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Feeling rather friendless

(93 Posts)
tinypumpkin Fri 09-May-14 14:46:11

Does anyone else wonder if it is them? I do have lots of acquaintances but no real good friends anymore. It's rather hard not to think that it is something that I am doing wrong. I guess I am sad to see the end of what has been a really good friendship and it feels really crap.

I know that I am rubbish at replying online but I mean friends that I can drop in on (with permission!) on one of those days. Just to have a coffee and put the world to rights. There are truly lovely people on here and I am always very thankful for that but sometimes you just need to go out and meet someone (especially if the children are being 'trying').

Cantstayawake Fri 09-May-14 14:49:55

I can relate to this totally. Was just thinking about this this morning. Very sad. I wonder if it is me but then I think about the stuff I have done to help people out and think that I'm not such a bad person so why don't they stay in touch!?
I don't know what to do to make a difference. Need to find some new friends but not sure where!
It's good to know there's people feeling the same so I can come on here and chat if nothing else.

tinypumpkin Fri 09-May-14 14:51:37

I am sorry to hear that Cantstayawake (good name btw). It's hard to find new friends isn't it. I am involved in quite a lot of voluntary stuff but still feel like I don't click as groups already exist. Easier if no one knows each other!

Happy to chat smile

craftysewer Fri 09-May-14 14:54:23

I'm in the same boat. My best friend dumped me two years ago and I can't be bothered have lost the confidence to try and make new friends. It's easier to hide myself away and just browse on here. At least I feel coming on MN that I have contact with the outside world.

gildedarc Fri 09-May-14 15:02:26

I've had that feeling recently - I was on the bus on my own and a couple of women got on, gossiping away. Suddenly made me realise that I haven't had a good old girly chat like that in ages.

To tell the truth, I'm very busy at the moment with family/house/study/interests so I know I'm not being ignored. I've turned down a lot of social invitations in the past year because I've just had too much going on. And I chat with DH and my sisters, but it's not the same (more like checking in and keeping up to date with family news).

A lot of my older friends have had babies or got married/bought first house in the past couple of years and it seems really hard to arrange a time to meet up when we're all so busy.

Cantstayawake Fri 09-May-14 16:36:03

Thanks tinypumpkin. I thought I would have loads

Cantstayawake Fri 09-May-14 16:40:47

Sorry posted too soon!
loads of mummy friends but I found the groups a real struggle as most people know each other or you're too busy supervising children to have a conversation! I find people don't relate if their situation is very different from mine family wise etc. As we only have one child so far people are also a bit odd about this too.
I suppose there's only so much effort you can make and it's easy to loose confidence when you don't feel people are interested.

tinypumpkin Fri 09-May-14 18:05:18

Sorry to hear that I am not alone. Really sorry to hear about your BF Crafty. I have lost mine recently for lots of difficult reasons and I am very sad about this. It's hard to make the effort again as it really knocks your confidence (or mine anyway).

Gilde, I am stupidly busy too and I know that it is a factor. I am in the midst of different things (children, work) but not immersed in either enough really to make friends. My work is very distant so I don't make friends via that (unless online). I am rubbish at staying in touch online.

Can'tstay, my situation is very different to yours but like you, I feel different and people find that tricky. I have three children but only got to keep two. My DD1 is a big part of my life and I find that makes me very different (really part of the reason why I no longer have my BF). I just don't fit in.

If anyone is in the SW then let me know smile Thanks for replying ladies, it is good to know that although I am sad about the situation, I am not alone. I am in good company although of course I wish you did not feel this way too.

I don't have many friends either. Everyone either 'dumped' me when I broke up with exDP or they've just moved on and I'm left quite alone apart from just a very few people. I'm always happy to chat on here though smile

breakingtradition Fri 09-May-14 18:33:41

OP, I get this completely. I constantly ask myself 'is it me?' 'should I try harder?'

I had loads of friends growing up, but as the years went on, I gradually lost confidence. I don't really know why....

I had my DD at 22 and I still lived with my mum and dad blush Whenever I tried to mix with the other mums at toddler groups etc, I never felt like I fitted in. Most of the mums were a fair bit older and had very different lives to me. I would make an effort, but apart from having dc's roughly the same age, we didn't really have anything in common. There was a definite clique and I really don't like that.......so maybe it is me hmm I don't know.

I suffer with on and off depression, although most who meet me, wouldn't know. I come across as happy and self assured apparently. People often get shocked when I tell them that I suffer with anxiety and have confidence issues, which I guess is a good thing.

Would love to socialise more. I'm actually a very sociable person, but maybe I've just got used to hiding away since having my DD. Not good. When you don't really feel like you 'belong' to a certain group as it were, it's hard to just get out there and be confident with who you are.

Paddingtonthebear Fri 09-May-14 18:36:39

Yep.still have old friends who I see occasionally but I can't remember the last time I had a good gossip on the phone with anyone. At least two years or more

LizzieMint Fri 09-May-14 18:38:25

I'm in the same boat too, I find being a SAHM can be very lonely at times, especially as most of the other school mums are back at work. We have occasional meetups but there is only one friend who I'd consider a deep, true friend. We're soon going to be relocating and it was quite sad to realise that she'd be the only person I'd really miss.
I'm in the SW too tinypumpkin. smile

poshme Fri 09-May-14 18:40:40

Just wanted to say- there is hope!
I felt like this for a few years. The only person who I could really call on was my sister. Who lived 200miles away.

And somehow, now, I have at least 2 really good friends. A combination of the right place & right time & quite a lot of effort at the beginning on my part (and probably theirs) and wow! I have close friends. Which I hadn't had for so long.
So there is hope.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Fri 09-May-14 18:41:39

I wouldlove some RL friends. I had my DD using a donor, on my own and I know its silly but feel different from other mums due to this and that I Will be judged if I try to get te know anyone...

Is anyone in the SE?

breakingtradition Fri 09-May-14 19:01:10

Oh, are we stating our locations? grin

Midlands here.

tinypumpkin Sat 10-May-14 17:21:59

Sorry to hear that Onelittlelady, that sounds crappy that people dumped you. You deserve better!

See Breaking, I think I too have got used to hiding away. I did it for so long when DD1 died that it is hard sometimes to put yourself out there. Oddly enough it would not seem that way to others. I think that you are saying a similar thing. I am so underconfident too!

Paddington, that is so exactly it. It's the close social stuff like chatting. I don't mean everyday chit chat, I do that. The really close friendship stuff. I miss that.

Lizzie, wonder where you are in the SW. If you are happy, I will PM you. The SW is long and narrow! I work from home primarily but being at home with the childrne is tough. It can be isolating and I never realised how much that could be the case.

Takemedown, it does not sound silly that you feel different to others. I do too. I know the circumstances are different of course. It's that sense of not quite fitting in. Anyone SE for Takemedown?

TPG - Hope you ladies have a good evening <thanks> <wine>

tinypumpkin Sat 10-May-14 17:22:33

Emoticon fail! That was meant to be wine, thanks

milkncookies Sat 10-May-14 17:50:33

I think we're midlands, moved near Leicestershire / Warwickshire area about a year ago. DC are much more settled in the evening and I thought to myself this week 'ooo, I could go out for dinner / drinks with someone now' and realised I don't actually have anyone to do that with sad (well, one colleague, maybe - but that's it - and we would talk shop all the time!).

cake and wine to all here, am looking forward to getting little ones in bed and cosying up for Eurovision tonight - wild times grin

MyNameIsSuz Sat 10-May-14 19:46:46

Takemedown, where in the SE? I'm Oxfordshire.

PrincessBabyCat Sat 10-May-14 20:05:13

I have lots of casual friends I'm on good terms with, but only 1 or 2 close friends. I'm not sure how to bring it to the next step beyond just friendly chatting at group meet ups.

Buddy80 Sun 11-May-14 06:59:36

It's funny isn't it? I think if you go through a bad patch of not having friends it can make you feel as if you are the only one.

I tend to be fussy. I guess I do it without realising. I am not one for following the crowd. I thrive better on 1:1 friendships.

It's always surprised me too, when speaking to some people who little "real" friends they have. What you may class as an aquaintence someone else would class as a friend.

It is easy to doubt yourself - don't. I went through a phase of not having so many friends. I did not change, then suddenly I had more and even some very close ones.

I am in the SW btw smile

PamHalpert Sun 11-May-14 07:10:18

I have literally 0 friends sad

We moved away a couple of years ago from where I had a job and some acquaintances, now I have no one (well, apart from DH). I had lots at school but now we only stay in touch via Facebook.

I wouldn't even know how to make friends now. I'm also shy until I get to know you so that's hard.

Sometimes I get really down because all I really want is a friend (that sounds really sad doesn't it?! blush) I don't even want loads, I'd just want one tbh.

I miss having girly chats and just someone to talk too that isn't DH blush

anyoldname76 Sun 11-May-14 07:10:45

Ive only got a few friends, but they aren't close friends, loads of people I know. Its a bit pathetic I know but I always feel sad when I see them on fb announcing how much they love their 'bestie'

I haven't had a best friend in years, ive even replied to ads on netmum's meet a mum board but they are usually just after a playmate for their child.

Buddy80 Sun 11-May-14 07:20:30

Pam and anyoldname sorry to hear this. If it is any small comfort I would guess most have been through this.

Do you believe the right friend(s) will come along at the right time? Or have you given up on that sad

Buddy80 Sun 11-May-14 07:24:42

anyold oh please don't take any notice of FB "bestie" comments. They can change very frequently and be meaningless smile

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