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Stuff every Dad should know??

(36 Posts)
TheKitch Wed 04-Jun-14 07:05:55

Just spotted a book advertised on Twitter - 'Stuff every Dad should know' bit.ly/1pA36sK.

What should every Dad know??

Piratejones Wed 04-Jun-14 07:11:28

Same thing every mum should know....

steppemum Wed 04-Jun-14 07:13:54

exactly pirate

how to cook a meal, where the dcs clothes, shoes, school stuff are, how to make packed lunches that all 3 like and will eat, how to get reluctant child to do what you want, how to work the washing machine.

etc etc

steppemum Wed 04-Jun-14 07:19:14

(may possibly be suffering from touched nerve as I am away and dh is home with kids and people keep asking me if he is ok with kids)

MrsKCastle Wed 04-Jun-14 07:19:52

That once you are a parent, that is it for life. You can't stop being a parent, opt out because it's tough or take a break when something else comes up.

Trapper Wed 04-Jun-14 07:19:58

As a father myself... I agree with pirate jones.

I suppose the book should have some more practical advice about teenage girls and puberty, as men would not have experienced this first hand. It should also focus on birth (and post-birth) from a birth parter and supporting perspective.

TheKitch Wed 04-Jun-14 07:20:15

Yes, I agree. They definitely need to know how to do all the practical stuff.

But do they need to do something more? Is the notion of a father, intrinsically any different to that of a mother? Or by saying for example - Dad's should show their children responsibility, are we subscribing to patriarchal views of parenthood?

What about the notion that a father needs to show his children a good male role model?

steppemum Wed 04-Jun-14 07:24:41

Actually, the one thing that I think a man should do for his kids, is show them how to treat women as equals and with respect. It isn't I suppose just about men/women, but to grow up seeing adults treat it other properly is the foundation of all their relationships in the future.

Piratejones Wed 04-Jun-14 07:27:52

What about the notion that a father needs to show his children a good male role model

No different to a mother being a good role model.

Or by saying for example - Dad's should show their children responsibility, are we subscribing to patriarchal views of parenthood?

Not sure what you mean here to be honest, all parents should "show their children responsibility". Unless you are implying men normally don't, which is totally bizarre.

Piratejones Wed 04-Jun-14 07:29:33

Actually, the one thing that I think a man should do for his kids, is show them how to treat women as equals and with respect.

But surely it's the same as women, they should be teaching to respect equally too.
the notion that men won't do this is stupid.

Trapper Wed 04-Jun-14 07:38:34

Steppemum - I buy your book! I suspect my wife would too grin

I took our 12 month old and 1 week old to Westfield and was juggling nappy changing in the parents room and I got lots if comments from mums about how brave I was. I felt like a circus novelty act at one point! Had I been a mother, I suspect no one would have batted an eyelid...

Piratejones Wed 04-Jun-14 07:43:04

OMG, a MAN of the MALE variety changing a nappy????

Hakluyt Wed 04-Jun-14 07:43:08

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to show that he thinks their mother-and all other women- are his equals on all levels- both at home and in society. And to live his life according to that principle.

Piratejones Wed 04-Jun-14 07:44:28

Trapper i've reported your post as it's clearly made up, changing a nappy indeed!

EmotionalCrotch Wed 04-Jun-14 07:48:42

OMG, a MAN of the MALE variety changing a nappy????

grin

TheKitch Wed 04-Jun-14 07:55:24

Ha!

I always send DH off to do nappy changes when we're out and about. And now that I know that it's practically a public service for other men to see dads nappy changing, I will have to make sure it continues. grin

carolinecupcake Wed 04-Jun-14 07:56:38

Definitely treating women as equals and not assuming that everything domestic is 'women's' work.And how to cope with teenage daughters!

whattheseithakasmean Wed 04-Jun-14 07:57:14

I remind my DH that the relationships our DDs have in the future will be heavily influenced by him. A father of daughters does have a big responsibility, because their understanding and expectations of men will be heavily influenced by the major masculine figure in their life - especially if they don't have brothers.

Hakluyt Wed 04-Jun-14 08:23:07

"I always send DH off to do nappy changes when we're out and about."

At the risk of sounding like a humourless feminist- this sentence sums up the issue perfectly.............

(Sorry, TheKitch, don't mean to pick on you)

whattheseithakasmean Wed 04-Jun-14 08:51:02

Doesn't is just Hakluyt - plainly we still have a long road to genuine shared parenting.

Mrsjayy Wed 04-Jun-14 08:53:05

Who their friends are my husband is guilty if dd2 says oh jane was saying he has no clue who jane is,

TheKitch Wed 04-Jun-14 09:23:40

Hakluyt - True. We don't have shares parenting. I'm a SAHM, so when DH is around I do end up telling him what needs doing a lot of the time. If I didn't a) I'd end up martyr-like doing everything myself or b) DS would get his needs ignored

Hakluyt Wed 04-Jun-14 09:37:01

But why do you have to tell him? Is he stupid, heartless or uncaring? Obviously not. So why do you have to tell him- or at least tell him more than once?

Dwerf Wed 04-Jun-14 09:38:57

What Pirate said, with bells on.

I'm a single parent, but at the weekends my girls go to their dad's and he's the single parent. He's every bit as capable as I am. He's a great dad.

Maybe by 'good male role model' the pp means 'shows the kids that he's every bit as capable and as nurturing as mum', that it's not unmasculine to change nappies and do laundry and the rest of the housework. I guess I was fortunate in that I have a father who despite working 7 days a week (and can't cook, he'd live off jam butties) was always willing to give cuddles, to buy tampax, to give advice. I don't think 'parent' really has a gender once you get past the obviously female biological stuff at the beginning (birth and breastfeeding). Or shouldn't have, anyway.

Trapper Wed 04-Jun-14 10:09:30

Many men and women find parenting hard. Many women struggle establishing routines etc. it is even harder if you are at work all day and your partner is SAHP. They get all the on-the-job training and define the parenting routines. The working parent has to pick these up around work and generally have to adhere to SAHPs routines (for practical reasons) rather than shaping their own.
I was quite lucky (with hindsight) to have been made redundant just before we had our first child. It meant I had two months at home with him and my partner. I think this time learning to parent together has shaped our parenting model. It shouldn't be surprising that parents who have worked full time from birth do not always pick up on the same cues and routines as the parent who has dedicated 6 months plus to learning how it all works.
If course I acknowledge there are lazy dads too, and rubbish ones. It isn't always that cut-and-dry though.

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