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The things children do to make you cry, right?

(18 Posts)

Dd1,4, was invited to a birthday party today. It's only her second childrens' party, barring her own. The first one was a catastrophe.

She gets a little anxious (although she's come on leaps and bounds recently) and she gets overwhelmed by loud noises and by chaotic surroundings.

I talked to the mum and asked if it was ok if I stayed with her. She said it was fine but didn't seem over-happy about it so I said I'd try to leave after a while.

Got there at 3. I stayed 30 mins (the party was until 7 - are these people mad? grin but I said I'd come get her at 6) and left. 2 mins later my phone rings. Dd1 is in tears, wants her drink bottle which was in my bag. I brought it back. Left. Got a phone call 4 mins later, dd1 is crying for me.

I asked if it wasn't too much trouble and not too disruptive, if we could leave it for 10 mins and if she was still crying then, I'd come. The mum agreed.

I paced the pavement for 15 mins, no phone call, so headed home. Still no call. At 5:30 I asked if dh would maybe slowly get ready to get her. He said he would but if she was having a blast he'd wait around with her for a while.

Well, 6:30 she came running in, huge smile, waving her party bag full of the usual sweets etc, happy as anything. Like any child.

I've been like a cat on a hot tin roof and she had a whale of a time. I gave her a cuddle, went to the kitchen to cook, and now am sobbing giant silent sobs.

Children will be the death of me.

Sparklingbrook Sat 10-May-14 17:52:51

wine

ChoudeBruxelles Sat 10-May-14 17:56:02

I don't get why you're crying? She was ok right?

Sparklingbrook Sat 10-May-14 17:57:51

It's because of the relief I think, the being on edge the whole time only to find out everything was okay. Plus relief that future parties may just be fine?

hotcrosshunny Sat 10-May-14 17:59:56

Why were you crying?

Maybe that's why she is anxious - gets it from you? Don't take that the wrong way but I would consider it.

Sorry, yes, relief, happiness.

seanbonbon Sat 10-May-14 18:00:36

grin Oh phew! I thought this was going to be a tale of you being dragged back & forth ten times for the duration of the party!
My eldest went through a phase of not being away from me when she was 6 (I was very sick when she was 5.5)
I remember staying at a party for ages till she warmed up & bursting into tears when I got into the car - cos parties are meant to be fun right? Felt awful for her but when I went to collect her she didn't want to go hmm

Mrsjayy Sat 10-May-14 18:01:51

glad she had a nice time bless her wine for you and a hug

ChoudeBruxelles Sat 10-May-14 18:02:57

Future parties will be fine. You just remind her that she had a nice time at x's party and to enjoy herself - big smile on your face when you leave and a breezy "see you later"

I love parties. Means I get two hours on my own. The parent if the party that went well sound barking though - who would want a party for that long?

seanbonbon Sat 10-May-14 18:03:36

She didn't want to go home, sorry. I can see why you were crying - it is stressful to deal with a child like that. Particularly when everyone else is happily running into the party!

Yeah, sean - all the other mums came and went with a 'see you later have fun' and gave me odd looks. Well, maybe they didn't but I thought they were grin

Hotcross, fair point. She has a slight physical problem, being dealt with now, which means that she was quite late at certain things. Jumping, for example, she could not do at all until she was three and a half. Her coordination was/is terrible, although getting better. She is also bilingual and the language here is still her weaker language, and she gets quite overwhelmed when there's lots of chatter. She's in SALT and is improving

It's just been a bit hard. Settling into kindergarten took 6 months. The last party she went to started out fine but then the birthday girl shut her in their office and wouldn't let her out and she was hysterical. It's all knocked her a bit.

Her poor coordination and communication does mean that I am a bit helicoptery with her, more than I would be otherwise, so maybe she does pick up on my anxiety a bit. Normally I'm pretty laid back.

It was just a huge relief today. I come away from any interactions she has with other children outside of kindergarten where she now feels happy, feeling stressed and disappointed that she's had a crappy time again.

Just her face, running towards me with her party bag, all happy and flushed cheeks. It was nice.

NearTheWindymill Sat 10-May-14 18:49:24

The only thing that shocks me about all this is that the other mother was a bit meh about you staying. At four it's normal to expect some parents to stay and some children to be anxious about their parents leaving in my experience.

I also think a 3-7 party for 4 years olds is completely bonkers.

Glad she had a nice time; you need a glass of wine.

I know, I expected 3-5. The birthday boy was 5 as were most of the other kids, but I still felt 3-7 was a bit long. His parents are a bit... well... planning and organisation amd stuff like that may not be their strongest suit. Although with a house full of 9 ober excited children, flexible might ne the best policy grin

When I asked if it were ok if .i stayed, she said 'Oh! Well, yes... I mean no-one else will be staying but I suppose she's not been to our house before...' She didn't say no, but she didn't sound thrilled.

agnescrumplebottom Sat 10-May-14 19:15:51

You must be so proud of her Psammead flowers That was really brave of you as well to give her another chance to settle... well done. Ds1 was lik this and it's so hard to see all the other parents running for the door while your child isn't, through nobodies fault, so confident. It was kind of the host though, many would have just asked you to take her as she was upset.

Yes, well, I think she wanted me to get her but I didn't want to set that precedent. It might have been selfish of me but my instincts were telling me she'd settle, and she did. When she phoned the mum told me dd1 had stopped crying because she was phoning mummy and as far as I know she didn't start again, so I don't think there was mich disruption. I would have got her after that 10 mins of course. So glad I didn't have to!

Primadonnagirl Sat 10-May-14 19:58:05

Bless her! What a brave little girl and what a fabulous ending! I'm not tearful at all honestly! ;)

BalloonSlayer Sat 10-May-14 20:04:24

How lovely

(I speak as a Mother of Clingy DCs)

I hope you make a big thing of thanking the party parents for their help !

I hope dh thanked them, he probably did, but I'll be thanking the mum personally on Monday and telling her what a lovely time dd1 had, for the first time ever! And how excited she was.

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