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What job would you love to do? ( that doesn't actually exist )

(216 Posts)
Scarletohello Tue 04-Feb-14 20:46:37

Me I would be so happy if the Gvt created a job for me where I could go round all shops, cafes, small businesses, market stalls correcting all apostrophe and spelling mistakes!

I always want to correct them wherever I see them but I can't.

< I'd even do it for free...>

What's yours?

I would like to be Professional Cushion Plumper to the Stars.

I like plumping cushions.

Or a mattress tester. I would be given a different one each day - and would lie on it for a few hours before giving my verdict. I would have to report on its suitability for MNing and reclining to watch Toddlers & Tiaras.

WitchWay Tue 04-Feb-14 21:00:02

I'd like to jobshare the apostrophe & spelling mistake one please grin

I'd like to go backwards & forwards to the tip all day with loads of stuff to throw away & recycle - I love going to the tip. Nothing would be too dirty, smelly or heavy & I'd never mistakenly throw my car-keys into a skip.

Scarletohello Tue 04-Feb-14 21:05:01

Witch- do you want to come to mine, I've got loads of stuff that needs going to the tip? !

WitchWay Tue 04-Feb-14 21:05:30

Ooh yes please grin

dopeysheep Tue 04-Feb-14 21:06:28

Talking to random oddballs. I am a weirdo magnet so this would be easy and as it would be gainful employment it would be satisfying.
Any oddball, any time. As long as it is after 10 in the morning I am shit at early starts.

I would also like to apply for the position of Professional Kitten Entertainer.

There must be legions of kittens who need to chase a cotton reel on the end of a piece of string, or enjoy batting at a fluffy ball on a stick, or want a completely motionless lap to fall asleep on - but have nobody to fulfill their needs on a daily basis.

I would of course insist that the kitten's owner also employed a Professional Litter Tray Cleansing Operative and Worming Pill Administrator - I don't think that a PKE should have to do those less savoury tasks.

stargirl1701 Tue 04-Feb-14 21:08:51

Lighthouse Keeper!

It was a job but no longer existssad Bloody computers! angry

iklboo Tue 04-Feb-14 21:09:33

Kitten tummy raspberry bloweriser.

Salmotrutta Tue 04-Feb-14 21:10:29

I'd like to be the Council Trouser-Puller-Upper and Hair Brusher.

I'm sorry iklboo - that position has already been filled.

<< elbows iklboo out of door >>

Salmotrutta Tue 04-Feb-14 21:12:43

I should specify I will only be pulling up Ridiculously Low Slung Trousers and brushing Artfully Messed-Up Hair on The Feckless Yoof of Today.

Salmo - would you have powers of authority to arrest and incarcerate those guilty of sock/sandal wearing offences?

I, as a Council Tax payer, would be happy to see my hard-earned moolah spent on such an office.

Salmotrutta Tue 04-Feb-14 21:18:36

That might fall under the remit of The Appropriate Footwear Wardens Talc.

Union Rules and all that dontcha know?

Pan Tue 04-Feb-14 21:21:14

A friend of mine wants the job of steadying still the thighs of male gymnasts as they hang off the rings, preparing for their routine. There may be competition for this position.

Aintnobodylovesnanbetter Tue 04-Feb-14 21:23:51

Give on the spot fines to croc wearers

Flipping demarcation already and you haven't even started the new job yet.

I suppose you'll also refuse to yank up any trolleys that have sunk below mid thigh, or summink.

Those people in the Appropriate Footwear department talk about your lot all the time, by the way - and it isn't complimentary.

<< stirs >>

mineofuselessinformation Tue 04-Feb-14 21:24:31

I'd like the job of polishing the armour of Knights, with said tasty knights still in them! grin (Think Heath Ledger in a Knights Tale... Swoon!)

KatherinaMinola Tue 04-Feb-14 21:25:30

Yes I'd love the apostrophe one.

But my dream job would be making up names for all the paint colours (and lipstick colours and whatever). It probably does exist but I'm sure it's competitive envy

Katherina - there was a great New Names for Farrow & Ball Paint thread on MN a year or two ago - it was superb!

Mammabear31 Tue 04-Feb-14 21:28:09

I said only yesterday that I would quite happily be a professional baby cuddler. Hard work but someone has to do it!

Salmotrutta Tue 04-Feb-14 21:28:17

Everyone knows Appropriate Footwear is the dumping ground for them wot didn't make the grade in Trouser Pulling and Hair Brushing.

Innit.

StrawColoured Tue 04-Feb-14 21:28:52

Her Majesty's Official Wine Taster.

JuanPotatoTwo Tue 04-Feb-14 21:29:11

I've already floated this one past my fellow tennis watchers but it sank without trace. You know how they have proper tennis commentators who talk about match statistics, and technique and shot selection and any other number of sensible things?

Well I think there's a gap in the market (for me, obviously) to comment on such things as the nice red and black patent shoes Wawrinka sometimes sports, and the Elvis twitch to his lip Nadal gives when he's annoyed, and how the ball boys in some tournaments have fishing net type contraptions to retrieve the balls with, and what Djokovic's girlfriend is wearing, and the grunt Del Potro sometimes emits <swoon>, and other such irrelevancies. I mean, I could do the sensible stuff at a push but seems there's plenty of people already doing that.

bakeroony Tue 04-Feb-14 21:31:58

I would hand out electronic fines to tailgaters and cutter-uppers so they couldn't get out of their cars and bash me

I would still get satisfaction out of posting out the fines.

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