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I'm not your mummy. Opinions please.

(301 Posts)
Achangeisgoingtocome Tue 25-Feb-14 22:22:55

Following on from a previous thread. I'm trying to encourage my colleagues to make more of an effort not to call parents mummy and daddy but to use either their first names or address them more formally. It's literally baby steps but I am making some progress. So, I've been asked to gather some information about why addressing parents as mummy/daddy is the wrong thing to do. The plan is to have articles on our staff notice board. I thought the best place to start is right here. Talking to people who have had experience of this. Specifically with healthcare professionals. How does it really make you feel? Do you even mind? Does it happen in all healthcare settings? Do you think you should be asked what you like to be called? Is using your first name too informal?

Thanks in advance!

Funnyfoot Tue 25-Feb-14 22:26:41

That person is not my child. I am not their mummy or daddy. The right to call me that is reserved for my children.

Although admittedly when I am talking to the dog I do occasionally say "who's a good boy, what treat has mummy got for you today" blush

HumphreyCobbler Tue 25-Feb-14 22:27:16

I don't stress about it but I don't like it. I think everyone would rather be addressed by name given the choice.

The last time it happened to me was when my baby ds was admitted to hospital. The doctor who was dealing with him looked absolutely knackered, I couldn't hold his failure to use my name against him. I was too grateful for his expertise.

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 25-Feb-14 22:27:44

I'm guessing you work facing parents and children. At first I thought you meant your colleagues calling their parents mum and dad.
Never really bothered me if the person saying it was not a pompous arse anyway. Or tried to patronise. Otherwise it would be a convenient thing to start with in altering their perception and manner.

Funnyfoot Tue 25-Feb-14 22:27:46

Oh and just to add I am Mrs Foot or just Funny. Unless I am complaining about something I prefer to be addressed as Funny.

RandomInternetStranger Tue 25-Feb-14 22:29:47

I'm not sure I understand. If it is professionals addressing a child then the child knows its parent as Mummy/Daddy so would be confusing to call them something different. If the child is not theirs then of course they should not be referred to as parents. If it's a professional talking to or about me in my role as a parent I am perfectly happy to be called Mummy.

BackforGood Tue 25-Feb-14 22:30:13

Who are these people ?
I've heard of people being referred to as 'Joe's Mum' or whatever in school, but seriously, does anyone really call other adults 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' ??? shock

SummerRain Tue 25-Feb-14 22:31:47

I really dislike this too, if they are talking to my child why on earth can't they say 'your mommy' instead? And if speaking directly to me use my name ffs. My name is not mommy, even my children know my name and refer to me by it appropriately, mommy is their term for me and theirs alone.

As for midwives who refer to a woman as mum when there's not even a child in the room angry My name is on a sheet of paper in front of you, take the millisecond to read it when I come into the room for God's sake!

OpalQuartz Tue 25-Feb-14 22:33:29

I'm assuming the op is a health care professional, although she didn't specify what job she does

GarlicLeGrenouille Tue 25-Feb-14 22:34:20

What, you mean adults address you directly as Mummy? shock

How incredibly weird! I've vaguely seen these discussions, and assumed the other adult was talking to the child - which might be irritating, but logical. Or schoolyard mums, who might only know you (temporarily) as Phoebe's Mummy. But grown-ups calling you, in a professional capacity, Mummy? Freaky.

I'm not a parent, as you can tell!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Tue 25-Feb-14 22:35:44

Interesting. When DD was tiny DW thought it might be a good idea to address me as Daddy and not in the third person.

I gently explained I thought it wasn't quite right as we were a couple as well as DD's parents. Fair enough she said. What I couldn't show, and still can't explain, was the instant boiling crimson rage I felt. Really alarming sensation, and quite upsetting.

Mumraathenoisylion Tue 25-Feb-14 22:36:03

I hate people other than my children calling me mum/mummy. It makes me feel like that is my only role in life which at times I have felt myself, I do not need anyone to reinforce that view as it added to my pnd.

Skang Tue 25-Feb-14 22:36:34

It comes across that the person can't be bothered to remember or even find out your name. Also it is just embarrassing for adult to be using baby talk to another adult.

TeamEdward Tue 25-Feb-14 22:36:51

Context is everything.
If staff member is speaking to child, Mummy/Daddy is acceptable.
If staff member is speaking to the parent, Mr/Mrs/Ms Surname is most respectful. I think you should have to be invited to use first names.

Not quite the same, but I hate it when in the bank they start calling me by my first name. "Now, Team. Did you know we could offer you a loan today?" I always think "That's Mrs Edward to you..."

Achangeisgoingtocome Tue 25-Feb-14 22:39:38

I'm a healthcare professional and work with little ones. It's when we are talking to parents that mummy and daddy slips in. I'm trying to make my colleagues aware that we should be addressing them by their names. I want your thoughts and opinions so that I can show them to everyone.

Quangle Tue 25-Feb-14 22:40:03

I don't mind this in a health care setting. In a busy a&e for instance I'm not surprised that staff don't have time to focus on my name as well as my child's and I'd rather he was the focus. So in that context don't mind.

KiwiBanana Tue 25-Feb-14 22:40:30

There's no big reason why I don't like it, it's mostly just because that's not my name. It's easy enough to find out my name and then refer to me as it, to not do that is just rude.

I understand in special circumstances like someone up thread said though, say if it's a knackered doctor in hospital dealing with your poorly child, then that's fair enough.

SweetPenelope Tue 25-Feb-14 22:41:18

It doesn't bother me.

HairyPotter Tue 25-Feb-14 22:41:54

Slightly different, we were in a restaurant last week and the waitress kept referring to dh and I as Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear hmm It wouldn't have been quite so cringy if my two dds weren't 15 and 11.

Im not keen on being referred to as mummy by anyone other than my children. And even they don't bother with that anymore. sad grin

Achangeisgoingtocome Tue 25-Feb-14 22:41:58

What if you were long term on a ward though?

JessMcL Tue 25-Feb-14 22:43:28

Do you mean as in say your nanny saying to your DC "let's ask mummy shall we?" or actually going up to you and calling you "mummy?". If its the latter then yes- that's odd. Otherwise I don't see the issue...?

GarlicLeGrenouille Tue 25-Feb-14 22:43:42

Oh, don't just think it, Mrs Edward, correct them. Undramatically, for preference smile

The more I think about this, the more freakish it looks! It's akin to my going to the dentist with carrier bags in hand, and being called Shopper. Or my work clients greeting me as Sales Rep. Or, indeed, all those twats who call you Blondie, Sexy, and the like.

And like The Prisoner: "I am not a number! I have a name!" grin

WooWooOwl Tue 25-Feb-14 22:45:03

It has never bothered me in the slightest when I've been referred to as mummy, but the only person that I ever remember doing it was our HV and she was lovely.

I'd rather HCPs worried about the important stuff instead of having to constantly refer to notes to try and remember every parents preferred title.

GarlicLeGrenouille Tue 25-Feb-14 22:45:36

the waitress kept referring to dh and I as Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear

shock

Innogen Tue 25-Feb-14 22:46:39

I couldn't give less of a shit if I tried, I'm sorry.

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