Please note that threads in this topic are removed from the archive 90 days after the thread was started. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it.

Would you sacrifice living space?

(52 Posts)
Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 06:51:10

We're waiting for a counter-offer to be accepted on our flat. We are selling because we need to move out of this area (noise, drugs, DH hates it). We have found somewhere in a neighbouring village to the city centre we are now. Price of new place almost the same as what we are selling for.

The living space is smaller (currently 6 room flat, moving to 4 room flat) and some of what there is is unusable - top floor flat, sloping roof. We would have more storage though, as the "attic" is just for us. Although not more storage/no cupboards in the living area of the flat, the cellar is larger.

Main bedroom is under a sloping roof, so not high enough for a standard ikea wardrobe. (DH says this is ok, he doesn't need a wardrobe, will keep most of his clothes in the cellar hmm)

The washing machine will be in a communal room down in the basement (rather than in the flat as we are now) - we have two pre-school children so lots of washing and I think it's not practical. DH who has done one load in the last 4 years, thinks its much better to have it in the cellar. Each time I put a load on I will have to take the children down with me.

We could potentially get a hobby room in the cellar where we would put the office stuff /books/exercise bike on one side and a workbench on the other side. But it's cement floor and unheated so not sure if it's suitable for DC to play in there at all.

No garden, but a balcony large enough for table, bbq, couple of chairs maybe. Admittedly we have no garden now, but this is one of the reasons I want to move, so the children would have somewhere to play.

Trade this in to move to an area where the schools and neighbourhood are better and they wouldn't have to get a bus to school?

Fairylea Mon 17-Feb-14 06:58:06

The washing machine thing would be an absolute deal breaker for me! Is there no way you could have it in another room in the flat?! I'd hate having to go to a communal cellar with the dc every time I wanted to put a wash on (I do about 2-3 washes a day).

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 06:59:19

The laundry room in the cellar would rule it out for me. Laundry is something you do constantly, why would you pay for the privilege of making it a total PITA? These are the kind of reasons people get out of rentals not deliberately buy. No garden, smaller space - sounds like a big NO. Keep looking, you will find something.

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 07:00:10

Cross post with Fairylea

ivykaty44 Mon 17-Feb-14 07:01:49

If it isn't a problem for your dh now stop washing and let him do it but insist he walk out of the building before he loads the machine

Bedtime1 Mon 17-Feb-14 07:03:31

I think I would move if the area was that bad.. Drugs, noise etc. that would be safer for the children. Could you find a way to have the washing machine in the kitchen.

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:08:55

See, it's something that has absolutely no impact on DH's day to day life. But I think a big one on mine. No, there would be no possibility of having it in the flat. I do about 3-4, maybe likely to increase as one DC is starting to potty train and the other isn't wholly reliable so I sometimes have extra bedding to do.

I immediately hated it when I saw it, thought it was claustrophobic the way the ceiling slopes down. DH loved it and said if I won't even consider it then I'm shattering his dreams. That he never, ever thought we would be able to afford to move to this neighbourhood. And that it will be far, far better for the DC's school wise. He suggested if I want a house with a garden I should get myself a proper job.

It is literally the only affordable thing we have found in the region that has a decent bus service. We have one car and DH uses it to go to work so I need to be able to get the bus/be close enough to use a bike.

I have contacted the agents again and asked about reserving it but before I sign anything I want to see it again. I didn't look at details (just a general impression as I was the one chasing the children to try and get them to put the building materials down).

BranchingOut Mon 17-Feb-14 07:12:13

It doesn't sound that great, but I think most US and Canadian apartment blocks have a communal washing arrangement.

People tend to do it all in one go, as far as I can tell.

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 07:13:20

What about your dreams? It's sounds like it could be a prison cell not a dream. Can you find a rental and keep saving for a deposit on a better place. Don't sign on the dotted line for a place where you will be unhappy. This could spell doom for your marriage if you let him bully you.

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:15:02

Oh, meant to say, with a hobby room in the basement, we would have the same floor space as we do now, just have it split between underground (with a small window below ground level, under a grate) and the top floor of the building.

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 07:16:42

I have lived in the US and sharing laundry areas is just for students or the desperate (i.e. no choice). Unless you are in NYC or a historic downtown in Seattle/Chicago US apartments are bigger and have a room in the apartment just for laundry - not in the kitchen or bathroom.

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:16:49

He says for the house of my dreams, I should have married a banker!

Seriously though, he has also said if we do get somewhere with a garden, he will not help me with any work that needs doing in it.

Sigh. Can you tell he was brought up in a city and I was in the country.

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 07:19:56

You can manage a garden as the kids get older, you can have a smaller garden. He doesn't sound very kind, is this your DH?

Bedtime1 Mon 17-Feb-14 07:30:08

Why wouldn't he help you with any work if you got a house with a garden? That sounds mean.
If it really is bad , just keep looking for something else so you can all get away from the drugs etc, As soon as you can.

malteserzz Mon 17-Feb-14 07:31:19

I would sacrifice living space but I think the laundry thing is too much hassle and that would be a deal breaker for me. I don't like his attitude at all, big decisions like this you both need to be happy about.

Morgause Mon 17-Feb-14 07:33:02

No. For all the reasons mentioned.

TheGirlOnTheLanding Mon 17-Feb-14 07:34:13

Quite aside from the practical issues, you need to find a place to live that will make you both happy. Telling you you that you will shatter his dreams if you don't give in is at best emotional blackmail, at worst bullying. Does he think he gets the final say because he is the main earner? If so you have a problem that is nothing to do with where you live. You mention him saying you need to get a 'proper' job if you want to buy a more expensive house - is this also an area of conflict? I think I'd focus on resolving those issues before tying myself into a mortgage on a house I didn't like with a man who doesn't seem respectful or kind to me.

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:37:53

Yes, my DH.

I have agreed to look at it again (if it's still free. We viewed it on Saturday, it's possible it's no longer available) and try and look for some positives! I don't know how far I'm willing to go so that the children don't have to go to school here.

He also says that it would be easier to sell in the future than where we are now. But that I have to be realistic as to what we can afford.

It's public transport and school vs living space and garden (and being stuck in the country with no mans of transport)

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:40:16

He resents being the only earner. I had DC straight out of uni and haven't managed to find a job. (not for want of trying, but I have the disadvantage of language against me).

He's also worried that villages in the countryside are often anti-foreigner and he thinks this might be a problem for me and the DC if we were to move to such a village.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 17-Feb-14 07:40:37

Is it only a choice between this new place and where you are? No chance of anything else? I'd do anything to move away from a and area so if no other choices I'd take it. The laundry would be ok, it only takes a minute to start a load and empty a load. Though I'd be concerned if its your private machine in a communal area would others use it?

Beechview Mon 17-Feb-14 07:47:50

You both need to be happy about the move. Your dh isn't being fair to you.

I'd move there if there really was no where else just get out of the current horrible environment, but if there is a chance of something else decent coming up. I'd wait a bit.

Squashedinabox Mon 17-Feb-14 07:50:25

I don't know how that would work, that's one thing I need to ask. I'm assuming you'd need a key card to make it work but I'm not sure. There would be one machine per flat so a room with 10 machines in it.

I've been looking for half a year or so and found nothing. DH would only look once we had someone who is willing to buy...but now we need somewhere fast! It's the

Stupidly where we are it is 'cheaper' to buy. We can't afford the rent but could afford a mortgage (deposit is on loan from IL's and my parents) and we pay the same amount in interest every three months as a month's rent would be for an equivalent place.

GeeinItLaldy Mon 17-Feb-14 07:50:53

Laundry room arrangement would be a pain in the ass but wouldn't be the deal breaker for me. The size of the flat and the fact that it already makes you feel claustrophobic would be, though. And you are the one who will be spending most time in it as you're home all day with the children. I can understand your desire to be in a better area for schools etc but does it have to be this particular flat? Could you rent for a little while until something more suitable comes along?

HoneyandRum Mon 17-Feb-14 07:51:51

What are your backgrounds and which languages do you speak? Does he help you with the DC? Have you got friends and/or family locally?

GeeinItLaldy Mon 17-Feb-14 07:52:21

Sorry, x-posted with your explanation about the cost of renting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now