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I've just been told one of my best friend's has died.

(30 Posts)
Adikia Fri 31-Jan-14 10:42:22

She was one of the smartest women I've ever known, we would talk for hours on end. She helped me sort my life out and get into uni and has always been happy to help when I don't understand things. She desperately wanted kids but sadly couldn't have them so she spent her time trying to help mothers who couldn't cope, even opening up her home and supporting our other friend so she could keep her children. Her dreams in life were to open up a youth center and adopt a child, I just feel so bad she will never get to do that when she was fantastic with children and would have made a great mum.

My kids (9 and 5) adored her and she did a lot for us when we were going through a rough patch, she even drove us to a campsite for a holiday and picked us up again because the DC were desperate to go there and I can't drive. how they hell am I going to tell them? They were at school by the time I found out so haven't seen the state I'm in.

LilyJoAndMe Fri 31-Jan-14 10:44:25

So sorry for her , for you and all that loved her. (((((HUGS)))))

myflabberisgasted Fri 31-Jan-14 10:45:28

She sounds like a wonderful woman.

I am so sorry for your loss thanks
Xxx

Plumpcious Fri 31-Jan-14 10:46:02

So sorry for your loss. thanks

There is nothing useful I can say accept hugs, there is no easy way to tell children bad news except to tell them the truth and cry and hug together.

KoalaFace Fri 31-Jan-14 10:46:15

I'm so sorry. She sounds sensational.

Sending you and your dc lots of ((hugs))

SundaySimmons Fri 31-Jan-14 10:46:50

Sorry for your loss and what appears to be a complete shock at her passing.

Your children are old enough to be told and for you to tell them how upset you are. Children are sometimes able to cope with news of a death better than us.

Nancy66 Fri 31-Jan-14 10:48:02

Sorry to hear this. She sounds like a brilliant friend, the sort we'd all love.

xx

Im so sorry. What a shock for you. It sounds as though she did good things in her life and the improvements she made to the lives of those around her will continue after her death. Xx

BookFairy Fri 31-Jan-14 10:50:12

So sorry for your loss Adikia. She sounds a wonderful woman and friend x

Idespair Fri 31-Jan-14 10:55:48

This will hurt forever. I'm sorry.

As a lot of time passes, you will be able to live with it better but for now there will be shock and grief.

Your kids will be able to take this much better than you can, particularly the younger one. I would be honest with them and it would be fine for them to see you cry at the moment but after a week or two, I would personally cry where they can't see you because they will be much further towards healing than you.

Sorry.

Nancy66 Fri 31-Jan-14 10:59:14

Adikia, you could get your kids to draw a picture or write a letter about her and how much she meant to them and send it to her partner, mum or whoever she has close. it will really mean a lot to them and might help your kids too.

Adikia Fri 31-Jan-14 10:59:51

Thanks everyone, the dogs looking at me like I'm an idiot, which would of made her laugh.

ToxicHarpy Fri 31-Jan-14 11:01:34

She sounds so special, I'm so sorry for your loss.
It sounds as though it was sudden (not trying to pry), you've had a huge shock and I hope you have real life support as well as on-line thanks

Quinteszilla Fri 31-Jan-14 11:04:18

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have lost a kind friend with a good heart, who will be dearly missed. Sorry. flowers

Adikia Fri 31-Jan-14 11:04:22

Nancy, that's a lovely idea. she was an orphan, no family and no partner, but maybe they could write it to her or something.

Dingleinthevillage Fri 31-Jan-14 11:06:06

Take the dog for a walk and do something 'in her memory'. Skim some stones, collect some twigs etc. The fresh air will do you good and you'll be better prepared to talk to your children.

Quinteszilla Fri 31-Jan-14 11:09:15

You can also plant a tree in her honour.

I did that when my lovely uncle died, his name was Magnar, so I planted a Magnolia. My grandma Olina has an Olive tree.

Earlier this month, having visited my dying friend in hospital (funeral Monday) I went straight to the garden center and bought spring flowers to plant. It gives me something to do, and it provides a nice focal point for remembering a loved one.

Adikia Fri 31-Jan-14 11:10:15

I'm not even sure what happened yet, meeting up with her other best friend this afternoon. She had been ill last year but she was out of hospital and getting better, the doctor's thought she was going to be ok.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 31-Jan-14 11:11:14

I'm so sorry for your loss, she sounds like an amazing woman.
You don't have to give birth to be a mother, she has been a mother to many by the sounds of it. thanks
It's never easy telling children bad news, my thoughts are with you.

Spacefrog35 Fri 31-Jan-14 11:17:20

I'm so sorry for your loss. You clearly had a great deal of love & respect for this lady & I'm sure will miss her dreadfully.

For some practical information on how to approach this with your children try having a look at Winstons Wish www.winstonswish.org.uk/ & the Cruse website www.cruse.org.uk/. Cruse will also be useful for you in providing you with advise and help in processing your own grief.

You will be in my thoughts thanks

Used2bthin Fri 31-Jan-14 11:19:57

Sorry to hear this. I lost a good friend last year very suddenly and it takes a while to sink in. I have found it helpful to see her other friends and her family but really wanted to just pretend nothing had happened to start with. My dd talks about her and we look at photos. We still see her dd though not as much as we did due to the changed family situation. I still forget now and go to text her! Was about to ask her to babysit recently!

Sorry you are having to go through this.

rumbelina Fri 31-Jan-14 11:27:18

I'm so sorry, I have lost two close friends in the last 10 years and it is shit.

I wrote down memories and thoughts in a book and that really helped at the time and is now one of my most treasured possessions. You could ask your children to do this too at some point.

Your friend sounds kind and lovely. It is a sad, sad loss. You will be on a rollercoaster for a while but it will start to even out eventually.

onetiredmummy Fri 31-Jan-14 11:28:09

I'm so sorry Adikia.

FanFuckingTastic Fri 31-Jan-14 11:37:11

She sounds like a very lovely lady and I am glad you have good memories of her to keep. I am sorry for your loss, it's a tough time for anyone, and I hope you have lots of support.

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