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I’ve had to sedate my 6 year old…

(88 Posts)
Piratejones Thu 22-May-14 15:37:26

They have been prescribed and I’ve done it a few times before, so don’t worry I’ve not overdosed him on calpol or antihistamines, but I feel physically sick with worry and guilt.
He needs them as he can’t cope with the storms, to the point of a fully on meltdown and self harming (banging his head on the floor / wall, it’s not nice.

It never gets easier to do and I never feel all right about doing it, I actually feel disgusted with myself, I wish I could sit and comfort him but I can’t and it makes me feel like a failure. I can’t help feeling shielding him from it isn’t going to help him overcome the issue, I tell myself it’s not a case of keeping him quiet or getting him out of the way, it really is used for his own protection, but if that was 100% true I wouldn’t feel so guilty.
I should be able to find a way to comfort him through it.

listsandbudgets Thu 22-May-14 15:42:11

Pirate it sounds like you've followed medical advixe to deal wth an extremely difficult situation. You clearly feel awful about it but I think you'd feel a lot worse if he hurt himself as a result of his reaction and you'd NOT taken the sensible steps you have to stop him. Sometimes when children (and adults) reach a certain stage we can't really do much to reach them and comfort them so sadly for their own safety we have to take other steps to calm them down.

He'll be calmer in a bit because you did the right thing. Well done. Sit down and have a cup of tea now while youve got a chance then give him a big cuddle in a bit.

NatashaBee Thu 22-May-14 15:43:14

Could your GP refer him for CBT or similar to help him develop some coping mechanisms?

OneWaySystemBlues Thu 22-May-14 15:43:47

If he needs them and you've been prescribed them, then try not to feel guilty. In the middle of a storm isn't the time to be working on his fears - perhaps it's something that can be worked on gradually by talking about it when it's not stormy, finding out why storms happen and what makes the noise etc, building up to watching videos of storms on the internet etc. I can understand how you feel - we always think we're doing a bad job as parents, when the truth is you're doing the best you can at the moment and you're just trying to get through. When things are calmer and the weather is fine, and when you're both feeling stronger, then that is the time to work on it - perhaps with some help from a therapist?

My son is 17 and has ASD and hates storms too - they make him really anxious even now - the most difficult thing is they are so unpredictable - you don't know when they're coming.

Have a brew and sit with him until it's over and he's awake again.

HavantGuard Thu 22-May-14 15:52:39

You're sedating him even though it makes you feel shitty? You're being a good mother and putting his needs first.

Hedgehog80 Thu 22-May-14 15:55:08

Don't feel bad, you have done the right thing with a prescribed medicine. It is for his own good thanks

PrincessBabyCat Thu 22-May-14 15:55:42

You're sedating him even though it makes you feel shitty? You're being a good mother and putting his needs first.

This.

thanks

GenerationX2 Thu 22-May-14 15:58:31

oh I'm sorry - please don't feel guilty you are doing what is right for your DS.

I know you must feel terrible but have done the right thing. it's not a nice choice to have made but it's the right one. Don't feel guilty, you've done your best for your DS, put his needs first and given him the help he needs right now. thanks brew

Does he have ASD? It's been terrible in my class (special needs) today. One of my little lads was beside himself with terror and could not be comforted. I ended up with him in the ballpool room with music on at full blast (no windows to see the storm) until he finally relaxed and then fell asleep from overload.

You did what he needed...don't feel guilty!

Piratejones Thu 22-May-14 16:29:40

He's learning coping mechanisms for things and he's doing so well ,but it all goes out of the window and he goes to pieces in storms.

He doesn't have an ASD, he has a series of issues caused by his abusive childhood.
I don't think i will ever be okay with this, something about it just seems so horrible to me. I have no ideas for alternative ways to deal with the problem but there must be a way that lets him be in control of the situation.

crispyporkbelly Thu 22-May-14 16:52:12

Better for him to be calm, love

Booboostoo Thu 22-May-14 17:43:04

You did the best thing for him. It's no one's fault other techniques are not working at the moment, hopefully they will help in time, and if this is what works then you have helped him cope which is the main thing.

BlackeyedSusan Thu 22-May-14 17:46:34

he probably needs to practice on mildly stressful situations, not full on thiunderstorms that stress him out completely. here: brew

Xihha Thu 22-May-14 18:07:57

That must be horrible but please don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing the best thing for him. You wouldn't have been prescribed sedatives if he didn't really need them and its a lot better than letting him hurt himself.

Corygal Thu 22-May-14 18:12:46

Please don't worry, you did entirely the right, kind thing. Your poor little DS and poor you - hope you're both feeling better now. Take it easy tonight.

HavantGuard Thu 22-May-14 18:18:31

Once he reaches the level of anxiety that means you need to sedate him there really isn't any other option. When you're terrified and your body is pumped full of adrenaline it's gone past the point where most coping techniques would be any help.

Have you looked at mindfulness? It is used to treat anxiety and is being used in schools to help children. www.telegraph.co.uk/health/wellbeing/10694775/Why-does-the-Government-want-to-teach-mindfulness-in-schools.html
Obviously he's very young but it sounds like something that might help him.

WowOoo Thu 22-May-14 18:18:48

He needs some way of copying with things NOW during the storm and you've calmed him down. So, you've done what you think is right.
It 's going to affect everybody around him and I may well have done the same as you.

I cannot imagine what it would be like. My grandmother used to lock herself away during a storm. It was her way of coping. I didn't understand at the time, but she'd been through a war.
I have to stop my kids running outside during a storm, they get so excited. Nuts!

He can't control nature, but he can control how he reacts to it. I'd tell him again and again the best ways to stay safe, coping mechanisms for staying as calm as possible, what to do in a very rare emergency situation etc. I hope he's OK. Knowledge is power, things will get better with time. flowers

OneWaySystemBlues Thu 22-May-14 18:22:16

What is it specifically about storms? Is it the noise? Would ear defenders help? I'd go with what others recommend - CBT is really good for this sort of thing.

WowOoo Thu 22-May-14 18:24:17

Good idea Oneway! We used to put music on loud (louder than the noise outside at least) for my grandmother and distract her by singing and dancing.

Piratejones Thu 22-May-14 19:00:06

It stems from him being locked out of his house in a thunderstorm, while his mum was passed out inside, I only found this out in a therapy session recently.
He doesn't like any shouting or loud noises, so this is also part of it. We used to get melt downs at the cinema and in the school playground but he's able to cope in those situations much better now, (if he does find it overwhelming he’s taken to a quiet room).

Canthisonebeused Thu 22-May-14 19:18:30

flowers OP. It very much sounds like the right thing to do for your DS and 100% for his own safety. Maybe this so eying that will not always need to happen but for now you are doing what your DS needs.

NatashaBee Thu 22-May-14 19:19:53

sad poor little boy. That's awful. Better to sedate him than to subject him to that level of stress, I can understand why it's necessary.

Lilybensmum1 Thu 22-May-14 19:29:09

I can understand how you must feel so awful about this but, reading your posts it's clear how much you love your DS I'm guessing the consequences of not sedating would be far worse.

Your clearly a fab mum and as parents we have to make difficult decisions even if they hurt us.

It sounds like it was the kindest thing to do so well done for stepping up to the mark.

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered Thu 22-May-14 19:45:13

You did the right thing of course. Obviously this isn't the same situation, but in terms of guilt at not being able to comfort, DD1 used to suffer from night terrors every night when she was around 3 years old, and nothing I did would comfort her, she would scream and scream with fright, it was so upsetting to watch and I tried to calm her but when she was in this state I couldn't 'reach' her. I remember how awful that feeling was, the fact that I simply couldn't comfort her. Cuddles, words, nothing helped and I felt like a failure. It's a horrible feeling, not being able to comfort your child.

I'm wondering if your son would take comfort from learning all about the weather and how storms are created and what thunder actually is, the science of rainclouds etc. We have a book all about the weather, my DD's are often telling me all sorts of facts about precipitation (!). I wonder if he'd enjoy reading all about the weather, and understanding what a storm is.

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