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Teenage Pregnancies...

(41 Posts)
Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 17:44:49

Please can you share your stories with me if you are/were a teenager when you had your first child, or if your own child has gone on to be a parent whilst still a teenager.

I am interested to know how you all coped, and if you/they managed to achieve ambitions and follow dreams whilst becoming a parent so young.

TIA.

(Will also post this elsewhere, when I've worked out the best place for it! smile)
Add message | Report | Message poster Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 17:42:59
Meant to delete that very!

FrigginRexManningDay Sun 09-Feb-14 17:48:39

Is it a general wonderment or for an article?

Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 18:02:00

Friggin..now that I've private messaged you and disclosed all the information I was hoping to keep private, are you going to ignore my post? hmm I'm such a mug!

ElleMcFearsome Sun 09-Feb-14 18:12:21

Well I had DD at 18. 9.5 months after I got married. She's now 18 and my other DD is about to turn 16. I got divorced and eventually re-married. I'm now 36 and finishing my degree in Politics, Philosophy and Economics at the OU.

Eldest DD is studying A Levels, hoping to go to Uni to study psychology/childhood development with the aim of becoming a teacher, preferably with children with additional needs. Younger DD is taking GCSes this summer, is predicted A-C grades and is aiming for an International Relations/similar degree after A Levels.

I'm not sure what else you want to know. It was incredibly difficult, yes. Do I regret it? No smile

Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 18:22:16

Thanks ElleMcFearsome

Wow - 36 and they're all grown up! That's a real success story. There's something to be said for having them young. Thanks for that. Good luck with finishing your degree smile

ElleMcFearsome Sun 09-Feb-14 18:29:28

Happy for you to PM me if there's something specific - not prepared to put all the ups and downs out there in public!

MamaPain Sun 09-Feb-14 18:32:41

I had my first DC as a teen and one of my DC has had a child as a teen, although as he is male if been slightly less involved than were it my daughter.

For our family it's not been an issue because we've all gone on to have or are on our way to full educations and successful careers. The thing I would say is that for us it's normal, my mother was a teen when I was born, same for my grandparents and the generation before that, same for most of my aunts and uncles. I think that that means when a teen announces they're pregnant there isn't a feeling of disappointment, like giving up or if there life has been wrecked. It's not considered to concerning which means everyone carries on and achieves what they planned to. A baby isn't seen as an excuse.

Also we get lots of family help as everyone is positive and supportive.

CrimsonDay Sun 09-Feb-14 18:39:44

Well I had DD at 18, then a year later had DS aged 19.

They are 2 and 20 months now, and I won't pretend it's not hard, but it's not the end of the world to have them young.

I lost my job before DD was born, and I hated the assumptions other people made about me. DP also lost his job a month later so it was doubly hard.

I would say we are a 'success story' though. I have returned to work full time in a good job, DP has joined us in a new area after having to be apart a while while he grew up.

My children are happy and healthy, we are doing ok as a little family.

Sorry that was long shock hope it helps

carabos Sun 09-Feb-14 18:53:58

Not quite what you're looking for, but DM had me in 1963 aged 17 and my sister a year later. Catholic, shotgun wedding. My parents remained married until we were teenagers, during which time DM got a degree in Education, became a teacher, followed that with a Masters in Public Policy and became head of a specialist unit.

DF went to the most senior rank in his profession, I went to grammar school, DSis (11+ had stopped) went to a private school. We are both graduates and senior in our own professions.

Being a teenage parent isn't a recipe for disaster. It depends on the context.

FrigginRexManningDay Sun 09-Feb-14 18:59:10

I wasn't ignoring you I was doing physio with dc. I gave you my experience in the pm.

loveliesbleeding1 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:12:50

Had ds at 18 married at 19,dd1 at 20, still married, dc in college now, hard but motherhood is hard however old, isn't it.I love being a young mum, I have had my fair share of jobs, but no career, as I wanted to be at home with the dc.I have not missed anything by being a younger mother, and I would do the same again given the chance.It helps having a great dh, who has the same values.

MandatoryMongoose Sun 09-Feb-14 19:18:47

I had DD at 15.

When DD was born I dropped out of highschool with no GCSEs and moved in with her father. It was a difficult relationship and I had very little money. My family weren't terribly supportive either. That combination of things made it difficult for me to work or study when she was little.

By the time she started school I had split from her Dad and lived alone on benefits. I went to college and did an access course (1yr) and English and Maths GCSE. I went to Uni at 22, I had to do a foundation year + 3 years for a degree but that was due to my subject choice. I could have gotten on to a 3 year course in various subjects. I did have some help while at Uni, my DGM collected DD from school once a week when I had late lectures (I could have used the after school club and would have got a grant from student finance to help with costs).

Comparing it to having my DS at 28 - and funnily enough being back studying - there are some things that are easier and some more difficult. I actually had a more supportive group of friends back then and I definitely had more energy! The fact I was broke all the time when DD was little was tough but I'm not flush now either and I have a lot more debt and responsibility. Family are much more supportive now so that's helpful and of course I now have my lovely husband and DD around to help out with things too.

My only regret (not even really a regret) is that I wish I'd had the 'uni lifestyle' and maybe gone travelling but my plan is to grow old disgracefully and catch up on anything I missed!

If you have any specific questions I'm happy to answer them.

Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 21:41:05

Thanks everyone.

You are all brilliant and inspiring. Thanks for being so open. I hope there are other people lurking, too, perhaps who are in a similar situation, and who can find some encouragement and comfort from your posts.

alabasterangel Sun 09-Feb-14 21:51:38

I'm the grown up child of a single teenage mum in the 70s. She was 2 weeks past 16th bday when she had me.

I'm early 40s now and a successful graduate, great job, great marriage and 2 kids. I've got a lot of things emotionally that my peers from traditional upbringings do not always have. Being the child of a very young teenage mum hasn't affected my life adversely in any way, but I know it was tough for her.

Bogeyface Sun 09-Feb-14 21:54:32

Well I was, but I am not posting about it until I am sure I am not being Guardian Fodder!

Misfitless Sun 09-Feb-14 23:36:21

Thanks alabasterangel.

Well, your mum certainly showed them, didn't she! I bet she must have come up against a lot of hostility and criticism back then. I hope all those people are aware of what a great job she did bringing you up smile.

Bogeyface don't post your story. I too am now pretty concerned that a journalist might see this thread and use it. (I've posted it in three different places blush.)

(--At least it would make a refreshing change from all the negative shite that we read/hear in the media about teenage mums!--)

If that is the case, you'll all think I was a journalist all along.

I've private messaged two people who said that they didn't want their stories to be public, and explained why I started the thread.

Tbh, I should have name changed and just been more open about my reasons for asking.

If anyone is concerned please feel free to pm me and I'll fill you in.

Thanks all you wonderful mums (and dads, perhaps.)

Dwerf Sun 09-Feb-14 23:39:52

Why are you asking? pm me?

Bogeyface Sun 09-Feb-14 23:46:12

Perhaps you should get this thread deleted?

Bogeyface Sun 09-Feb-14 23:46:53

For the record, I have the best young single mum story ever (about my H's grandma) but that deserves it own thread one day!

lubeybooby Sun 09-Feb-14 23:55:02

I had my DD when I was 16. She's 18 this year and is just amazing. I wouldn't change a single thing about having her - more family support and her dad not leaving me may have helped but they were out of my control. I've always provided for her and given her a solid, totally stable life.

I continued my education via distance learning through most of my adult life, it was no disaster and hasn't stopped either of us achieving.

I'm pretty sure she's not going to be a young mum herself, but if she did I'd have no qualms supporting her.

IneedAwittierNickname Sun 09-Feb-14 23:55:24

Why are you asking?

I had ds1 just days shy of my 20th birthday. Technically that made me a teenage mum, although I was legally an adult [the teenage label to me would mean 17 or under)

9 years and another baby later, I'm a single mum. Ds1 is often described as one of the nicest children.in his school.
Ds2 is one of the brightest.

We are happy and healthy.

hellooctober01 Mon 10-Feb-14 00:08:33

I'm the product of a teenage parent!
DM had me at 17, we lived in the kitchen of my grandparents house until DM met my Stepdad at uni and had my DSis at 22. We both know she didn't mean to have us but she's glad she did grin
Because DM and I sort of grew up together, she struggled to properly parent me and was never really 'mumsy.' I cooked dinners for the family as soon as I was old enough to use the oven because she's useless at it, I washed my own clothes else they wouldn't get done because she'd forget or prioritise her own, If I didn't go to the supermarket with her she would even forget to buy me food for my packed lunch or, later, days off college. She always felt bad after but couldn't seem to change. We were too close and she would project her money worries, relationship issues and grown up stuff onto me and I do feel like I never was a proper child and like I have a good friend instead of a mum.
DSis on the other hand had her dad to sort her out and though he is a good father to me, loves me as his own, brought me up and will be walking me down the aisle, he did parent her differently and picked up DMs slack and then some. She struggles a bit at real lifey stuff after being so coddled and is a real worrier. The contrast between us is startling!
The worst thing is DM feels she missed out on a lot and tells us about it all the time, once my sister leaves home she's buggering off to live and work abroad. I'm glad she gets to live her life but sad that she makes it clear we held her back and has no interest in being around for DSis and I when we have our families. She does love us, but has always put herself first for the most part. We definitely do feel like we were a burden all these years, which if I was a teen parent I would never make my child feel.

Bogeyface Mon 10-Feb-14 01:43:29

Hello

I had my son at 17 and at no point has he ever had to parent me, or himself. I am so sorry that you have been left feeling like a burden sad I hope that my son feels that he has been nothing but a gift and a joy to me.

I rather suspect, from what you have posted, that it had nothing to do with her age, but everything to do with her personality. It was never anything you could have changed. x

DrewsWife Mon 10-Feb-14 01:49:08

I had mine aged 19. Just 3 months after my birthday. So at the later end of the scale. I had dreams of being an officer in the navy. I'm an admin assistant now. Not quite my dream. I was single from she was 18 months due to violence. And now aged 36 nearly 37.... I finally got married to the man of my dreams.

I found it extremely difficult as I wasn't only single and working full time but I was also mum to a child with a severe dairy intolerance until she was 6. And then with rheumatoid arthritis aged 7.

Despite trying my best no one ever helped I found it so hard. I had few family and no friends..and if I am honest... I wouldn't have chosen those circumstances. I love my child don't get me wrong but holy moly. She will be 18 in June. sad

Bogeyface Mon 10-Feb-14 01:53:59

I was once asked if I would go through it all again (and mine isnt a nice story) to have DS, or if I would have my first child 10 years later, but risk that it wasnt the same child.

I said I would do it all again.

WWYD?

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