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Just please tell me about a time where you have successfully shamed the living shit out of a rude, outspoken person

(205 Posts)
HowAboutNo Sat 03-May-14 16:52:10

I have had a BAD DAY thanks to the rudest, most shameless little bitch person I have EVER met and I am crap and had nothing to say back. Wishing I was sassy and quick but, alas, I'm not.

Don't want to go into details as I'll just RAGE but I just know that there are some excellent minds on here who have successfully put a smarmy little twat or two back in their place... So indulge me please, I need something to laugh at <laughs but despairs at self>

stella69x Sat 03-May-14 17:10:53

A guy in the street once said to me your baby's smoking too (I was smoking) I replied what baby? he gestured to my stomach, my response in a loud voice was oh no I'm fat not pregnant!
The look on his face and the embarrassed apology was almost enough to take the sting out of the comment, but I was a little upset by it as I had lost nearly 2 stone from my largest at that point.

LaQueenOfTheMay Sat 03-May-14 17:25:18

In my early twenties, some drunk girl in a bar took a dislike to me (no idea why, I think she probably mistook me for someone else?) and started with the filthy looks, and the sneering over-loud bitchy whispers...eventually I glanced her way (wondering if I knew her), which caused her to stomp over 'What do you think ^you're looking at?' followed by some loud abusive invective, causing lots of people to trun to watch.

I was rather nonplussed, but waited for her to stop then lent forward and quietly said 'You know, if I were as ugly as you, I would try and not draw so much attention to myself'

She deflated in a micro second, totally stumped - then her face sort of crumpled and she shuffled off.

What can I say? She was ugly, I was just pointing it out to her.

Standinginline Sat 03-May-14 17:37:49

I remember my friend having abuse chucked at her by some school kids obviously truanting. My friend turned around asked "aren't you meant to be at school ? " ,school girl "yeah ,what's it to do with you ?" To which she replied "well ,with a face like that you're gonna need an education !!"

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 03-May-14 17:38:28

In my case - I sell to large organisations - it was an incredibly arrogant shit of a buyer. Years of doing my job have resulted in a thick skin but this guy went a step too far and I saw red. I launched into a five minute highly coherent but withering speech, telling him exactly what I thought of his fuckwit attitude, (managed not to swear in the process - impressed myself there), then gathered up my papers and left. Ten minutes later I actually got a phone-call from a director of the company apologising and saying they were sending him for 're-training'.... grin

Skina Sat 03-May-14 17:39:36

Arf LaQ I've used a similar line on a driver who virtually pushed me into a ditch when driving and then hurled abuse at me. I calmly retorted with 'oh dear, you are terribly ugly, does it always drive you to such rage?' He was dumbstruck, went bright red and roared off. My work was done. grin

LaQueenOfTheMay Sat 03-May-14 17:42:03

Skina it's a very useful, withering one-liner to have in your verbal arsenal.

Other variations include 'Yes, well I quite understand why you're so angry. If I were as ugly as you, I would be deeply angry too' accompanied by a sympathetic head tilt, and smile...

Skina Sat 03-May-14 17:45:19

Oh yes, definitely accompanied with a head tilt.

FunnyFoot Sat 03-May-14 17:46:37

Outside the shop I work in has double yellow lines. A new Merc was parked there for ages with a empty coffee cup on it's roof (wasn't me who put it there). Very posh elderly guy came back to his car as I was chatting to a customer in the door way. Merc driver took the cup off the roof and threw it on the floor.
I said "excuse me, are you really just going to litter when there is a bin here?"
"It's not mine"
"Granted but that doesn't mean you can just throw it on the floor"
"Why don't (while looking me up & down) YOU put it in the bin?"
"Er no, you are littering not me"
"Ha and what will YOU do about it"
"Nothing but that CC TV camera up there has seen everything including your licence plate so I suppose THEY will be issuing a fine"

Very posh guy picked up the rubbish and put it in the bin while my customer openly laughed at them grin

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 03-May-14 17:48:09

The best I ever heard was Thora Hird telling a story on tv. Someone shouted at her 'mum', and she wasn't that old, I think about 30. She turned and said 'I couldn't possibly be your mother, I'm married'!

TartanRug Sat 03-May-14 17:52:20

My old boss was an utter shit and used to have a sweepstake to see how soon he could make the women on the office cry. He started on me one morning (I can't remember why) and he said 'what's the matter Tartan, you on the blob or something?'. I replied 'thanks for the enquiry but actually no, because if I was I would have smacked you square in the face and told you to fuck off so count yourself lucky'. I was so angry but managed to look like I didn't care (apparently) and I was convinced I would lose my job but he was always quite polite and a bit wary of me after that.

HowAboutNo Sat 03-May-14 17:53:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nocomet Sat 03-May-14 17:56:18

I feel your rage OP, I can't tell the rudest bitch I know where to get off. DD1 does and activity with her DD and they are as close friends as they can be given her parents (her Father is a toaster too).

FunnyFoot Sat 03-May-14 17:56:40

I always find a calm "yes dear" followed by a smile stops people mid rant. Not a withering retort but it does tend to work in making them look and feel stupid.

LaQueenOfTheMay Sat 03-May-14 17:56:51

Another one of my favourite put-downs is 'I'm sorry, but I think you've confused me with someone who actually gives a shit about your opinion?'

Again, always said very politely and with a smile.

My fil was belittling my mil, his ex. So I looked at him straight in the eye and said STOP BEING A TWAT.

I have no time for dickheads.

moobaloo Sat 03-May-14 17:58:14

Brilliant! I also tend to come up with wonderful witty sarcastic responses... Three hours too late sad

HowAboutNo Sat 03-May-14 17:58:55

comet it's shit isn't it? I think I need to stop giving a shit about being so polite but even then I don't think I'd come up with anything particularly stinging!

wolfofwestfieled Sat 03-May-14 17:59:00

I don't get that calling someone ugly is a particularly clever putdown confused

Sinking to their level (or below it) springs to mind.

moobaloo Sat 03-May-14 18:03:16

Actually recently I poured myself a glass of wine with dinner ( I'm pregnant ) and a close relative with a passive aggressive side said innocently "oh! I didn't think you were drinking at all!?" I said "well..." And was about to justify one teensy glass when I realised I didn't have to explain myself to her or anyone and said bluntly, "I am." Not exactly a scathing comeback but it shut her up and made me feel pretty good for some reason!

matildasquared Sat 03-May-14 18:03:28

Someone was ranting about immigrants and I just said, "Present gracious company excepted, I guess?" (I'm an immigrant, which she knows.)

She blushed and abdabed for a while. Served her right. (She either forgot I was an immigrant or she really just meant dark-skinned immigrants.)

Aspiringhuman Sat 03-May-14 18:04:04

I was working in a shop and a guy said "has anyone ever told you how ugly you are". I said "not really most people I meet are too polite to mention it". Don't know where it came from I usually just put my head down and take it. My boss at the time was not impressed.

cherrypez Sat 03-May-14 18:04:58

nocomet I'm loving 'her father is a toaster too' grin

HowAboutNo Sat 03-May-14 18:06:53

shock aspiring was your boss unimpressed with you or the dickhead?! Hoping it was the latter

Aspiringhuman Sat 03-May-14 18:10:26

With me howabout for answering back. Apparently I should have apologised for my looks offending him and thanked him for pointing it out. This boss tended to take the customer is always right to extremes. He refused to let us call the police when a customer grabbed a 17 year old new start round the neck while shouting racial abuse.

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