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Fantastic, my own shit is now in my garden. DIY help needed fairly urgently!

(190 Posts)
RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 11:47:48

At the bottom of the waste pipe from my toilet there is a square cover thing, it has come off completely. There is now a pool of my own shit, piss, and bog roll right by my back door. Boak boak boakity boak.

The pipe looks like it's made from plastic. What the feck do I buy from Homebase to stick it back on with?

I don't speak hammer or pipe so if anyone could explain to me, preferably in words of one syllable, what I should do that would be great.

DarlingGrace Sun 09-Feb-14 11:58:14

Call a plumber

FoxyBecky Sun 09-Feb-14 11:59:33

I'm so sorry but that proper made me laugh.

Erm. I have no idea.

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:06:25

Do I really need a plumber?
Oh bollocks, I thought I'd be able to just stick it back on.

Is there not some sort of shit resistant mega glue or something? It looks like it was some sort of white filler type stuff that was sticking it down before.

If I go to Homebase and ask someone will they laugh at me?

QueenQueenie Sun 09-Feb-14 12:07:44

Possibly, but better being laughed at than having shit outside your back door?!

I could be wrong but from your description I think it means that your drains are backed up and the cover thing coming off is a way of it escaping into your garden, rather than up your toilet and into your house.

SundaySimmons Sun 09-Feb-14 12:10:05

Why would you even contemplate going anywhere near it?

Get a man in to do it. Although I would have to hose away any 'debris' first!

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:11:24

That's very true.

I might as well have just take a squat in the gutter this morning.
And to top it all off it's been pissing down with rain all morning so that's helped the mess immensely. envy <-- vom face.

Is it something like this that has come off?

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:12:10

Oh dear Christ Resting. Are you serious?

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:13:31

Oh, no, it doesn't look like that picture.
It just looks like a piece of drain pipe to me.

thenightsky Sun 09-Feb-14 12:15:20

I'd get a plumber in.

HungryHorace Sun 09-Feb-14 12:16:29

That happened to us when our drains were blocked. Took a couple of men with hugely powerful jets of water about 5 minutes to solve.

foslady Sun 09-Feb-14 12:20:00

Check your main drain. If it's that blocked call whoever you pay your sewerage rates to

foslady Sun 09-Feb-14 12:21:45

Btw if it's your main drain and the sewerage company come out (ie not a drain clearing service) it's foc if it's blockef

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:23:57

Oh god, does it really mean the drains are blocked?
My LL is shit (no pun intended) if I have to wait for her to get it sorted I'll have typhoid before it's sorted.

Here's a picture of the cover bit, the top part is still stuck on just about, but the sides and the bottom aren't.

(Shit washed off to preserve anonymity obvs)

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:25:13

What's a 'main drain' and how do I find out if it's blocked.
God this escalated quickly!

foslady Sun 09-Feb-14 12:28:33

Look for the nearest man hole cover - will be a metal platr approx 18"x13". Ther'll be an open pipe (or shitty water backed up)

anothernumberone Sun 09-Feb-14 12:28:57

Are you in an urban or rural location. If you are in an urban location you are definitely connected to the main public sewer. Call out a pipe jetting service. If you are in a rural location you might need your septic tank?? or whatever drainage system you have emptied. Tbh calling the landlord is the best option.

SoulJacker Sun 09-Feb-14 12:35:27

Looks like you need a new soil pipe to me. Not sure what that was there before but your description of a bit of plastic stuck over the top sounds like it has happened once before and it's been a bodge replacement.

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:37:52

There's a manhole cover in next door's garden. It looks ok, can't see anything leaking out of it or anything.

I'm in a town so not a septic tank.

SoulJacker Sun 09-Feb-14 12:39:23

Soil pipes can break without there being a blockage. I think most people answering were imagining it was a drain cover that had come off which would only happen with a blockage.

SecretNutellaFix Sun 09-Feb-14 12:39:24

It sounds like the sewage pipe is blocked up. It might be further up the line, but it can have a knock on effect for a few houses.

RandallFloyd Sun 09-Feb-14 12:40:57

The pipe just looks like a really wide drain pipe.
Then a square has been cut out of it and another larger square stuck over the hole.

(I'm aware I sound like a complete clown but I really have no idea with this kind of thing!)

SundaySimmons Sun 09-Feb-14 12:42:44

No you are not a clown.

It's a mans job.

Slate me all you like, but this needs a man. Or two!

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