Please note that threads in this topic are removed from the archive 90 days after the thread was started. If you would like your thread to be retrievable for longer than that, please choose another topic in which to post it.

self centred people

(157 Posts)
whoislester Thu 06-Feb-14 21:54:32

how do you deal with self centred people. you know the type... those that you can spend an hour with and all they have talked about is themselves or thier kids. every time you mention yourself or your kids, within two sentances the story is back to them?

does anyone have any stragegies for engaging with people like that?

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 06-Feb-14 21:56:50

If you must deal with them just switch off and nod in the appropriate places. They don't give a shit about you and just want to hear their own voices anyway.

I find that yawning gets the message across.

Waflett Thu 06-Feb-14 21:57:50

No.

whoislester Thu 06-Feb-14 22:08:21

iamnotamindreader thats what i have been doing, but well it just makes me feel so unimportant

i mean im not wanting to dominate the conversation, but a little focus would be nice

Ragglefrock Thu 06-Feb-14 22:12:46

Watching with interest - I've also observed that self centred people are often the most dull and boring people with no conversation other than the minutiae of their lives - no really Im utterly uninterested in the extended version of your childs sleep pattern or nappy contents.

whoislester Thu 06-Feb-14 22:16:23

please dont get me wrong i love hearing about you and yours, but i aslo want to talk about me and mine

blush ..

I'm worried I'm this person. oh dear.

Financeprincess Thu 06-Feb-14 22:24:39

Well, OP, I would answer but I'd prefer to turn the conversation towards me, me, MEEEEE!

I know quite a few people like this. I feel pity for them. However, I am not above showing increasingly overt signs of abstraction until the message gets across. I also wait for the other person to draw breath so that I can change the subject to something anodyne.

I find it's best not to engage in competition with people like this. They are so un-self aware that they always win!

daffodillady Thu 06-Feb-14 22:26:15

I recently received an e-mail from a friend, telling me all about her appointment with her GP to discuss her stiff neck. Luckily it was easily resolved and she feels much better - until she develops the next thing. I'm betting on a Bunnion This information made for a nice long e-mail but she didn't make time or room to ask how I am.

I have advanced incurable ovarian cancer.

I think I have a really good self centred one here, right?

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 06-Feb-14 22:29:41

I don't know what you can do, I had a neighbour like this, I did like her but she could bore for Britain. I had stories about the height of all her nephew's and nieces compared to her own kids and her and her kid's various illnesses. She was a hypochondriac too.
She moved.

Daffo! shock

Financeprincess Thu 06-Feb-14 22:33:17

Sorry that you have such a silly friend, Daffodil.

I have found that it can be a nigh-on incurable condition.

Because they are so self-centered, the last thing they would ever do is actually realise it.

You would have to have titanium balls and strong desire to end your acquaintance to say to one of these types:

"Has it ever occurred to you that you never ask me a single question about me/my family/my interests? You only ever talk about yourself/your family/your interests - and furthermore, you steer any conversation drifting away from you straight back at yourself. You seem to have no ability to read body language - otherwise you would have sensed my feelings of discomfort and irritation at your dire conversational skills. It's tedious and boring, frankly - and it demonstrates that you have no interest in any other person, beyond using them as some sort of sounding board for your pronouncements of your own perceived brilliance. Up with it I will longer put. I bid you good day"

< smart turn on heel followed by door slam >

.

.

< creep back in sheepishly for handbag >

randomnamechanger Thu 06-Feb-14 22:44:45

I had the misfortune of going on a hen weekend with one of those types about a year ago. I'd never met her before but she dominated the whole weekend talking about herself extremely loudly. I could have written a book about her after spending the weekend with her, she literally told us all everything about herself, lots of things several times over.

What was annoying too was that most people just let her do it. I tried as much as possible to make conversation with others in a separate conversation even when she was banging on to us all as a group. She didn't like it but hey ho. Selfish cow.

whoislester Thu 06-Feb-14 22:52:44

daffodil thanks its not much but sometimes flowers help xxx

wodalingpengwin Thu 06-Feb-14 23:02:13

Sorry to read that daffodil. thanks

Strategy? If I'm thoroughly overdue a turn to speak I will say something like: "Right, changing the subject slightly, I want to ask you/tell you about this..." in a perfectly reasonable tone.

If they persist I use the same tactic on them and whenever they stop for breath I turn the subject to me and mine. Hah! Two can play at that game.

I would still prefer a 'conversation' with this sort of person though than anybody confrontational or argumentative.

TheEmpress Thu 06-Feb-14 23:04:27

I think it can sometimes be insecurity on their behalf.

Kidsarehardworkbutgoodfun Thu 06-Feb-14 23:06:08

Daffodil, I'm sorry about your illness. I'm impressed at your fortitude and sense of humour.

Watching with interest, people who drone on and on about themselves and never even politely ask about me infuriate, amaze and amuse me. Invariably I'm polite and listen to them.

One friend does it all the time. Nowadays on purpose I interject about my own life- just to see how long I can dominate the conversation for. Never long.

cithkadston Thu 06-Feb-14 23:12:25

I have a friend who is very Me-Me-Me and likes to dominate conversations talking about herself. It gets very boring.

I try now to only see her in a group situation, so that there are other people to talk to and it sort of dilutes her effect. If I do see her on a one-to-one basis then I tend to just smile and nod, or say 'hmmm' in a vague way when she talks. Or I change the subject, preferably to something to do with current affairs. It's actually quite funny as she visibly gets annoyed and irritated if the subject is changed to something that isn't about her and her problems. Another tactic when she's going on and on and on is for me not answer her and to just start talking to the kids 'Oh dear, don't play with that, children, now who'd like a biscuit?'

Dubjackeen Thu 06-Feb-14 23:20:12

Daffodil so sorry to read that. Your friend was telling you about her minor ailments and didn't even ask how you are. Unreal!

OP, I see it more and more every day. Used to have a boss who just waited to turn back every conversation to herself, and her self-centred life. Minutiae wouldn't even describe the details she found so fascinating about herself, and needed to share. I got very good at appearing to listen.

IneedAwittierNickname Thu 06-Feb-14 23:35:28

I have a friend like this.
If anyone mentions anything their dc has done well in she buts in with how good her dc are at the same subject, her dc2 is good at maths (got level 6 in year 6 sats, she says that's really equivalent to year 9, but quite a few dc I know also got level 6, so is it really, or do I know lots of very clever 11 year olds?)
Her dc4 is (according to her) really good at reading and writing, better of course than anyone else's.

Someone asked me a qs recently relating to the homework that our year 4s get set, there had been a parent/teacher meeting the dat before that they'd missed. I answered and she immediately cut across me, saying I was wrong and she would know as she has had 2 dc who have been in year 5 at the school. (as our answers didn't match I'm assuming its changed in the 2 years since her dc were that age)

When I mentioned a problem I'm having with my ex earlier to get advice/sympathy she spent forever telling me how lucky I am that my ex is involved blah blah blah. In the end one of the other mums there said "well that's really shit of him, but ineed wasnt comparing exs,so its not really relevant that yours is
crap" she continued to go on about how lucky I was.

::realises the irony of posting a 'me me me' post grin::
::gets coat and leaves::

IneedAwittierNickname Thu 06-Feb-14 23:36:13

Oh, forgot thanks for daffodil

BreconBeBuggered Thu 06-Feb-14 23:36:43

My neighbour is one of these. I get chapter and verse on every meal, day at work, online purchase, nasal discharge, period heaviness and duration...yet for some reason every time she mentions a family member by name she qualifies it with 'Montmorency, my middle one' or 'Eglantine, my second cousin'. I feel like I know every single one of the fuckers intimately, but I'd put money on her not even remembering my DH's name.

Have you composed a reply to your friend yet, daffodil?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now