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Household gadgets and gizmos that are, frankly, shit

(102 Posts)
Oddthomas Fri 02-May-14 18:35:17

After reading various things about how to get nice smooth mash I bought a potato ricer. People rave about them. Why?! I bought one. I told DH "brace yourself love, tonight's shepherds pie topping will be smooth as silk" (I know how to spin my fella a romantic line, I do). I boiled my potatoes, I strained them, I snipped the little plastic ops securing the potato ricer to the cardboard packaging. I may have done a little excited giggle. I washed it. I dried it. I loaded it with potatoes. I was expecting glorious squiggles of mashed potato to wiggle out, like a delicious Playdoh machine of carbohydrate goodness.

What I got was a jet of liquid starch that squirted out in all directions, splattering up the cupboards and splashing across the counter top. Then the potato followed. Potato under pressure does not majestically wiggle out of the holes in the ricer, rather it flies out like slimy little projectiles. Fucking hot projectiles. I had little burn marks on my arms shaped like worms of riced potato

Then DH announced "you're doing it wrong". He stepped in, the man of the house ready to feed his family the silky smooth mash that was promised. He loaded it. He squeezed it. He muttered "what the fuck?!" he squeezed again. He muttered some more. He squeezed too hard and potato'd the front of the fridge. I took the ricer off him and told him "no, you're doing it wrong". A 'playful' exchange followed in which divorce was mentioned at least twice and offers were made to insert the potato ricer into places no ricer should ever go. It culminated in the ricer being chucked in the bin, where it sat, mocking us while we rang for a take away. The shiny metal bastard.

Anyone else bought any crap gizmos or gadgets?

greenfolder Sat 03-May-14 21:01:54

S low cooker as I realised that my oven does actually have a slow cook function but only after I bought it. A tomato knife from Lakeland. Still have no idea what came over me. Why would you need a special knife to cut tomatoes and its worse than an ordinary knife.

pictish Sat 03-May-14 20:48:54

Oh the steam cleaner.
Well...I banged on and on about wanting one of those, much to dh's dubiousness. I insisted it was the very dab that we needed, and spent muchos quids on it.
I can't own up to dh that it's not half as good as I'd insisted it would be.
I do get it out now and then though. It makes a great important skooshy noise and I think that's the best thing about it.

We've got one of those cordless Dysons and think it's brilliant, sucks up everything in sight and 15 mins is plenty to get round our (very small) house. Also great for getting cat hair off the sofa and curtains, doing the car etc. It's so much easier than a corded vac.

Bunbaker Sat 03-May-14 19:50:50

Mintyy

What you need is one of these. They are brilliant and make short work of any vegetable peeling. and they are as cheap as chips. I have tried loads of peelers and none of them come close to this little gadget.

I don't use my steam cleaner as much as I thought I would.

Silicone egg poachers are brilliant. You need to out some oil in them first. I always use large eggs and poach them on the lowest heat for exactly four minutes with the lid on, and the eggs are perfectly cooked.

Fcukfifa Sat 03-May-14 19:23:07

Dyson cordless vacuum, paid £380 for it and it is wank. I had visions of just grabbing it periodically during the day for various tasks. But no, it just moves dust and bits about, runs out after 15 mins and is heavy.

Hate it when dh is right.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sat 03-May-14 19:06:37

Juicer, used three times then we got tired of the 45 minute strip down.

Breadmaker, used until our clothes all got too small.

Espresso machine is still going strong, but it doesn't half make us twitchy.

Well, have given the steam cleaner a good old workout today, it is certainly good on the hob, cooker hood, oven doors, bathroom nooks and crannies and shifted some dirty marks from the carpet very well. I didn't buy it to use on hard floors, I will be sticking to my ordinary mop for those but it's pretty good for whizzing round all those nooks and crannies that take ages with an old toothbrush and cream cleanser or whatever.

Selks Sat 03-May-14 16:14:25

Steam mop. Does not clean as well as my old squeezy mop (which I have gone back to using.)

middleagedspread Sat 03-May-14 16:04:06

A steam cleaner, just leaves hot, wet puddles on the floor
A mandolin, unused since a trip to A&E
Corn on the cob holders, unsure where they came from.
Why am I considering a shower vacuum?

Plomino Sat 03-May-14 15:58:15

So much crap ! Bloody iPad !

Plomino Sat 03-May-14 15:57:41

One of those silly little dyson vacuum cleaners where it has a great long nozzle and the bag less bit is attached to the actual handle thingy . DH brought one home , and he was so pleased it was like a Labrador bringing homes pheasant . I didn't have the heart to point out that with 5 kids , us , 2 greyhounds , 3 horses and a stable yard out the back that so much cheap ends up in the house that the minuscule capacity of this thing meant I ended up emptying more than I hoovered . I don't need one of those , I need a tanker with a vacuum nozzle attached .

ProcrastinatorExtraordindaire Sat 03-May-14 15:18:25

Longdistance:
that looks like a fondue fork to me. I was once given a fondue set as a gift. The fact I hadn't paid money for it made it easier to throw the thing out after 4 years of never being used.

javotte Sat 03-May-14 15:13:05

The nicer dicer was crap. The blades bent when I tried to chop an onion. Apparently many of them are counterfeit - I was told that the original, German one works really well.

MyrtleDove Sat 03-May-14 14:18:54

Slow cookers are great though! They're best for tough cuts of meat though (eg pork shoulder, brisket, beef shin etc), chicken and mince will get too dry unless it's a whole chicken or thighs.

evenafterall Sat 03-May-14 14:00:59

Steam mop - kaffafle on a stick.

Longdistance Fri 02-May-14 23:16:11

70's it's not one of those blackhead things. This has prongs on the end. Possibly for olives or pickled onions, to fish them out of the vinegar. Another weird contraption from dhs eccentric Aunt.

She did buy us a bread storer that vacuums the air out, and makes the bread/cakes last longer. She buys this stuff from Lakeland.

I tried the swirly plug clearer from Lakeland too, agree it was crap.

Also a silicone pod for melting chocolate in the microwave from Lakeland - split the first time I used it.

I ordered a recon Karcher steam cleaner from their outlet website this week, it arrived today and I have to say I'm impressed so far, it has shifted some grotspots that have defeated all sorts of chemicals and scourers. WIll be giving it a more thorough workout tomorrow in the bathroom.

pictish Fri 02-May-14 23:09:38

Saw a rip off George Foreman type grill in Lidl recently and thought I'd give it a bash. Did a couple of steaks in it that night, but it was utter guff. Went to clean it and took one look at the non removable plates thick with gunk, and tossed the whole thing in the bin.
I think dh has forgotten we ever had it.

WorldWildWifeFund Fri 02-May-14 22:46:17

Grape scissors - I used to think they were absurd, but sometimes grape stalks are hard to break, and an ordinary pair of scissors next to the fruit bowl just looks wrong. Not going to buy any grape scissors, though - trying to de-clutter. Fingers will have to do.

Crutchlow35 Fri 02-May-14 22:40:30

Lakeland steam mop. It's shit and just smears dirt around my floors.

Juicer. I just can't be arsed with peeling oranges and then cleaning it all.

Slow cooker. I am sure pedigree chum produce tastier meals.

punter Fri 02-May-14 22:33:03

A rubber thing from Lakeland that you put over the tap to get rid of limescale after filling it with - limescale remover. Only took me one go to realise that I could just paint limescale remover on the tap.

A banana bag from Lakeland that you put your bananas in and then put in fridge - keeps them fresh apparently. Although you have no idea that they have actually gone all brown because the yellow bag stops you seeing that until it is too late

a twirly thing from L*k*l*nd that is supposed to clear slow running sinks - no it does not.

fledtoscotland Fri 02-May-14 22:31:43

Silicon bakeware - leaves a greasy layer on the cakes confused

Slow cooker - chicken tastes grainy in it and mince just slop.

My lakeland airer however was my £50 bnib bargain of the year. Clothes dry quickly without needing to put heating or tumble dryer on. It's cheap to run and store and does what it's supposed to smile

TrinityRhino Fri 02-May-14 22:18:48

we have an actifry

I bought it after dps heart attack

I love it

chips do take longer but skin on, real pots to yummy chips in 45 mins with a spoon of oil makes the wait worthwhile

YY to poach pods, far easier to just do eggs in a frying pan full of barely simmering water. Also silicone cake tins, stick every time.

I got a new Lakeland catalogue in the post yesterday and it seems to be full of more and more gimicky, expensive gadgets, candyfloss maker anyone?

Antidote Fri 02-May-14 22:13:16

Churros maker. Used once a year by DH usually when we have guests he wants to impress and he hasn't managed to perform his normal trick of buying every single item of baked breakfast goods in the shop (in triplicate).

Poor guests are gasping for caffeinated beverages and he spends hours making batter and setting off smoke alarms trying to shallow fry batter worms. He then fails to deploy the requisite yardage of kitchen roll to remove the grease, and realizes too late that we only have 2 teaspoons of sugar so the f#cking churros are inedible.

I spend the next week chipping solid batter off ask the horizontal kitchen surfaces (and most of the vertical ones).

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