level outside of school.
My siblings and I all had very different educational experiences, and no one thought to whinge about it at any stage. If she whinges at age 18, she'll just be whinging for the sake of it.

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 10:57:35

yes swannery, she does lots of sport out of school so doesnt miss out on that, and I love all the art and things they seem to do at her state primary. They do almost no art at all at the private prep :-(

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 11:03:26

Hardly any art? wow, that's not on at all!

The prep I'm sending my DSs too has fabulous art, far better than any local state school, far more choices of sports, music, classes of half the size, etc...

(Not to mention the state schools being in and out of special measures over the last few years....)

For me it's a no brainer.

But if the difference between the two schools for you is not like that.....

HortenMarket Wed 04-Jun-14 11:05:29

Yes I would agree that any complaints will probably only rear their ugly heads when kids are much older or even as adults asking you why you made those particular choices. (We always get something wrong as parents!!) Will you be able to say honestly to them you felt you made the right choices given the circumstances? If so, fine. If that conversation may make you uncomfortable, well then, things might need to be addressed now.

poshfrock Wed 04-Jun-14 11:05:55

Well I'm one of 5 children, 3 of us were privately educated ( from years 7-13) and 2 weren't . My parents based this decision on whether they felt each individual child would benefit and enjoy the private experience. Neither of my 2 brothers who didn't go privately have ever indicated to my siblings or my parents that they were dissatisfied with this arrangement ( and we are all very close siblings).

Of the 5 of us 4 went to University. The one who was state educated got a better degree result (2i) than my sister who was privately educated (2ii). We all went to Russell Group Unis. My sister has also developed a very broad Brummie accent after attending Uni there and living and working there for the last 17 years. My brothers and I all have the same fairly non-descript East Midlands accent.

Career-wise : I'm a lawyer, two brothers and sister are teachers and one brother works in family business.

If you're interested in future earnings ( as parents who send their kids private invariably seem to be) then of the 5 my sister ( now a deputy head) earns the most.

And the person in the family who earns more than her is my DH who was state educated, didn't go to Uni and is a police inspector.

I think you know what's best for your child OP and you should let that be your guide. Her future will be whatever she makes it.

weatherall Wed 04-Jun-14 11:07:04

Your plan sounds fine.

HortenMarket Wed 04-Jun-14 11:11:07

If your heading for private secondary for all then essentially, I wouldn't worry. Especially if DC3 is happy where they are.

MalcolmTuckerIsMyHERO Wed 04-Jun-14 11:11:15

There is a big age gap between me and my sister. She didn't do well at state school and left with one GCE, in drama... my mum decided to send me private so I would have a better chance of doing well (?) I did go on to college then uni and am now in a professional career.
My sis has done well buy no collage or uni...

She always "jokes" that I was tge golden child because I went to private school.
I'm sure it does bother her a bit or she wouldn't "joke" iyswim. ..

I know personally that there is NO WAY I would have done as well in the state because my school was single sex. If boys had been around I would have never knuckled down! I didn't do an awful lot anyway so any distraction would have been bad!

So, I guess you need to be very sure she is doing better than she would private otherwise she may feel you paid for tge others why not her?....

BeckAndCall Wed 04-Jun-14 11:12:22

I think your plan sounds fine, too. Leave your youngest at state primary unless you're unhappy with it then move her at secondary.

Our eldest went to a prep from 7 but the younger two went to a brilliant state primary. There wasn't a place there for the eldest but we moved closer between DC1 and DC2 applying.

I'd find it more difficult to think through if your weren't proposing private secondary though.

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Wed 04-Jun-14 11:13:44

Is it because of costs that you may keep your DC3 at state primary?

culturemulcher Wed 04-Jun-14 11:14:39

It might give her a broader social group, but she will not have the same type of friends as your other DC


Interesting social commentary there.

barbarnarna Wed 04-Jun-14 11:17:11

no not just costs

they have offered us a 50% discount for dd3

but she is so happy at state, i love it now there is a new head, we can walk there and the kids in her class are nice :-)

ChickenFajitasAndNachos Wed 04-Jun-14 11:23:05

I think the idea of keeping her at the state primary school is fine. The only problem I can see as a possibility is that she won't want to go to a different (private) secondary school to lots of her friends and the adjustment of moving from a state to private school may be greater at age 11 than 7ish.

HayDayQueen Wed 04-Jun-14 11:24:18

Interesting social commentary there.

Perhaps it is. But I don't think either is better, but the fact that they are DIFFERENT will be harder.

You won't share friends as easily, not as many 'family' friendships are able to develop.

You don't have an 'inherited' social group - ie with DS2 one of the mums and I have agreed to share some school drop offs and pick ups of DS2 and her DD2, we developed this friendship with our DS1s.

Because the children are all at the same school, they know each other and are 'group' friends out of school, even though DS2 and her DD2 are in different year groups.

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