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A question about taking DC's friend on holiday with you.

(59 Posts)
flipchart Wed 26-Feb-14 08:24:01

DH has suggested that we take one of our children's Friends on our skiing holiday next year.

His thinking is that if DS1 who is now 17 would probably like a mate to hang round with or if he doesn't come with us Ds 2 who is 14 might like some company.

If we do ask someone to come do we charge them? Or do we just ask them to buy their own lift passes and ski hire......or what.

I'm not sure how to do this? Any ideas?

wonderpants Wed 26-Feb-14 08:25:45

Personally, if I was inviting, I would fund everything I would fund for my own children.

flipchart Wed 26-Feb-14 08:31:17

Ha! In that case I'm not taking anyone!

Dukketeater Wed 26-Feb-14 08:38:55

My parents took my friend but we drove and stayed in a little house so apart from eating out and day trips the bulk of it cost the same regardless. Her parents offered to pay but mine said no... If they offer you could take it?

Martorana Wed 26-Feb-14 08:44:31

Work out what you can afford and talk to the parents. My dd went on holiday with a friend last year. The mum rang me up and said "we'd love x to come with us- but we can't afford to pay for everything. Would you pay for her flight, then we'll pay for everything while we're there"

It was a villa holiday, so they paid for all the trips they did and her food. Skiing would be different I suppose because of the cost of ski passes and things.... But just discuss it with the parents.

Slh122 Wed 26-Feb-14 08:45:00

Me and my friend went to India with her parents when we were 17. I paid for my flights and accommodation, and they covered all meals, trips, etc. I wasn't expecting them to do this, but it was lovely that they did and really appreciated it. They treated me just like their own daughter.
I took my own spending money but so did my friend. HTH smile

DowntonTrout Wed 26-Feb-14 08:49:03

Having done this both ways- ie DCs bringing a friend and DCs going with another family, communication is the key.

Either way friends have always paid for flights. If S/catering we have covered the accommodation and generally included them as family in meals out/food etc. usually the other parents have given an amount towards food though. I was gobsmacked once when the girl who came with us ordered lobster or fillet steak at restaurants and never passed on the money her parents had sent for food. She only came with us once.

If it's a package holiday to a hotel, our DCs have gone with other family's doing that, we just paid the appropriate amount for the holiday and then sent spending money, always more, rather than less, and always enough for our DC to buy rounds of drinks, ice creams for everyone, enough for trips out etc.

We used to have a property abroad and DS often invited his friends. Again they paid for their own flights and brought their own money. If I was cooking I cooked for all, they could help themselves to any food/drinks in the villa, we would also pay if we went out for meals all together. It can get very expensive. If you're skiing I would let them know the costs involved beforehand, including lift passes etc but would also expect to pay for them for meals out and entertainment because if you take them on holiday you have to treat them as your own.

flipchart Wed 26-Feb-14 08:52:25

I think if it was a regular holiday to an apartment in Spain where they could hang round on the beach and such places I would be happy to py for everything.

It's just all the extra costs of ski passes and ski hire that makes it that much more expensive.

At this moment it's just one of DHs ideas so nothing is decided yet!

Orangeanddemons Wed 26-Feb-14 08:53:28

I can't believe that some people would fund everything. If I took a friend with us, no way would I be able to fund it. However, in the same way if someone took my dc, I would insist on paying for them. It would never ever occur to me to let someone else pay for my dc.

DowntonTrout Wed 26-Feb-14 09:02:45

I think you need to cost the holiday, including passes and hire and explain that's how much it will be. Then expect to fund the rest yourself. If my child were going I would then give the parents an extra amount for food plus give my child spending money. But people can have mixed ideas about how much stuff costs and that doesn't always happen.

Dukketeater Wed 26-Feb-14 09:07:25

Lobster & Fillet Steak!

My cousin does this to my mum... Too thick to notice the price I think and always orders the most expensive thing.

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:10:18

if you invite a 17yr old on holiday then I think you need to pay but I think you can put it to him that he is going on holiday with you dd went on holiday with her boyfriend and his parents at 18 they were not taking her she was going with them so she paid her way,

MrsBennetsEldest Wed 26-Feb-14 09:13:25

As wonderpants said, I would fund everything if I was inviting.

By asking for payment you run the risk of ,

a) embarrassing the parents if they cannot afford it.
b) the disappointment of friend if a) applies.
c) parents agreeing initially, you booking holiday and then them changing their minds.

I would also only take friends of children away that you know very well. My 3 DS were allowed to all bring a friend on one particular holiday. 2 of the friends were like family, the 3rd friend I knew, had been to our house a few times, lovely lad and they all knew each other and got along really well. The holiday was outdoor activity based ( shooting , fishing type of activities), I explained this to him and his parents when I asked if he would like to come. Yes please they said. I had to endure a week with a sulking 14 year old who refused to even leave the house. My DS3 ( it was his pal) was mortified. I had 5 teenage lads on a Scottish Estate, exhausted at the end of the day because they had worn themselves out having a great time and sulky drawers who spent all day watching TV and playing on his phone. If I could have sent him home I would have.

WreckTangle Wed 26-Feb-14 09:20:24

I would only invite a friend if I was able to fund the whole trip. I would say they brought their own spending money.

I remember going to Southport for 2 weeks with my friend and her family when I was 13. It was all paid and I took my own spending mkney. What we done in Southport for 2 weeks I'll never know!

mrsjay Wed 26-Feb-14 09:22:43

I have taken children with us on holiday was just caravan holidays mind so not expensive skiing is different it is really up to you if you can afford it pay it all and the boy can just take spending money,

oranges Wed 26-Feb-14 09:34:06

its easy to find out the cost of lift passes and ski hire in advance. I think the fairest thing would be to ask parents to pay for flights, ski pass and lift hire, as they are fixed costs that can be paid in advance, and you pay accommodation and food out there.

Cringechilli Wed 26-Feb-14 09:36:53

I just wouldn't get into it tbh. Too much bother for that type of holiday.

RetroHippy Wed 26-Feb-14 09:43:19

If you take both boys, 14 and 17 should get on ok surely?

I'd only bother if the 17 to didn't come, so the 14 yo had company. Then I suppose you've saved on one person anyway?

I was never allowed a friend on holiday as I had my 4 years younger brother as company <sulks>. Once I left home, he could take a friend.

flipchart Wed 26-Feb-14 09:43:51

I'm going to leave it for the ski holiday.

I'm going to suggest that we go as the 4 of us on the ski one, then one can take a friend on the summer holiday to Spain and the other can take theirs on the autumn one to Portugal.

I'm happy to fund those holidays, not so keen to fund the ski one!

flipchart Wed 26-Feb-14 09:46:22

rettrohappy. They are at different levels with their skiing and both have friends who are at the same level as them.

It's not an issue now, I've come to a decision!

I went on hol with a boyfriend when I was 17. his parents have a house in the south of france and we drove so I paid for meals (and fags!) but they basically paid for everything but then they were rich and didnt mind!

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 26-Feb-14 09:57:27

If you invited my dd for skiing I'd expect included if under 16

Hotel
Plane
Ski pass
Equipment hire
Food drink snacks
All excursions

You invited her.

Now in the background I would ensure she had money for food drinks excursions purchases.

If 17 plus then I might well expect much of this to still be offered as your invite but I'd expect dd to get a job and save up to contribute.

And I'd have money in background again.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 26-Feb-14 09:58:37

Spain much easier lol!

Floggingmolly Wed 26-Feb-14 10:07:19

No you can't charge them! If their parents wanted to fund a skiing trip for their child, they'd take them themselves.
If you want a companion to make your child's holiday more enjoyable (or yours less hassle); you pay.
The idea of presenting a bill hmm

GoldenBeagle Wed 26-Feb-14 10:08:18

If you are incredibly wealthy and can absorb the cost of other teens, fine, invite her as a guest.

Otherwise, If we knew a family of one of DC's friends well enough, and believed they could reasonably afford a ski-ing hol for their child, I would broach it in a way that made it clear that I was offering to take her with us but not exactly inviting her as a free guest. So "we're planning another ski trip next * and we'd be happy to take * along with us if she's like to come. Sorry we can't cover all her costs, but it will be about ££££" They can only say yes or no!

I wouldn't ask if I thought that would embarrass them because they had no chance of affording it.

But in many ways if parents want to enable their kids to have a ski hol other parents taking them may actually make it affordable as they then don't have to go themselves.

It could be a holiday sharing offer rather than an invite, iyswim.

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