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Shit shit shit - just added DH's ex on FB by accident - how do I salvage this?

(81 Posts)
ClashCityRocker Sat 10-May-14 12:15:48

I don't even go on FB that much. When I see threads about FB, I just think, 'Pah! FB!'....oh the irony.

For info, DH was with his ex for about 5 years, lived together but no dc, split about ten years ago. Split was not amicable, but on the infrequent occasions their paths do cross, they're civil.

Whilst scrolling through FB 'people you might know' out of idle curiosity, I noticed DH's ex. We had three mutual friends, and I was curious as to who we knew mutually - I'm about 15 years younger than both her and DH.

Then my iPad was taking aaages to load the page, so I prodded about a bit as it seemed to be frozen. It then closed FB, so I thought nothing of it.

Then I got a notification - 'DHs ex has accepted your friend request'....

My stomach dropped out of my bottom.

She's going to think I was stalking. She's going to tell everyone how her exbfs of 10 years ago wife added her on FB. My DH and her do have mutual friends in RL - it's a smallish area we live in, they're around the same age etc and were bought up in the same area.

So, lots of DHs friends are going to think I was stalking...

I need to deactivate, don't i?

I'm such a tit.

PeaceLillyDoge Sat 10-May-14 12:17:13

Just delete them, block, and never tell anyone in rl.

PeaceLillyDoge Sat 10-May-14 12:17:57

Oh and deny it to anyone if she tells them. She'll look crazy.

DotToDott Sat 10-May-14 12:20:28

wipe your hard drive and leave the country.


Normalisavariantofcrazy Sat 10-May-14 12:23:07

It's going to show in your feed...does DH use fb? If he does you're gonna get busted for snooping!

Stripyhoglets Sat 10-May-14 12:29:45

Just defreind her quick! It's easily done with the suggestions popping up now and touch screens. I accidentally added one of my DSs freinds, they accepted me(!!) so I defreind end quickly when I realised. If anyone says anything just say it happened by accident when a suggestion came up and you accidentally clicked it while scrolling the list and you have No idea why she would accept you! I don't see when people become freinds anymore and I have my freinds list set as private to me only, people can only see mutual freinds.

BillyBanter Sat 10-May-14 12:33:14


It will still look like you were friending to have a nosy. she's accepted probably to have a nosy too. Maybe she thought you and DH are splitting up and you friended so you could swap horror stories.

It's done now and you can't change that.

<waits patiently for ex to start thread about you adding her>


itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 10-May-14 12:39:33

Just de friend her

TouchPauseEngage Sat 10-May-14 12:41:19

This happened to a colleague the other day but the other way round (exGF friend requested her) we were all in agreement that she had been snooping but felt very sorry for her because she must have been mortified. In conclusion she will definitely tell her friends but hopefully they will be nice and understanding like us grin

AmberLeaf Sat 10-May-14 12:41:20

You used to get a pop up that allowed you to confirm or cancel your friend request. Why they stopped that I don't know.


At least you did it via 'people you may know' instead of from nosying on their page and accidently clicking add friend. Ive never done that

In your scenario, I think I d message and say, 'sorry, did that by acccident while looking through 'people you may know' and then delete and block.

RandomMess Sat 10-May-14 12:46:30

My cat send someone I vaugely know a friend request and they accepted! Fortunately I don't say much on there and I'm not bothered if they see what I write.

MuttonCadet Sat 10-May-14 12:46:54

Defriend, it was just an accident I wouldn't worry.

qazxc Sat 10-May-14 12:50:17

Bombard her with game requests so that she thinks you have only been adding a load of randoms to help you in farmville or whatever.

BillyBanter Sat 10-May-14 12:56:23

patrick funnily enough there is a thread titled something like 'ex's new gf wants to be friends'. I was very excited to click on it but it's a different scenario. bah.

Good plan qazxc!

NorbertDentressangle Sat 10-May-14 12:59:05

I would do what Amberleaf suggested and message her to say it was an accident as you were scrolling through 'people you may know' and then unfriend.

Coumarin Sat 10-May-14 12:59:09

Oh god. One of the many, many reasons I don't have Facebook. If I did then I just know something like this would happen.

Delete and deny.
Delete and deny.


NorbertDentressangle Sat 10-May-14 13:02:17

I also meant to say that the 'accidentally added you' explanation would work because you have friends in common so it's perfectly feasible.

If you didn't have friends in common then snooping would be the only explanation!

TheLastNameLeft Sat 10-May-14 13:02:18

Haha Random, my cat did this once too when I left FB open and she walked all over my keyboard..they accepted me about three hours later and I was like WTF? when I told her we both laughed a lot about it, we are still friends too smile

SirNoel Sat 10-May-14 13:04:40

A poster on here once admitted that she'd spent part of a drunken evening typing various exes, exes GF's, partners exes names into the status box instead of the search box shock

Sent shivers of pure ice down my spine that did.

Now whenever I fuck up, I think well at least it wasn't that

TheLastNameLeft Sat 10-May-14 13:05:53

OMG SirNoel I'd be totally mortified..would probably delete my account

SirNoel Sat 10-May-14 13:08:18

Me too.

And change my name. And move. Abroad somewhere. Like Kazakhstan

IFoughtTheLaw Sat 10-May-14 13:08:42

Put a message up saying your Facebook automatically added everyone on the "people you may know" list, apologise, and then delete her.

HotSauceCommittee Sat 10-May-14 13:12:22

That's fucking horrific, SirNoel.

I am quite new to FB, OP, in that I only joined to keep in touch with colleagues the other month when we were all made redundant.

I have issues about defriending and such like, because, isn't it a really obvious rejection?

ClashCityRocker Sat 10-May-14 13:12:28

SirNoel, that's horrendous!

I've deleted her and am just hoping it never comes out...DH isn't on FB, which in one way is good, but it means if it does come out I'll have a bugger explaining it to him.


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