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Just found out my husband is a cheating shit, help me get through the night

(23 Posts)
MissPennySweet Sun 11-May-14 02:01:42

Got a thread on relationships but posting here for traffic.

Any tips on how to get through the night? Just kicked my previously amazing DH out for a full blown affair. My world is crumbling.

As an aside, the relationships girls are amazing thanks

MissPennySweet Sun 11-May-14 02:06:37

My eyes are sore but my head is spinning

MamaMumra Sun 11-May-14 02:09:21

He penny, love. Just saw your other thread
How awful what a fucker.
You WILL get through this. I'm up for a little bit thanks

MamaMumra Sun 11-May-14 02:10:39

You've done the right thing kicking him out. Just hold on to that thought. You should feel so proud of yourself making that decision.

He is a bastard and you deserve better x

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 11-May-14 02:10:54

Do you have DCs?

ComfyLeatherChair Sun 11-May-14 02:36:13

Penny I've read your thread.,I so sorry you're going through this. Keep strong, you deserve way better.

EasterSundaySimmons Sun 11-May-14 06:40:56

You will get through it.

It is absolutely vile to have this happen to you and it will take a while to heal but you will heal.

MammaTJ Sun 11-May-14 07:22:50

I didn't even have the honour of throwing my cheating bastard out. He left me, plaming me and telling me all my failings, having had an affair for the previous 6 months.

It got better though, I met my DP a year later, had two more DC and now have his full support to do a nursing degree.

It will get better for you. You have been incredibly strong, stay that strong and you will get through it.

MissPennySweet Sun 11-May-14 07:23:40

I managed to he a few hours sleep but woke up feeling physically sick. I was hoping id sleep through most of today sad

Only1scoop Sun 11-May-14 07:24:55

What time is your mum heading over? Will she be staying?

Hope she can

Busymumto3dc Sun 11-May-14 07:25:28

How awful op

How old are your dc? Are they with you!

Alchemist Sun 11-May-14 07:29:14

Oh honey, I am sorry this is happening but I promise you will get through it. I didn't believe it possible but it is thanks.

hesterton Sun 11-May-14 07:30:24

Sleep sort of goes out the window at the start. So does appetite and the ability to think of anything else but the pain.

You kind of have to go with it really. Accept that like a flesh wound, you have to heal from the bottom up, not just superficially over the top of it. And that takes a bit of time.

Let yourself grieve what he has taken from you. Don't let it negate what you believe the relationship once was ; people reinvent their relationship stories to justify their affairs. They also try to find reasons why it's not their fault. Don't let this dick and his pathetic emails to his poor half-his-age dupe do anything to your self worth or your self esteem.

Hope your mum is with you soon.

For now just keep remembering what he did and the anger will keep you going. Cry as much as you need to, I also found screaming obscenities at a photo of him very helpful for venting my frustration and upset. After a couple of weeks you will have to decide if you are prepared to have him back, and whether you can trust him again. If you can't, then work out the practicalities of who is having children and when, support payments and finally, find yourself a hobby for your no kids days (they are what I find hardest)
This time last year I was about 1 week into the process of kicking him out (took another 3 weeks before he could finally move into rented) now I'm a year on, 1000 times happier than I was when I was with him, kids are doing ok, I'm managing fine and I've just started online dating, which is amusing and is at least grown up conversation!

Donki Sun 11-May-14 07:37:04

Yes- hold onto this. It is NOT your fault.
He has not honoured the commitment he made to you.
Whatever he thinks was going wrong with the relationship, the right thing to do is to talk to your spouse and work on it. That is what he promised when he married you. NOT have an affair. Not betray the person he made solemn promises to. Not to lie and cheat. Those were all his choices. He is the only one to blame for the affair.

Donki Sun 11-May-14 07:38:02

(You can tell I feel very strongly about this.)

marriageisatrainwreck Sun 11-May-14 07:45:13

I was where you are 4 weeks ago. It really hurts doesnt it.

Dont expect to eat, sleep or think clearly for the next week or so. Try and look after yourself. Do you have any friends to talk to. I found my sister and mum really came through for me.

On some of these nights I read the shirley hlass book " not just friends". I read it on my phone so I didnt have to wait for it to arrive.

I made a real effort to not slag him off to the children. 4 weeks on hes moved back in and going to couselling. I pre viously thought I would LTB. I did see a solicitor and get an sti check in that first week. I also took some time off work as I couldnt function. Be kind to yourself

marriageisatrainwreck Sun 11-May-14 07:47:40

Oh and screaming in the car where noone could here me helped a lot too. As well as loud music

marriageisatrainwreck Sun 11-May-14 07:48:45

Oh and screaming in the car where noone could here me helped a lot too. As well as loud music

Donki Sun 11-May-14 07:58:12

I find physical stuff helps. And being outdoors. So hill walking would be great. (Unfortunately no decent hills where I am)
And friends - even if just by phone/internet.

And animals. I am borrowing a neighbour's dog for walks. Find what helps YOU. And do it!

EasterSundaySimmons Mon 12-May-14 01:07:41

Hope you are ok op.

Repetitive thoughts about him, memories of your relationship and imaging what you would like to say to him and her but can't and what you would like to happen to them can wear you down.

Feelings like this can turn into feeling worthless, but you truly didn't deserve his treatment of you.

Cheating is a weakness. You are stronger than him.

When your mind is whirring and churning all the unpleasant thoughts in your mind, try and replace them with nicer thoughts. Think ahead, when there will be better times.

IWillIfHeWill Mon 12-May-14 02:17:07

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. Wailing on the stairs helped me, I did it for years. In the early days, I used to do weaving on cards... the kind they taught reception class children, long ago. I was never still. I cleaned the house from top to bottom and finished all the ironing. Not deliberately keeping busy, I just couldn't help myself. I suppose my home had been defiled.

Lots of good wishes to you. You'll come through it. Scream when you need to, cry when you need to.

ScrambledEggAndToast Mon 12-May-14 05:57:04

So sorry Penny. I remember only too well how long and lonely the middle of the night feels at times like this, you have my total support and sympathy brewthanks It is really hard when you are the one right in the middle of it all but if you are determined that this is it then stick to your guns. Remember what he has done, remember how you feel right now and remember that you don't deserve to be treated like this.

Take cafe of yourself x

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