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ASD diagnosis finally, but now I have to make a serious complaint. (sorry long)

(101 Posts)
NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 09:26:26

About the report itself,
I received the letter last night s its still very raw, I expected it with my family experience of ASD but still, i thought i'd feel a rush of relief to have answers, a name but I don't. I feel largely numb.
To make clear its not the diagnosis, symptoms I am taking issue with, I agree mostly and having been telling them these things for a while.
I had to ring the Centre as I received a text last year around november saying about the wrap up meeting , i was injured and rang up to re organise, to be told I wasn't written down anyway confused
I received a letter saying i missed a meeting over Christmas time confused
And I rang up , albeit in February due to illness, to receive a rude abrupt woman saying the centre had moved far out over a year ago, and i should have known this, despite
a) not having been since 2012,
b) the hospital switchboard has a woman who takes messages for the centre, never once was I told by this woman.
In general I just thought, people are busy its one of those things ....until i read this on my sons report.

^the report findings have been produced without prior discussion with * parents as they have failed to engage with the ******* *** feedback and follow up appointments'
shock sad angry

What feedback? they have been to the school a few times without even letting us know at all, i was told by a teacher afterwards, I understand to an extent they need to be unaware for the assessment to work, but i shouldn't be.
Playgroup made sure we were well aware, in the past.
Relevant chunks of information have been left out or phrased incorrectly on the report.

toileting is his biggest developmental milestone, BM's are still an issue (won't on the loo) it hasn't been mentioned, they have briefly mentioned he won't wee at school, in the 'strengths' area it said he is toilet trained!!?? he is partially at best, of course relating to the point above, had they bothered to do their jobs and ask us they would have known this, His attendance is poor, due to how hard it is to get out of my building with a pram up several flights of stairs, if the weathers particularly bad, etc he can't go, I have no help anymore and its not something i can help , we are loving desperately to move, i.e for example my neighbour was moving the other day and left furniture out on the landing we share and went out , angry so that was it , i couldn't take him. I admittedly don't always ring up to tell them he's not coming after rudeness in the past , that is my bad, although he's not in compulsory school atm so they don't make an issue. Again, it mentions his poor attendance but not the reason why, which is wrong , living conditions to that level ARE relevant and the absence of correct information reflects badly on me. although i'm aware i don't know if the school has been giving all relevant information.
I am re reading, making bullet points to make a written complaint, i will be having a word with teachers today, asking how much information did they give to accurately portray my DS care needs or is it a case of CDC cherry picking information and incompetent report making.
We do have a meeting planned but i need to get the ball rolling on this I have never been so angry in my life, I've had little sleep thinking about this.

Should i talk to teachers informally or formally??

DarlingGrace Wed 19-Feb-14 10:00:40

I'm sorry, but you are the one cherry picking reasons not to take him to school and you have no excuse for not ringing the school out of courtesy to say you will be absent.

Ringing up in February to apologise for missing an apt at Christmas? really?

Unless you have a 1920's silver X, prams and buggies these days are so light they can be lifted with one hand. I don't buy into being unable to get down the stairs if the weather is bad.

You must have agreed to outside agencies coming to assess your child. These notifications and requests are done in writing.

These sorts of thing are two way - if you really want to move and improve his attendance, you need the school to buy into this and back your application for new housing. If you persist in ostracising them, they won't help you.

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 19-Feb-14 10:01:06

Am i missing something, they correctly say you have missed appointments and attendance is poor with no explanation (given you dont phone in are they meant to be mind readers?). You cant complain about facts, you can state your side of things.

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 19-Feb-14 10:03:20

Opps pressed send too soon.

With regards to the steps and housing, the EWO will not see this as a reasonable excuse in any way to miss school. Lots of people live in buildings wth steps, its hardly unique.

hickorychicken Wed 19-Feb-14 10:05:07

They came to the school without your knowledge? IME things like that are arranged and discussed in IEP's, providing you attend those?

NoTeaForMe Wed 19-Feb-14 10:08:39

I'm in agreement with the two previous posters. There are unexplained absences and attendance is poor. You can't complain about that. You should be doing all you can to get him to school, and when you truly can't you should be phoning the school. Do they not oboe you if they haven't heard from you?!

I can't believe you phoned in feb re a missed December appointment yet you're complains they have said you missed appointments!

You need to sort these issues out before they will ever take a complaint from you seriously!

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:10:39

No i have not been phoned for appointments or received letters did the people not read that the first one was out of the blue and wrong?
Darling Grace in the nicest way please educate yourself on how difficult some housing it,
in the the example above i could physically to get past to get down the stairs, its its raining really heavily the steps i have to go down backwards with a pram can be very dangerous, I injured myself on them. i have 4 flights to go down, I do ring , but not every time due to rudeness in the past

Not really the issue at hand though is it? hmm

dishonest statements and relevant info kept off an educational report? not good enoiugh.

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:12:10

am I talking to brick walls? hmm

I live up 4 flights of stairs , big ones , no lift 1 pram to carry , tiny landing , not a house with steps.

Impatientismymiddlename Wed 19-Feb-14 10:12:24

I don't think that you have any grounds for complaint. The fact that you have missed several appointments and fail to get your son to school regularly due to fairly minor issues could be a reason for social care to be alerted to offer some support. Social care might be able to support a housing application to get you into a more suitable property. In the meantime you have to get your son to school even if you have to tackle the stairs during days of bad weather.
The report does seem like some things might be missing, but as you haven't kept all of the appointments the assessments are probably as complete as possible in the circumstances.
I think you should forget about complaining and concentrate on making things easier for you and your son. Work with school, social care and any other services to get suitable housing, get your son to school and meet all future appointments. Most agencies can be very helpful.

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:13:20


hickorychicken Wed 19-Feb-14 10:13:36

Fucking hell not another one hmm

noblegiraffe Wed 19-Feb-14 10:13:55

Who is in the pram? Could they be put in a sling instead, which would be significantly easier for negotiating stairs? I carry my 13 month old in an Ergo on the school run because of steps.

(If you are going to mention steps, then you need to anticipate this sort of question and say why you must use a pram)

Impatientismymiddlename Wed 19-Feb-14 10:14:35

How old is the little one? Could you get a sling or backpack toddler carrier to make navigating the stairs easier? They do a backpack carrier that converts to a lightweight pushchair; that would make the stairs much less problematic as it would free up you hands to help your oldest son down the stairs.

littlewhitebag Wed 19-Feb-14 10:14:58

I would think that given you have the diagnosis you wanted, you now need to start engaging fully with the process and not complaining about what has already gone before.

You have not turned up to meetings and you have kept your child off school on flimsy excuses and not called to inform them either. You have no leg to stand on. You have not engaged fully with the assessment process.

I would advise you to attend the next meeting and focus on the intervention required for your child rather than raising petty grievances.

NoTeaForMe Wed 19-Feb-14 10:15:24

Yep, and I agree that's tough but unfortunately that's where you live... How old is the child in the pram? Is there anywhere to leave the pram downstairs? Do you need the pram? Tou can't not take your child to school because of walking stairs. To not ring them is beyond rude of you.

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:16:14

i have a toddler and baby
out side steps and 3 sets of stairs ,

the outside steps can be too dangerous in bad weather, thats just the way it is.

the school are aware of my housing issue etc I often run late etc, I need a 15 minute window to get out of the building, this is not a house with steps, I'd kill for a house with steps.
I used to have help but they moved so i'm kind of stuck.

DarlingGrace Wed 19-Feb-14 10:17:12

nagging sweetheart - don't ever assume anything about another poster love.

You don't ring. They ear mark you as uninterested and feckless. Carry on like that and EWO will have you into court.

NoTeaForMe Wed 19-Feb-14 10:19:24

What do you mean a 15 min window up get out of the building?

Right so a baby can be carried in a sling?! Is it a toddler and baby plus the child we're talking about or is that the toddler, reading back I've missed the age of the child in the OP!

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:20:31


I might hide this thread complete waste of time, the statement is dishonest and relevant info not put on ,and not being made aware of them coming into school, any behaviour on my part does not excuse that. you do not live in my building don't make uninformed statements that are false,
I will soon people to out my youngest on reins , he's just not quite there yet, but i accept your point noble,

NaggingNellie Wed 19-Feb-14 10:21:39

Well you've made assumptions about me DarlingGrace ? again educate yourself, you don't live in my building.

Impatientismymiddlename Wed 19-Feb-14 10:23:01

I need a 15 minute window to get out of the building,

Do you account for that 15 minutes in your morning routine? My school run takes 1 hour (2 different schools) so I account for that in my wake up and departure from the house time.
It's also better to be late than not turn up at all and you need to phone them before 10am whenever your child isn't going to be in school (good manners at the very least).

FloppyPoppyCocky Wed 19-Feb-14 10:24:05

So start leaving the house 15 minutes earlier? Get up 30 minutes earlier if you have to. There really is no excuse for not taking you son to school. By the way you are writing his attendance must be terrible.

DarlingGrace Wed 19-Feb-14 10:24:48

I can't be doing with the pity party. 90% of the worlds population doesn't have any recourse to education and it is a sad fact in this country a large proportion don't value the easy and free access to all the resources.

HappyMummyOfOne Wed 19-Feb-14 10:25:41

Then just factor the fifteen minutes and get up earlier! Your choice to live their and have children, its steps not a mountain!

HyvaPaiva Wed 19-Feb-14 10:25:53

if the weathers particularly bad, etc he can't go

i missed a meeting over Christmas time and I rang up, albeit in February due to illness

I understand disability. I understand aching difficulty. These examples are nothing but feckless.

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